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Attracting men by taking and being resistant. thoughts?


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Old 20th October 2017, 8:25 AM   #1
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Attracting men by taking and being resistant. thoughts?

I read this article about how to attract a man.
Quote:
A woman who bends over backwards to please another just isn't attractive. She is convenient at the most. If you wonder what is a dream girl, this is not it! It's the woman that challenges him that men fall in love with. Men like to make women happy. It makes them feel good and makes them feel valued.

If you are doing the giving, you are in a sense depriving him. Learning to receive is so important. A woman that can gracefully receive from a man is a woman that men adore. If he offers to do something for you, do you accept or tell him no thank you, I can do that? The natural role of the man really is to give and the woman's is to receive.

What is the key to being irresistible to men? Men want to win. They want to win the heart of the woman. If it comes too easily, this is when he loses interest and often pulls away. This is why it's so important to resist him. It makes you hard to get. This is not a game. Your heart shouldn't be easy to get in the first place.

Resistance means occasionally not answering his calls. It means if you have plans with the girls, you keep them. Resistance means if he invites you to go somewhere that you aren't crazy about, you aren't going simply to please him. You decline offers if they don't suit you. I don't like sports. I can't help it. I just don't. A guy could have tickets to the Super Bowl and I would turn him down. I am not going along just to be in his presence.

The fact of the matter is men fall in love in your absence, not your presence. This is when they think about you. When they think about you their imaginations fill in the gaps. Usually with positive things. If you are always there jumping to be with him he will lose interest.

Men love a challenge. They simply can't resist it. A woman that jumps right into a relationship with her heart is no mystery. She is an open book. Resistance builds up attraction in a man. Resistance also shows self control. This is very attractive to men. He will put in effort to be a part of her world. He becomes challenged to get her attention because she doesn't show she wants him. If she chooses him, he feels very special."
Thoughts?


My thoughts are I'm an extremely anxious dater. I hav fears of losing my independence and also being a nuisance when someone doesn't want me(stems from bullying). Sometimes, I think my relative success in dating (dating, not LTRs)and ability to garner and keep a guy's interest is due to my extreme push/pull behavior that is a result of anxiety. I guess this can be interpreted as resistance.


I notice when I start pulling back unintentionally, lose interest, or get nervous the guy steps up his interest 100x. But yet when I talk to guys, they don't like it. They say they lose interest if the girl acts this way. It's another one of those gaps between theory and reality. What people think or say they want and what really attracts them?

Last edited by Cookiesandough; 20th October 2017 at 8:31 AM..
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Old 20th October 2017, 8:33 AM   #2
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I think the being unavailable behavior can attract men, but just the wrong type of men. This is basically a game that gives them the power (the chaser has the power, not the chased one, think a lion and a deer).

I've given up my power in my last LTR letting him chase me (mainly because I was not too interested in the outcome of the relationship....) and yep, it worked - he wanted to get engaged if that counts. But I've been utterly miserable in the whole relationship, and besides the initial shock when we broke up - I think the break up was a blessing.

Be very cautious if you try this game intentionally.

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Originally Posted by Cookiesandough View Post
I read this article about how to attract a man.


I'm an extremely anxious dater. I hav fears of losing my independence and also being a nuisance when someone doesn't want me(stems from bullying). Sometimes, I think my relative success in dating (dating, not LTRs)and ability to gather and keep a guy's interest is due to my extreme push/pull behavior that is a result of anxiety. I guess this can be interpreted as resistance.


I notice when I start pulling back unintentionally, lose interest, or get nervous the guy steps up his interest 100x. But yet when I talk to guys, they don't like it. They say they lose interest if the girl acts this way. It's another one of those gaps between theory and reality. What people think or say they want and what really attracts them?
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Old 20th October 2017, 8:37 AM   #3
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i've read this a few years back although were i saw it escapes me. lots of people will find it old-fashioned and traditional, almost as if you (as a woman) are allowing the man to lead, but i do think parts of it apply to not only dating but the male/female relationship in general. by giving up little bits of independence and holding yourself back a little you can see with greater clarity what a guy is truly made of - will he step in and help? - you don't know if you always do it yourself. will he every buy you dinner? - how can you know if you always offer to pay for yourself. will he call/text? - how can you know if you don't give him the time to do that. i think relinquishing (not resisting) a bit of control/independence allows you to see what a man is truly like, especially in the early stages when he should be impressing you with attention and gifts and demonstrations that he likes you. at the very beginning you should be giving him that chance to show you who he is. that doesn't mean being weak or resisting, it means letting yourself be treated special and being more feminine. imo

Last edited by newmoon; 20th October 2017 at 8:42 AM..
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Old 20th October 2017, 8:54 AM   #4
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pDmGhethEoQ


One man's opinion??

Be yourself...

It's basic common sense that no one likes someone who plants themselves up another person's behind(that's men or women), the thought that you have to plan to deliberately be elusive or feign dis interest in order to create some kind of carrot and stick game......is just ridiculous...

And understand this......I know most women think we are just automatons that all think alike, therefore creating some kind of "manual" will work with all guys is crazy....We are all different...What works with some, won't work with others...

About the only thing I can think of that's universally desirable, especially among higher tier men is that they like/desire women that look good....the more "good' the better...

TFY
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Old 20th October 2017, 9:06 AM   #5
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This sounds like the discussion about "The Rules" to me. While I agree that not love-bombing somebody is a good idea, being erratic and unpredictable on purpose will probably attract guys who also like to play games.

None of my girlfriends behaved that way and I'm glad they didn't. When I read that a man's natural role is to give and a woman's to receive then it is pretty hard for me to keep a straight face.
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Old 20th October 2017, 9:20 AM   #6
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I see it and have experienced it in a different angle.

I think there is a big difference between a woman trying to appear *not too available* and a woman having a life filled with family, friends and hobbies making her not too available.

A woman trying to appear *not too available* is a game player, the other one is an energetic exciting and interesting woman.

A man wants to be with a woman that has her own thing going and won't depend on him for her whole happiness.

When I met my bf I didn't play *not too available* I didn't have to, I am already not too available so I just remained myself.

Once I asked my bf what he liked the most about me he said the fact I am whole without him and that makes him want to be with me. I don't track him down ever, I don't call him asking where he is, I never say things like *who's this and who's that*.
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Old 20th October 2017, 10:05 AM   #7
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This is a meta-answer but...

I think you are spending far too much time on these hypothetical questions. Thing is, when you weigh in on others' situations, you actually give good insight. So figuring out good answers to questions such as in your OP--that's not really your issue. Your biggest problems by far are your extreme self-protectiveness and your lack of self-awareness when it comes to your decisions and actions, both in how they affect others, and whether or not they would actually help you achieve your dating goals.
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Old 20th October 2017, 10:31 AM   #8
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If I ever start thinking someone is trying to 'play' me like that, I'm gone. End of story.
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Old 20th October 2017, 11:14 AM   #9
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I've looked at a few of your threads. I have the impression that the reason your dating life is such a train wreck is all the game playing you do. Trying to act some way in order to "get" a man is not going to get you anything besides a new thread on LoveShack.
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Old 20th October 2017, 11:47 AM   #10
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I think this applies to men and women.

Your post here seems to be on the mark.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/roma...ce#post7443569

Guys often use "needy" instead of "nice," however, the connotation is the same. The word is used to describe someone who is too available, accommodating, into them, etc.. It is not really appealing because it becomes overwhelming. I think olivetree expressed this sentiment here (1a): "why are you so nice?"

IMO, most emotionally healthy men and women alike, want to feel desired--not needed. When someone has other priorities, and they find time for you; you feel special, important. When someone is all about you and does not even really know you; you feel about as special as a wet carrot. You question their motive--why me? Am I really a catch, or am I just a warm body that is filling some hole in your life that you desperately need filled?

There is also unwanted pressure that is felt when dealing with fast-moving people. You begin to feel like the other person needs you to settle some anxiety within themselves. It makes you overthink: Why is it such a big deal if I do not want to hang out tonight? Is there something wrong with me? Am I wrong to choose my friends over some person I barely know?

And most importantly, people who are too into you really do not bring much to the table. There is no charm to a "yes (wo)man" because there is no personality. If I wanted someone to agree with everything I said and bend over backwards to accommodate me, I would rather just talk to myself in the mirror. So it's not even like dating a person, rather this amorphous blob of agreement.

It is not about playing games but taking the time to figure out if you are attracted to a person. I think the most on point statement in your original quote is, "(m)en fall in love in your absence, not your presence."
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Old 20th October 2017, 12:33 PM   #11
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Thanks. Very interesting perspectives. Seems like many would agree it's a good idea to say you don't want to go on a specific date if you don't feel like it even if you like the person.

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You question their motive--why me? "
You make very good points but this in particular makes me think of something else.

I often hear guys say "why me?". Rarely do women say this and I've never had a guy be really interested in me off the bat and think "why me?" Does that make me narcissistic. Maybe it's because women are taught much of their appeal is on the exterior or they have a certain je ne sais quoi/charm blah blah.

Look at fairy tales or other 'romantic' stories. Cinderella- Prince falls so love with hot maid after a dance he goes door to find a girl with feet her size. . 50 shades of gray or whatever - this handsome, billionaire business magnate who could eff any girl he wants is mysteriously drawn to this really basic chick. xD
List goes on

But guys start getting suspicious if a girl is drawn to them like that. They feel they have more to prove. Which is not always the case, because I know right off the bat if it's working for me. I'm just drawn to the guy. Also there have been studies that say most women know if they would sleep with a guy or not a min or less after meeting them lol. Maybe really attractive/charming men are less suspicious?

Come on, you guys! You're special. But yeah the gender perspective similarities and differences are pretty interesting to me
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Last edited by Cookiesandough; 20th October 2017 at 12:45 PM..
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Old 20th October 2017, 12:47 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thefooloftheyear View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by CptInsano View Post
When I read that a man's natural role is to give and a woman's to receive then it is pretty hard for me to keep a straight face.
It's true!!! It's natural!!
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Old 20th October 2017, 12:56 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OneLov View Post

And most importantly, people who are too into you really do not bring much to the table. There is no charm to a "yes (wo)man" because there is no personality. If I wanted someone to agree with everything I said and bend over backwards to accommodate me, I would rather just talk to myself in the mirror. So it's not even like dating a person, rather this amorphous blob of agreement.
This is also not true for quite a bit of men. Some even pick women from a specific culture that teaches women to be "yes women", obedient and happy to please his every whim.
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Old 20th October 2017, 1:06 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by Eternal Sunshine View Post
This is also not true for quite a bit of men. Some even pick women from a specific culture that teaches women to be "yes women", obedient and happy to please his every whim.

On our first date (we were teenagers), my wife stabbed me in the back of the hand with a fork when I reached for one of her shrimp. I think that was the moment I fell in love with her.


I never had any doubt that she adored me, but she never, ever took any **** (and I'm perfectly capable of dishing it out) from me. She was real and true to herself. Cookie, be true to yourself and find the guy who's looking for that woman.
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Old 20th October 2017, 1:11 PM   #15
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This is also not true for quite a bit of men. Some even pick women from a specific culture that teaches women to be "yes women", obedient and happy to please his every whim.
I agree. That is why I expressed it as my opinion that most emotionally healthy men and women want to feel desired. Again, IMO, some emotionally healthy people want to "give" and others like to "take." But like all extremes, it can result in a relationship dynamic that works for those in it, but a majority of people would not find that dynamic fulfilling if there was too much give/take. For example, narcissists (IMO are not emotionally healthy) will often seek people who like to please others to their own detriment.
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