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What do you do if you're only attracted to hot people?


In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 13th October 2017, 11:56 AM   #46
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Bebe, lol.. Your post is funny( b. Pitt and your dhubz being not cute only at certain angles )
& yes
I was bullied in until my teens for being awkward/'nerdy' then started getting nice words//became 'popular'with the kids. I did not like it. Ive always seen the same person inside and out.

It's good that someone can relate.

Last edited by Cookiesandough; 13th October 2017 at 12:07 PM..
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Old 13th October 2017, 1:43 PM   #47
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Seriously? You want a hot guy, but your standards are so high most TV actors are below what you want?

Do you see the problem with this?
Lol I donít think thatís what it is. My niche of men may not be considered hot by other people. Just because the media thinks these actors are hot doesnít mean I am supposed to. Not high just different pereference🙄. Plus there are so traits that turn me off no matter what their looks. Like many tv actors are cocky (not all of course) which is a huge turn off to me.
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Old 13th October 2017, 1:47 PM   #48
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Ty all
I am the same and there's definitely a problem with it. Attracted to an extreme few is why I made the thread. I wonder if there's a type of therapy for this? It's not much as having higher-than-movie-star standards, but just being attracted to unconventionally good looking people.
Yep so agree!
Itís weird to say but movie stars are just not my type.
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Old 13th October 2017, 2:17 PM   #49
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I sometimes see men I think are attractive but if they ask me out, I might not be attracted to them anymore. I think it's because their personality might not appeal to me.

For me, a man's demeanor is equally as important as his appearance. I don't care how good looking a guy is, if he's "dumb as rocks" as they say, I have absolutely no attraction to him at all.

I'm editing this to add that even guys who aren't intelligent are attractive if they care to hear what others have to say, are kind to others, and involved with them. Now that I've thought about the "dumb as rocks" quote above in my mind I believe I apply that to someone who has nothing to add to society at all and just thinks standing around looking good is enough. This could apply to men or women, both. So, feel that quote isn't representative of what I really meant. Going to leave it since it's been read, though.

Last edited by LivingWaterPlease; 13th October 2017 at 5:24 PM..
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Old 13th October 2017, 5:47 PM   #50
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Everyone seems to have this fantasy these days that they can shoot for much higher than their equivalent , 10yrs later they usually still unsuccessfully at it.
You van't see what anyone looks like here so if someone met this or that , maybe they're as hot as themselves anyway too, can't tell.
But from a guys point of view that's a bit of a female death wish because if she's not his equivalent or better then in time , might be 10yrs but bet most will lose interest and be looking at and wanting all the hotties out there instead.
Hence why so many screw around.
It's hard enough as it is for a guy to stay on the straight and narrow, l don't think women have any idea how hard that actually is or how seeing all the hotties out there effects a guy.

In all honesty, for a lasting thing, she needs to outshine him if anything, really.
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Old 13th October 2017, 6:50 PM   #51
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Ty all
I am the same and there's definitely a problem with it. Attracted to an extreme few is why I made the thread. I wonder if there's a type of therapy for this? It's not much as having higher-than-movie-star standards, but just being attracted to unconventionally good looking people.
In sexual attraction what you are really doing is evaluating a potential mate for different things. Health and quality genetics is an important indicator, as is status, social ability, and then it's all processed through a lens of your own personal and unique emotional needs.

This is why personal style can play such a huge role in attracting women. If I dress like a biker and act tough/dangerous, that will attract a different type of woman than if I dress and act like an outdoorsy woodman type.

Now I don't know how this is presenting itself within your life. You could be attracted to dwarfism or men with long faces. It doesn't really matter. What you will find is that over time your attractions will change based on your emotional state. There are tons of scientific studies showing women become more attracted to masculine traits during fertile periods and then less attracted post ovulation.

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Lol I donít think thatís what it is. My niche of men may not be considered hot by other people. Just because the media thinks these actors are hot doesnít mean I am supposed to. Not high just different pereference🙄. Plus there are so traits that turn me off no matter what their looks. Like many tv actors are cocky (not all of course) which is a huge turn off to me.
Are you old enough to be able to distinguish between cocky and confident?
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Old 13th October 2017, 7:30 PM   #52
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Are you old enough to be able to distinguish between cocky and confident?
Age has nothing to do with determining if I know how to read people or not. Older does not always mean wiser and being 22 doesn't make me dumb either. Reading a person and understanding human relationships and social cues is more of a skill than something you just get with age. You have to be able to observe people, think and access.

But aside from celebs I never really think about my attraction (or lack of attraction) to them because I never considered these people to be potential partners. It didn't bother me much that I wasn't attracted to them, if anything its better for me, cuz then I'd be in stuck in the loop of wanting what I can't have.
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Old 13th October 2017, 9:50 PM   #53
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Physical attraction is a must. That being said, it goes beyond good looks. I've seen beautiful women become homely after I got to know their personalities. I myself prefer a woman who stays in shape, but isn't too beautiful. The ones who have gone through life with everybody captivated by, and commenting on, their looks tend to have an entitlement mentality and high maintenance factor which leaves me running for the exits.
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Old 13th October 2017, 9:52 PM   #54
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You grow up one day.

I was like that until my early 30s.

I see now that the hottest people are the least interesting mentally.

Yay to growing up and realizing things.
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Old 13th October 2017, 10:48 PM   #55
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You grow up one day.

I was like that until my early 30s.

I see now that the hottest people are the least interesting mentally.

Yay to growing up and realizing things.
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Originally Posted by Highndry View Post
Physical attraction is a must. That being said, it goes beyond good looks. I've seen beautiful women become homely after I got to know their personalities. I myself prefer a woman who stays in shape, but isn't too beautiful. The ones who have gone through life with everybody captivated by, and commenting on, their looks tend to have an entitlement mentality and high maintenance factor which leaves me running for the exits.
You can be "hot and smart". But I guess it depends more on the personalities of these hot people.
The fact that smart people can't be attractive or that all attractive people are shallow and superficial is just false. These things are not mutually exclusive.
It depends more on the individual.

Last edited by HiCrunchy; 13th October 2017 at 10:51 PM..
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Old 13th October 2017, 11:16 PM   #56
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You can be "hot and smart". But I guess it depends more on the personalities of these hot people.
The fact that smart people can't be attractive or that all attractive people are shallow and superficial is just false. These things are not mutually exclusive.
It depends more on the individual.
I agree. They're not. Moreover, I am choosing "hot" over "mentally stimulating" at this point, because if I wanted mentally stimulating I'd go play chess or fiddle with a Rubik's cube. He can be mentally stimulating all day, but if I am not feeling that spark, those butterflies, that attraction, we might as well be friends. There's no point in forcing something that's a waste of time for both of us and I don't know why I'm like this. It's upsetting.

I keep thinking about how I used to stare at my ex's face while he slept (shut up ) and it was one of the most serene, beautiful things ever. I really want that again but know I won't have it
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Old 13th October 2017, 11:42 PM   #57
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Originally Posted by HiCrunchy View Post
Age has nothing to do with determining if I know how to read people or not. Older does not always mean wiser and being 22 doesn't make me dumb either. Reading a person and understanding human relationships and social cues is more of a skill than something you just get with age. You have to be able to observe people, think and access.
But aside from celebs I never really think about my attraction (or lack of attraction) to them because I never considered these people to be potential partners. It didn't bother me much that I wasn't attracted to them, if anything its better for me, cuz then I'd be in stuck in the loop of wanting what I can't have.
Your brain isn't even fully developed until 23. So, yes age does matter. Maybe you won't believe me until you get older.

Young kids are notorious for not being able to distinguish cocky/arrogant from confident. This is why we teach younger boys to be jerks in order to attract women. They havn't developed the confidence yet, but they have no problem being pricks.

I agree with you that crushing on celebs is often a waste of time.

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Originally Posted by HiCrunchy View Post
You can be "hot and smart". But I guess it depends more on the personalities of these hot people.
The fact that smart people can't be attractive or that all attractive people are shallow and superficial is just false. These things are not mutually exclusive.
It depends more on the individual.
Everything you say is true. However, you will find in life that being highly attractive changes peoples behaviors. I manage a whole sales team. The men who are more attractive are less skillful at sales. It's not universally true, but in the vast majority of instances it is accurate. Part of my job also requires me to follow these sales reps for a week or so to observe and train them. I noticed years ago that attractive men are treated differently. They have an easier time gaining access to decision makers. My ugly reps have to work harder, display better personality traits, often times be more persuasive to achieve the same results.

Here is the thing... there is nothing from stop the more attractive reps from learning these skills. It's actually my job to teach them. Most resist putting in the effort. A few work at it and become great. Our companies best sales reps also tend to be the most handsome or pretty.

I should also say that many of the girls I went to high school with who are both very attractive and very intelligent... were not "hotties" in high school. In particular a friend Veronica was very fat and had bad skin. She did computer science and is perhaps the hottest genius I know today.
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Old 13th October 2017, 11:46 PM   #58
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I agree. They're not. Moreover, I am choosing "hot" over "mentally stimulating" at this point, because if I wanted mentally stimulating I'd go play chess or fiddle with a Rubik's cube. He can be mentally stimulating all day, but if I am not feeling that spark, those butterflies, that attraction, we might as well be friends. There's no point in forcing something that's a waste of time for both of us and I don't know why I'm like this. It's upsetting.

I keep thinking about how I used to stare at my ex's face while he slept (shut up ) and it was one of the most serene, beautiful things ever. I really want that again but know I won't have it
I don't want to have to choose. I want to be with someone I click with emotionally and physically. It has happened to me once before, and I am trying to encourage myself that it will happen to me again. I like being able to have conversations that are more intellectual at times. It is something that I appreciated with my ex.

Its okay cookie. I think about my ex like that all the time. I used to look at his face when he slept sometimes. I'd trace my finger tips on his eyebrows, down his cheeks and lips. How his hair that he would normally wear back would sweep on to his forehead, since he was so close and warm I'd hear his breath. Part of me was being a bit mischievous and teasing him hoping I'd wake him up and the other part was just admiring the human being I was with. During those times my mind would wonder on the fun times we spent during the day, the light laughs, and conversations. I was so happy and grateful to be with him. When he'd notice me looking at him, he would open his eyes slightly and smile. He'd pull me in so that my face was now in his chest. So close I could hear his heart beat. I'm pretty short and he was so tall so I could feel him completely surrounding me. He was warm. He was strong. I felt so safe during those moments. I'd hear the rain outside, thunder that would normally make me wince was more of a gentle rumble in the background and then I'd fall asleep. I still think fondly of him. All the time.

I miss him, if I am honest. I miss him all the time. And I think about him everyday to an extent. And I'd be lying if I didn't say I didn't tear up a while writing this out.

I'd like to feel those things again. I'd like to physical feel that warm again. See that smile again.
I still feel them and see them, but only in my memories. When I remember he is not here, then it hurts again.
I am really banking on my memory getting worse.

Those times for me (and I assume for you) were beautiful.

I need to feel them for someone else now. He is not coming back, ever. I know that.
So I have to force myself to.

We both have to.

But I don't believe we have to settle.

Last edited by HiCrunchy; 13th October 2017 at 11:51 PM..
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Old 13th October 2017, 11:51 PM   #59
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I agree. They're not. Moreover, I am choosing "hot" over "mentally stimulating" at this point, because if I wanted mentally stimulating I'd go play chess or fiddle with a Rubik's cube. He can be mentally stimulating all day, but if I am not feeling that spark, those butterflies, that attraction, we might as well be friends. There's no point in forcing something that's a waste of time for both of us and I don't know why I'm like this. It's upsetting.
I keep thinking about how I used to stare at my ex's face while he slept (shut up ) and it was one of the most serene, beautiful things ever. I really want that again but know I won't have it
Interesting. How do you feel about your own level of attractiveness? Have you ever been treated as though you were ugly?

You have to make sure the guy isn't attracted to you at all. Friendzoning a guy is one of the meanest things you can do. These types of guys tend to lack the self esteem to kick you out of their lives, and so just tend to let you take advantage.

Also... stop reading Twilight. Watching people sleep!?! It's not romantic.
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Old 13th October 2017, 11:59 PM   #60
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I miss him, if I am honest. I miss him all the time. And I think about him everyday to an extent. And I'd be lying if I didn't say I didn't tear up a while writing this out.

I'd like to feel those things again. I'd like to physical feel that warm again. See that smile again.
I still feel them and see them, but only in my memories. When I remember he is not here, then it hurts again.
I am really banking on my memory getting worse.

Those times for me (and I assume for you) were beautiful.

I need to feel them for someone else now. He is not coming back, ever. I know that.
So I have to force myself to.

We both have to.

But I don't believe we have to settle.
((((hicrunchy)))) hugz


-------------------------
Cobra, I would never friendzone a guy or keep orbiters. Never ever ever. So awkward not to mention immoral

Last edited by Cookiesandough; 14th October 2017 at 12:02 AM..
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