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Should I put I'm clinically depressed in my dating profile?


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Old 12th September 2017, 3:07 PM   #16
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Sorry to hear this but life is not at the end of the path, life is at the path to love! Never put down negative things in your profile or resume. Really won't mean anything to those the read it and they'll never understand what your really wanted to get across to them.

Depression is tough, taking med's for them really doesn't make the problem go away. Look at me I should be depressed but never could understand why people where until I dated a few women that had this condition. I can understand this condition now. You really need to find someone who understands it and can be with you. Dating is challenge enough and living through depression over love one an etc. is hard indeed. With good friends here and where you are I am sure you can make things happen for the right ways.
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Old 12th September 2017, 9:58 PM   #17
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No, do not put that in your profile. It is no one's business but yours.
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Old 12th September 2017, 10:43 PM   #18
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Women find depressed men sexy. Do you really have to ask? I have been treated for depression for 20 years and still am. Work on the principle of a need to know. First few dates there is no need to know. If it gets serious, then she needs to know. If it is obvious that you are depressed then I do not advise spending money on a dating site. If there is no way for her to tell, why tell her.

Treated mental problems and erectile dysfunction are not chick magnets so let the girl get to know you first. Unless you have a tendency to hurt yourself, there is no need to know.
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Old 13th September 2017, 11:56 AM   #19
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I think you need to extoll your virtues, I am a stranger but the advice you gave me said a lot about your character and based on that I believe you have a lot to offer the right guy.


List you positives because I believe we all have more of those than negatives, its just easier to dwell on negative because when things don't work its seen as a negative.


There is a case for absolute honesty and I used to believe that but I realised that few people actually appreciate absolute honesty so ultimately its better to be honest about what you are good at and not mention what you aren't good at. The right person will always hopefully appreciate the positives and help you with the negatives.


That's what I believe anyway.
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Old 13th September 2017, 12:30 PM   #20
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I don't think you should put it in your dating profile or reveal it in the first three dates. And 3 isn't a magic number. Keep it light as long as you can. If they notice something is wrong then you can tell them. But don't be too quick to tell people. In my lifetime I have known more than one pretty negative person who still managed to find someone that it didn't bother that much. Some people are more tolerant of it than others. Some people won't let someone else's mood affect their mood. Probably the more insecure someone is the more reactive they will be to it because they'll be wondering if it's them.

Obviously if for some reason you have a big episode that's over the top then maybe that's time to explain why that happened. But there's plenty of people who are kind of negative and worried about everything who are still considered Within normal parameters.

I will just tell you that I read your post on this board for a very long time and never picked up that you were having depression or mental challenges. You seem really fine to me in writing here on this board. So don't automatically assume that everyone sees what you know bubbles inside.
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Old 13th September 2017, 1:14 PM   #21
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I sort of have similar issues, maybe to a milder degree. I was never diagnosed but then again I never sought professional help. I also have large number of "friends" that only know me on a superficial level. Those that try to come closer probably find me inconsistent and flaky.


I hide it all well - most people have no idea.



Since I am older than you, my advice would be not to reveal it. I went through a stage where I wanted to be more open and vulnerable with people - including friends and men I dated. Worst period of my life. People were either uncomfortable and confused when I was even a little open about my struggles or worse, they really took advantage of me. I never had any understanding or support, it just seemed to push people further away. My family and 1 close friend are the only people that know me 100%.


Also keep in mind that many men you meet through OLD will have a TON of issues and baggage themselves, many worse than what you describe. You can bet on them not letting you or even lacking self-awareness to realize the extent of their own issues.



So now I am back at kind of not being too open....spending time by myself when I feel my mood is not great without too much explanation.
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Old 13th September 2017, 2:44 PM   #22
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I think it's awesome already that you open up about your depression. When I read your story how you just run away from your date with that guy and how you react to the anxiety of dating, I was wondering if there were other issues you could be dealing with. I think it's a good thing to talk about your issues, we all have them. Being open about our insecurities will make them less impactful on our lives as we grow older. It appears you're heading in the right direction in getting a handle on it.

Regarding your question, I personally wouldn't put that in the description just to avoid people who could use that info to try and manipulate you. I don't think it's a good idea to put forth your "best self" on the first date. I would have prefer you be your depressed self on your first date. As a guy who tends to suffer from a "hero-complex" which means I tend to fall for girls who appears sad. So don't think your depression is going to scare guys away, it could work the opposite and attract the good ones who wants to make you happy. When you meet a great guy, he'll be totally fine with your depression and anxiety. Your issues will help you connect with the right guy. Those negatives becomes a positive.
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Old 13th September 2017, 3:10 PM   #23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PegNosePete View Post
I would say this is 2nd date material.
I disagree as well. This is not stage for cancer or HIV or something. MANY people suffer from some type of depression. Honestly, as long as someone is being treated, this shouldn't give the normal person much pause. I mean, would someone refuse to date a person who had an insulin pump or asthma inhaler?

This new thing where we need to air all our deepest stuff that might make us "unworthy" right away so the other person can run as fast as possible from all our awful baggage is....well, it doesn't speak very well of our character, to be honest. Every person on earth with any life experience has baggage and idiosyncrasies.

I wouldn't put it on my profile because you don't owe strangers that info. And I wouldn't lay out a bunch of "disclaimers" on the first few dates. If it looks like it is going somewhere, you can always say that depression runs in your family, but that you manage it like any other condition.
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Old 13th September 2017, 6:42 PM   #24
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Originally Posted by Cookiesandough View Post

And it's not totally bad. I'm not always sad. To be honest, I don't mind it. I'm not ONLY my depression. I find myself more astute, chalked up to depressive realism. I'm pretty stoic and resilient, having felt lowest of the lows. But I know it will be something that will challenge me for life. I often find solace in the grim. I'll need to be alone a lot and need to explain why. While dating, should I be completely transparent and get however few are willing to bite or try my best to stifle it and focus on positivity on despite how I might feel?


Thank you
Cookies, don't lead with it but you can mention it casually on 3rd date or so. Depression is so common and manageable, it is not worse than saying you have some other chronic medical condition, like allergy or diabetes.

Just go with that you need to be alone a lot and may follow up if they ask questions.

I'm personally going to be much more impressed with someone being confident enough to describe their problem than someone faking positivity all the time (yes, I *can* and do sense when it is fake/overstated)
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Old 13th September 2017, 6:45 PM   #25
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Originally Posted by Eternal Sunshine View Post
I sort of have similar issues, maybe to a milder degree. I was never diagnosed but then again I never sought professional help. I also have large number of "friends" that only know me on a superficial level. Those that try to come closer probably find me inconsistent and flaky.
Why it manifests as flakiness? Because you need alone time when feeling depressed? (asking because I'm trying to explain to myself certain behaviors of people in my life... )
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Old 13th September 2017, 8:03 PM   #26
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I also have depression issues & like you I sometimes just crash down out of nowhere. It's made me become a very late bloomer in dating. I definitely know what you're going through believe me.
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Old 13th September 2017, 8:37 PM   #27
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OP,

IMO, I would not put that information on your online dating profile because the OLD profile is just a small sample of who you are, just a snippet of info to get you thru the door to someone you might like and vice versa.

Also, it sounds like you are a bubbly, happy person here so I imagine on the first date or two, you are probably happy and bubbly. I don't think you have to go into specifics of anything until you feel you might think a relationship could go forward with someone. Otherwise, just enjoy the date.

Like you said, you are not only your depression. Sounds like you have an excellent handle on it, so IMO - nobody's business, at least in the initial stages.
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Old 14th September 2017, 4:09 AM   #28
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Originally Posted by Cookiesandough View Post
What I worry about is either of us becoming invested in that time, only to find out that I have periods of almost paralyzing sadness they would have never signed up for initially.
Yes, but that can happen to anyone. My partner is a doctor, she had a 27 year old patient who got cancer yesterday. I'm sure her BF didn't sign up for that, but he's not going to "dip out". Yes it's a bit different because you already have this issue whereas she developed it in an established relationship, but my point is that people end up in situations they didn't sign up for all the time. If the relationship is strong enough, they stand by their partner.

The reason I'd mention it earlier than most other people are recommending, is that the longer you leave it, the more it will be built up in your mind, and the more of a "big secret" it will become. The bigger it becomes, the more difficult it will be to reveal, and the more lies you'll have to tell about why you don't want to come out tonight etc. You will feel guilty about keeping the secret and that will make you feel worse, and may even lead to the end of the relationship.
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Old 15th September 2017, 11:29 AM   #29
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I wouldn't put it to the profile for a lot of reasons given by other posters.

But maybe you don't need to appear bubbly and happy-go-lucky on dates if it's not really you. Reading your threads, could it be the reason why you sometimes want to escape after first date because it is exhausting to keep up the act?

I don't mean that you have to be apathetic or negative on a date but if you want a connection, could you just be more serious, more authentic you? If the guy doesn't click with you because of this then so be it. You are very pretty and you probably get a lot of messages from superficial guys, so being true to yourself should weed out those who just see a pretty face.
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Old 16th September 2017, 8:03 PM   #30
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Cookies, I had no idea about this

I know lots of people say tey understand and blah, blah

But I do, I have bipolar II, early onset. It started when I was 12.

It took me ten years to get my medications just right. Those ten years were like a nightmare I couldnt wake up from. But I can honestly say, every medication I tried, even the ones that made my hair fall out, sleep for 17 hours on end, and hallucinate.... it was worth it...

I havent had a significant symptom in 8 years. Its almost like I dont have bipolar anymore. Of course I'll always have it, its a chronic illness. But my medications work so well, I have the privilege of living life symptom free. My point in telling you all that is, never settle for feeling just, 'ok'. If you had diabetes, would you go without proper pharmaceutical treatment? Nope, you'd be taking insulin or oral meds, checking your blood glucose levels etc. Mental illnesses are no different.

Don't stop trying new treatments until you find one that works. And if you need motivation to do that, think of this.... you will not have a healthy relationship until you get your illness under control. If my diagnosis wasnt properly treated, I would be in no condition to date. Your dark times and pain will always creep up at one point or another and interfere with your relationships. Thats just the reality of it.

As for how you should address this in dating.... I dont disclose my diagnosis until I've been with someone, exclusively for quite some time. Probably because my diagnosis has no bearing on who I am now or how I function in a relationship. But if I wasnt being treated, I would disclose it early on because it would have a significant impact on the guy I'm dating and our relationship

PM me anytime you want to talk Really.
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