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What do you do if you're only attracted to hot people?


In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 12th October 2017, 5:47 PM   #31
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Thank you, all. Thanks for the understanding and the kind words. Normal, you are exactly right. As much as I am worried that I need to settle, I am concerned the consequences of it down the road. It's more a FOMO than anything, but since it seems hopeless to find someone, anyway, I'm not missing out on much by waiting. Even online dating, I changed my profile around and added new words, but I'm still not finding people I really want to even meet. I've been kind of straining myself to date outside the box, but I'm growing weary.

@gunslinger and imajerk....I have deactivated all my profiles today and I will not be going on at least a month. It's really pointless, anyway.

Ty

Last edited by Cookiesandough; 12th October 2017 at 5:59 PM..
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Old 12th October 2017, 6:01 PM   #32
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I'm just going to go back to staying in and playing Mass Effect etc because, honestly, I was happier that way. It gave 9999x the joy dating or a relationship ever has. That sounds pathetic, but if I'm lyin' I'm dyin'
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Old 12th October 2017, 7:18 PM   #33
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This is an objective question. Asking for a friend. What can you do if you feel your standards might be too high/you too shallow of a dater. This feeling can make you very sad sometimes. You know it's shallow and wrong, but the only other option besides celibacy and waiting for someone that probably won't come is being with someone you aren't sexually attracted to and have no spark with. That's not good. Even if you try to stay positive, it doesn't change reality.


/whiny post

But what are some solutions to this?
The OP is the super hot young women that sometimes has her pic as her avatar?
If it is you, take a female friend go to a bar, get moderately drunk and sit in a visible area of the pub/club and filter through the guys that buy you a drink until one takes your fancy.

Honestly befuddled that there isn't a litany of hotties pawing at you.
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Old 12th October 2017, 7:23 PM   #34
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I'm just going to go back to staying in and playing Mass Effect etc because, honestly, I was happier that way. It gave 9999x the joy dating or a relationship ever has. That sounds pathetic, but if I'm lyin' I'm dyin'
This may not relate to you, but I'd utter statements like that (about Fallout ) and find that really I was living in a sophisticated delusion were I rationalised my fear of not finding someone into the belief that simply didn't require a partner to be happy and that most people had fallen into the convention of clutching onto a partner for a fear of being a cultural outcast, but really I was just desperate to find someone and I couldn't admit to myself that I was terrible at doing so.
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Old 12th October 2017, 7:35 PM   #35
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I'm just going to go back to staying in and playing Mass Effect etc because, honestly, I was happier that way. It gave 9999x the joy dating or a relationship ever has. That sounds pathetic, but if I'm lyin' I'm dyin'
I know this may not appeal to you, but have you ever tried going to a bar or club just to try and get a one night stand? Make out with some guys?

You just want sex right? With a one night stand, you're skipping the pain and bullsht stage of talking to someone for a month only for them to not want to sleep with you. It's both clear what you two want and it's only for one time and one nightt. And if the sex happens to be bad, well at least you don't have to see him again and you're getting more sexual experience which you said that you want OP.

And since you're a girl presumably attractive, getting laid at a night club shouldn't be that hard for you. Many men go to the nightclub specifically to try and get laid. Just make sure he wears condoms and you're on the pill.

And even if you don't want to have sex, you can make out with some random guys or start grinding.
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Old 12th October 2017, 7:46 PM   #36
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This may not relate to you, but I'd utter statements like that (about Fallout )
Yeah, but if it were Mass Effect 3 and I still had my PS3? Idk. I may choose to stay in and rock the sticks.
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Old 12th October 2017, 11:11 PM   #37
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I'm just going to go back to staying in and playing Mass Effect etc because, honestly, I was happier that way. It gave 9999x the joy dating or a relationship ever has. That sounds pathetic, but if I'm lyin' I'm dyin'
I love that game!! It would take a very good relationship to beat a night of Mass Effect.
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Old 13th October 2017, 6:52 AM   #38
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/whiny post

But what are some solutions to this?
Just remember that attraction is not a choice. You do not choose to one day be attracted to someone. Attraction is natural and it's only best to be natural with what you go for. I personally would have a lot of resentment toward my partner if I found she settled for me and it would likely ruin the relationship. Don't date on a foundation of lies.


Everyone has their own standard when it comes to attraction. I love sex and I'm not going to want to have sex with someone I am not attracted to. We just have to be patient. I am not saying there aren't exceptions like she has to be perfect. That's when you are getting a bit crazy with it.
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Old 13th October 2017, 9:54 AM   #39
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I guess the only solution would be becoming hot or succesful yourself, so the 'hot people" will notice you more... and since you're a girl you "only" have to be hot I'm not even entirely joking, that's pretty much how it works. I guess you just have to be patient, and lucky to run into the right guy.

I do get what you mean though. Maybe it's also because of the media, we see hot people all the time so we might think/feel it's the standard. Anything else may feel like settling.

A nerdy guy in tv shows/movies is often being played by an attractive actor who's in great shape, but they just put some glasses on him = nerd. So that's the whole package some girls want when they say they like "nerds." And it goes both ways. When guys say they want a "geeky girl," they're usually thinking about a hot cosplayer, or that cute girl who talks about Star Wars on her own YouTube channel. It's all mostly about looks

And in the meantime, October seems to be a great month for some new games
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Old 13th October 2017, 10:54 AM   #40
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When I think of Hot. I think of a woman who's in Runway modal shape. So its body. As I have grown older. I like face more than anything.

I wonder sometimes if our modern day society, has blasted looks into our head so much that its making it harder for us to connect romanitcally because of the looks factor.
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Old 13th October 2017, 10:57 AM   #41
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I guess the only solution would be becoming hot or succesful yourself, so the 'hot people" will notice you more... and since you're a girl you "only" have to be hot I'm not even entirely joking, that's pretty much how it works. I guess you just have to be patient, and lucky to run into the right guy.

I do get what you mean though. Maybe it's also because of the media, we see hot people all the time so we might think/feel it's the standard. Anything else may feel like settling.

A nerdy guy in tv shows/movies is often being played by an attractive actor who's in great shape, but they just put some glasses on him = nerd. So that's the whole package some girls want when they say they like "nerds." And it goes both ways. When guys say they want a "geeky girl," they're usually thinking about a hot cosplayer, or that cute girl who talks about Star Wars on her own YouTube channel. It's all mostly about looks

And in the meantime, October seems to be a great month for some new games
I donít know about op but I donít find a lot of men on tv hot either per say. Not sure if it is the media. I do think it is a preference thing. Though there are things everyone agrees is attractive like being healthy and fit etc
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Old 13th October 2017, 11:07 AM   #42
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I donít know about op but I donít find a lot of men on tv hot either per say. Not sure if it is the media. I do think it is a preference thing. Though there are things everyone agrees is attractive like being healthy and fit etc
Seriously? You want a hot guy, but your standards are so high most TV actors are below what you want?

Do you see the problem with this?
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Old 13th October 2017, 11:24 AM   #43
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Seriously? You want a hot guy, but your standards are so high most TV actors are below what you want?

Do you see the problem with this?
Ty all
I am the same and there's definitely a problem with it. Attracted to an extreme few is why I made the thread. I wonder if there's a type of therapy for this? It's not much as having higher-than-movie-star standards, but just being attracted to unconventionally good looking people.
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Old 13th October 2017, 11:37 AM   #44
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Ty all
I am the same and there's definitely a problem with it. Attracted to an extreme few is why I made the thread. I wonder if there's a type of therapy for this? It's not much as having higher-than-movie-star standards, but just being attracted to unconventionally good looking people.
Wow, I can kind of relate with this. Once, I was at the drugstore checkout and saw a photo on the cover of a magazine, and thought 'what an unattractive guy!' I looked closer and saw that it was, in fact, Brad Pitt.
On the other hand, I find 'less' conventionally attractive actors to be VERY good looking. In daily life, I could find a balding or heavier guy at my local Walmart cute. Sometimes my own husband appears especially handsome, and sometimes he doesn't. (That's more because of moods and attitudes than anything!)

It also goes hand in hand with seeing YOURSELF as unattractive, too. For me, I won't put pics of myself on FB anymore because I don't like them.

Cookies, were you criticized on looks as a child, or made to diet or compared to prettier people? Or made to feel like you HAD to be pretty to make up for being shy or awkward? Because when I read your posts I can always relate to what you are saying.
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Old 13th October 2017, 11:48 AM   #45
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Honestly, I think it takes time and relationship experience for folks to figure out exactly what they want out of a partner, physically and emotionally. Yes, physical attraction is extremely important but it's the emotional attraction that keeps a relationship alive and well. It's not really a matter of "lowering standards"; just simply prioritizing what you are looking for in a suitor. I'll be blunt; dating is going to be miserable if someone's top priorities are physical, versus emotional. But, this is something that took me a long time to realize..

I've tossed out this diatribe before but I'll do it again, seeing as it's applicable. I was a competitive bodybuilder and powerlifter when I was younger. I was 5'10'', 175-180lbs and ripped from dieting and hitting the gym continually. But, I was also extremely arrogant about it and really felt like I 'deserved' to date beautiful women.

I was heavily involved with a beautiful, sweet, caring young woman at the time but I got a lot of attention from women that I deemed "hotter". I was an ass and fooled around on her with one of these women. I came clean and it eventually ended my relationship. She was devastated by my infidelity and it killed me when we split.. She is now married with two kiddos and I still think of her as the "one that got away" from time to time.

To make matters worse, I continued on my trend of only dating "the beautiful people" after we split up and ended up in bad relationships. I ignored so many red-flags because these women were "hot" and it never ended well. It honestly took me marrying and subsequently divorcing a gorgeous woman (but incredibly unstable) for me to figure it out.

I have learned a few things from this experience. Firstly, I can find one or two things that I find physically attractive in a woman and that will keep the physical intimacy alive for me (although I am not attracted to over-weight women and that won't change..). I don't feel like I am lowering my standards; I have just discovered what I need out of a woman physically. And, a good time in between the sheets isn't completely dependent on a person's physical appearance; the actions in the bedroom themselves are what make for fun.

Secondly, I am severely and instinctively turned off by a lack of emotional compatibility, even if the woman is extremely physically attractive. I actually cancelled a date that was scheduled for this weekend because the woman I was talking to added me on Facebook and she had some sexually explicit posts up on her page. I find her to be very physically attractive but those posts are a serious turn-off for me.

So my long winded suggestion is this; folks need to look at their long-term goals when they are dating. They need to decide what they want out of a partner emotionally and prioritize that above a ton of physical attributes. Again, lay out a few physical attributes that are an absolute must but then dial in on someone's personality.

Last edited by OatsAndHall; 13th October 2017 at 11:52 AM..
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