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What do you do if you're only attracted to hot people?


In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 14th October 2017, 12:10 AM   #61
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Originally Posted by Cobra_X View Post
Interesting. How do you feel about your own level of attractiveness? Have you ever been treated as though you were ugly?

You have to make sure the guy isn't attracted to you at all. Friendzoning a guy is one of the meanest things you can do. These types of guys tend to lack the self esteem to kick you out of their lives, and so just tend to let you take advantage.

Also... stop reading Twilight. Watching people sleep!?! It's not romantic.
I have never read twilight and don't really watch romantic books (even though I am a romantic I hate the cheesiness as strange as it sounds).

These were just times when he and I were in bed together. He'd fall asleep and I'd have trouble sleeping. Its not like twilight were the dude stalked her, broke in to her room just so he could watch her sleep. Of course that would be ****ing creepy.... It was more of one of those in the moment things, while cuddling with a loved one.
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Old 14th October 2017, 12:29 AM   #62
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I have never read twilight and don't really watch romantic books (even though I am a romantic I hate the cheesiness as strange as it sounds).
These were just times when he and I were in bed together. He'd fall asleep and I'd have trouble sleeping. Its not like twilight were the dude stalked her, broke in to her room just so he could watch her sleep. Of course that would be ****ing creepy.... It was more of one of those in the moment things, while cuddling with a loved one.
I really dislike the Hollywood romance stuff... it never rings true to life. They just write fantasies for certain audiences. The best romance movie I can think of is Casablanca.

Anyway, It's Ok. I was joking about Twilight. I used to watch my xWife sleep too... mostly hoping she would stop breathing.

I learned at age 18 or 19 to see people's physical flaws. I actually trained myself to focus on them. I think it would be nice to find someone so attractive that I'm mesmerized by her beauty. It's not going to happen though... nobody is perfect and at this point I can't put the genie back into the bottle.

I don't think there is anything wrong with taking time to get over a relationship. Just make sure you remember it correctly and don't romanticize it too much. I focus hard remembering all the bad stuff, you seem to do the opposite and focus on the good. It's a great trait in a relationship, maybe hold onto that.
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Old 14th October 2017, 12:31 PM   #63
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Go for whoever you find attractive. Sometimes you might see someone and immediately be attracted to their looks. Other times you might not, but will find them more attractive as you get to know their personality. Vice versa, someone could be attracted to your looks or your personality. Just because someone is better looking than you, doesn't mean they won't date you if they get to know you. Plus there are loads of people who have fetishes for things you might not expect - amputees, or short people, or fat people, or older people, etc. It isn't shallow to pursue the people you personally find attractive.
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Old 14th October 2017, 12:59 PM   #64
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((((hicrunchy)))) hugz
Thank you dear. I appreciate it.
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Old 14th October 2017, 2:28 PM   #65
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Go for whoever you find attractive. Sometimes you might see someone and immediately be attracted to their looks. Other times you might not, but will find them more attractive as you get to know their personality. Vice versa, someone could be attracted to your looks or your personality. Just because someone is better looking than you, doesn't mean they won't date you if they get to know you. Plus there are loads of people who have fetishes for things you might not expect - amputees, or short people, or fat people, or older people, etc. It isn't shallow to pursue the people you personally find attractive.
Trying to date someone you are not attracted to is stupid. Don't do it.

Being attracted to a narrow band of people or to folks who are bad for you is also stupid. Don't do it.

The answer is to understand what creates your attractions and change them. A small change can make a big difference.
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Old 14th October 2017, 2:31 PM   #66
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Originally Posted by Cobra_X View Post
Trying to date someone you are not attracted to is stupid. Don't do it.

Being attracted to a narrow band of people or to folks who are bad for you is also stupid. Don't do it.

The answer is to understand what creates your attractions and change them. A small change can make a big difference.
I have always been told you "you can't help who you are attracted to" so if you are naturally only attracted to a narrow number of people isn't really something you can help.

I agree don't date someone you are not attracted to, because you are just going to hurt them in the end. It is not fair to them

Last edited by HiCrunchy; 14th October 2017 at 2:37 PM..
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Old 14th October 2017, 2:53 PM   #67
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I have always been told you "you can't help who you are attracted to" so if you are naturally only attracted to a narrow number of people isn't really something you can help.
I agree don't date someone you are not attracted to, because you are just going to hurt them in the end. It is not fair to them
Of course you can change. People say you can't change because it justifies their poor choices. It's stupid and lazy.

Don't expect to be able to make huge changes though. You can't go from only being attracted to 6 pack ab guys to 400lbs obese men.

Also your attractions are directly tied to your own mental health. The more crazy you carry with you the more crazy you will experience in your attractions.
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Old 14th October 2017, 3:16 PM   #68
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I don't have time to explain everything about what creates sexual attraction and how to make modifications to what you need. Here is a professional that explains things pretty well.

I used to be specifically attracted to terrible women. It took me almost 5 or 6 years to fix resolve this issue.

https://www.elephantjournal.com/2015...-attracted-to/
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Old 14th October 2017, 3:32 PM   #69
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Originally Posted by Cobra_X View Post
I don't have time to explain everything about what creates sexual attraction and how to make modifications to what you need. Here is a professional that explains things pretty well.

I used to be specifically attracted to terrible women. It took me almost 5 or 6 years to fix resolve this issue.

https://www.elephantjournal.com/2015...-attracted-to/
That's a decent article. I also had a preference up to my early 20s that led me to exactly the type women that I wasn't compatible with. I purposely experimented, with a lot of failures, but also a few successes that opened the door to women I didn't consider before. It wasn't as much of a case of "hot or not", but reaching different types of women who were previously not something I thought were attainable or simply not part of my usual social circle.
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Old 14th October 2017, 5:28 PM   #70
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I had a friend like that. Always went after the girls who could have been Playboy cover girls. Problem was that he was not hot and none of them would stay with him after a date or two. He was not rich and not very alpha. He never made a move on his dates, preferring to idolize them instead. Last I heard he was in his 40's and still looking.

I was considered a hot guy in my younger days and did not know that until some girls told me when I was an adult. My wife knew about me and saw my picture years before we met. My wife says she was stunned when I asked her out on a date since she was a virgin at 19 and not like the girls I used to date. She was even more shocked when I asked her to marry me 3 weeks after we met. We are married 45 years.

First off, there can only be one hot looking person in a marriage or else you will both be fighting for time in front of the mirror. Just kidding but some people are like that. They want the attention to be on them, not their partners when they go out.

I used to date cheerleaders and even two models, one was on the Cover of 17, a teen magazine that I do not think exists today. The other was a fashion model. Not walkway, photos. I also dated average girls and when it came time to find a wife, I went with someone I felt would be good for me and love me and not themselves. I was right. Looks fade as all the old people here will say. They place sense of humor on the top of their list. They want someone who can make them laugh everyday. There is a reason why so many guys divorce their model wives and vice versa. You see it among celebrities and rich people all the time. They want trophy wives and then when they start to look normal after years together, they want new trophies.

You can always turn out the lights at night. You know when you really love someone when you do not care much about how they look.
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Old 14th October 2017, 6:39 PM   #71
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Don't expect to be able to make huge changes though. You can't go from only being attracted to 6 pack ab guys to 400lbs obese men.
I agree with this sentiment and am living proof that the statement "one can't control who they are attracted to" is a fallacy.

It takes RELATIONSHIP experience to figure this out though; not just dating experience. It takes a person being involved with someone for more than a few dates to truly understand what they are attracted to and what they aren't. And, to decide what it truly important for them in a relationship.

At the end of last spring, I started dating an attractive, older woman who's company I enjoyed. I certainly wouldn't say she was my "type" physically as she's a rail-thin brunette (I prefer blondes and redheads) but has a distinguished beauty to her. But, she is a pleasant, intelligent woman and her and I enjoyed our time together. Unfortunately, it wasn't a good match for a number or reasons and we stopped seeing one another at the end of the summer.

Around the same time, a gorgeous, curvy blonde (EXACTLY my type) co-worker that was going through a divorce was knocking on my door. It was obvious that she is was attracted to me before and after her divorce. She isn't a bad woman but I don't find her personality attractive, at all. She is a bit of a wild-child, drinks more than I am comfortable with and, although I can laugh with her and have a good time in certain situations, I could never see myself dating her. I am currently single and it has been suggested by many co-workers that I date her but I am keeping my distance because I know that it just isn't a good match for me. It's a bad move because I work with her and because I just know that we won't click..

I know many of guys who have jumped at the chance to date her over the woman that I ended up seeing but I know myself well and I would end up being in a bad situation if I started seeing her.
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Old 14th October 2017, 7:16 PM   #72
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I have a story about this too that explains why I'm leery to try. When I was in college I stayed in my room a lot in my free time on my computer. I started playing a game and met a fantastic guy. We exchanged instant message info at my request. We were around the same age and had similar interests. I was so attracted to his personality. He had the sharpest wit I've ever witness in a man to this day. He was smart in other ways too, knowledgable, nice person, everything I admired. I grew infatuated with him and intimidated by him.

It took me over a year of friendship through IM to confess my crush to him. I told him I loved him and I meant it. He said he had feelings for me too, but if I saw him I wouldn't love him because he is ugly. At this point, he had seen a picture and video of me, but I had never seen him. I insisted he was being ridiculous and I didn't like that word. That I LOVED him, and I didn't care what he looked like. It wouldn't matter to me.
I truly believed that.

One day, he gave me a pic. I wasn't attracted to him at all. He wasn't bad looking AT ALL and I told him he was crazy for saying such a thing. Actually, he had quite conventionally good looks. He just wasn't my type. I started to pull away a bit, confused. I did love him...but I couldn't make myself feel desire for him.

Meanwhile, he grew closer. He told me he wanted me to move in with him in his flat in NY and get a pet together and live happily forever. I felt trapped, panicked. I didn't want that. But I kept telling myself maybe I did. Maybe I would be a fool to let a connection like this go. But he would want sex. He would deserve a girl who wanted it with him. And I did not want that...

On the phone one night, he told me, "I am about to buy your ticket" I said, "NO!!! I...don't think I'm ready for all this" He understood that and was patient for awhile longer. He kept telling me he loved me each night. I began not to say it back because I was afraid I was leading him on. One night, I snapped and told him "I think you can do better than me. I am not ready for a relationship. I'm not mature enough"

He saw through this for what it was, but he sadly agreed to be my friend. It was painful for me because of all I put this guy through...and a part of me did love him and did want to feel attracted, but I couldn't force it. Sometimes I wonder if I visited him and tried if things would have changed. If my life would be different.

I still think of him often and wish the best for him. I hope he has found love. I guess some would say he dogded a bullet. I hate that I am so shallow, but I don't know if it's something I can control.

Last edited by Cookiesandough; 14th October 2017 at 7:32 PM..
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Old 14th October 2017, 7:38 PM   #73
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I had a friend like that. Always went after the girls who could have been Playboy cover girls. Problem was that he was not hot and none of them would stay with him after a date or two. He was not rich and not very alpha. He never made a move on his dates, preferring to idolize them instead. Last I heard he was in his 40's and still looking.

I was considered a hot guy in my younger days and did not know that until some girls told me when I was an adult. My wife knew about me and saw my picture years before we met. My wife says she was stunned when I asked her out on a date since she was a virgin at 19 and not like the girls I used to date. She was even more shocked when I asked her to marry me 3 weeks after we met. We are married 45 years.

First off, there can only be one hot looking person in a marriage or else you will both be fighting for time in front of the mirror. Just kidding but some people are like that. They want the attention to be on them, not their partners when they go out.

I used to date cheerleaders and even two models, one was on the Cover of 17, a teen magazine that I do not think exists today. The other was a fashion model. Not walkway, photos. I also dated average girls and when it came time to find a wife, I went with someone I felt would be good for me and love me and not themselves. I was right. Looks fade as all the old people here will say. They place sense of humor on the top of their list. They want someone who can make them laugh everyday. There is a reason why so many guys divorce their model wives and vice versa. You see it among celebrities and rich people all the time. They want trophy wives and then when they start to look normal after years together, they want new trophies.

You can always turn out the lights at night. You know when you really love someone when you do not care much about how they look.
Yes, I understand "looks fade" but when you meet someone you are physically attracted to, it is gradual. There is something called "love goggles" where people in love that stay in love view their partners not alike they met 20, 30, 40 years previous. Plus there's a vast difference between a person not being your type entirely and a person being your type but have gone through some aging(as long as it's not incredibly drastic)...It's different. Men judge me too on my looks and if I am not their type I totally understand and no hard feelings. I know you can't force these things. The truth is, like someone said above, there IS someone who is crazy about that person...no matter what they look like...So why not let that person find that person? Especially since sex is so important to men. I would want to be with someone I felt attraction to so I would initiate sex with them and make them feel desired instead of trying to get out of it even though I loved them. Sex is very important to men. I'm not going to be as enthusiastic and willing to try new things and explore MY sexuality if I'm not attracted either. It's just ugh...I don't know.
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Old 14th October 2017, 8:38 PM   #74
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A few things. Cookies, judging by the pics you have occasionally posted here, you are gonna qualify as hot yourself. Getting a subjectively hot guy yourself should be easy enough. The problem is the fact that it is somewhat objective. When I say you are hot, that is coming from an average looking 38 year old dude. Most guys in my boat are gonna agree with me. What really matters is what you consider to be hot in men. If the only dudes you think are hot are the top 1% in looks, the Clooney types that can bang supermodels every day, you might be in trouble. People tend to pair off with others of like attractiveness, and generally speaking, the only way a woman is gonna land a guy who is significantly better looking than she is would be for casual sex.

The girl I am dating now is about as attractive as I am but I have dated hot women before. Guys can kinda date up in looks department if they bring something else to the table. If a dude is rich, a good BSer, very talented, ect, hot women will still wanna be with him. The problem is, guys don't care about any of that stuff. We aren't looking for rich girls or talented girls, we want pretty girls. We don't care if those pretty girls are unemployed and uneducated, just be pretty. That's why it's tough for women to find guys better looking than they are.

I feel your pain a bit. Right after I got dating a stupid hot girl, I was a bit less enthusiastic about dating someone less attractive than she...which was pretty much every other women I had ever met. Lucky for me, I do at least find most women attractive, so I just found someone else and got on with my life. You can either do that, or sit around waiting for a guy who may or may not exist. Your choice.
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Old 14th October 2017, 8:47 PM   #75
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A few things. Cookies, judging by the pics you have occasionally posted here, you are gonna qualify as hot yourself. Getting a subjectively hot guy yourself should be easy enough. The problem is the fact that it is somewhat objective. When I say you are hot, that is coming from an average looking 38 year old dude. Most guys in my boat are gonna agree with me. What really matters is what you consider to be hot in men. If the only dudes you think are hot are the top 1% in looks, the Clooney types that can bang supermodels every day, you might be in trouble. People tend to pair off with others of like attractiveness, and generally speaking, the only way a woman is gonna land a guy who is significantly better looking than she is would be for casual sex.

The girl I am dating now is about as attractive as I am but I have dated hot women before. Guys can kinda date up in looks department if they bring something else to the table. If a dude is rich, a good BSer, very talented, ect, hot women will still wanna be with him. The problem is, guys don't care about any of that stuff. We aren't looking for rich girls or talented girls, we want pretty girls. We don't care if those pretty girls are unemployed and uneducated, just be pretty. That's why it's tough for women to find guys better looking than they are.

I feel your pain a bit. Right after I got dating a stupid hot girl, I was a bit less enthusiastic about dating someone less attractive than she...which was pretty much every other women I had ever met. Lucky for me, I do at least find most women attractive, so I just found someone else and got on with my life. You can either do that, or sit around waiting for a guy who may or may not exist. Your choice.

Thanks for the kid words above. I'm ok, nothing special. & I understand people tend to pair off in like-actractiveness. I'm not attracted to George Clooney types, he's a bit too old for me, but even when he was younger, he didn't do it for me facially. I don't care about money or any of that. I want to feel lust for the guy, not looking for the guy to settle down with because he's financially secure. So yeah, it's pretty bad. What you said about girls being able to "punch above their weight" for casual was what I was banking on, but I haven't had experience even in that, tbh. I thought I could at least get guys I'm attracted to be casual with, but it's not happening really. I don't get hot guys really casually trying sexing me up (Can I bring up my past posts where 2 guys wanted to wait...I felt kind of friend zoned) My ex was what I consider good-looking so maybe I still have a shot, but I keep thinking I lucked out with him and it was a one-off. It's a sad situation all around.

Last edited by Cookiesandough; 14th October 2017 at 8:55 PM..
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