How to search for self-love instead of love

[youdunsay]

I'm a woman turning 30s and I think I've reached a point of englightment that relationship isn't an equation that one plus one equals to two. In the practical world, the population of women are several times the men. Given every individual has its own preference, statistically speaking, the people who actually or luckily paired up were far and few. In short, you can never get what you hope. If you do get it, it's purely luck. How can I train my mind to forget about searching for love and start loving myself?

[CptInsano]

Well, about 44% of adults are single in the US, and the ratio of men to women in this country is around 86/100, including the elderly. So I have no idea why you believe it should be generally impossible to find a spouse.

 

If you want to be happy as a single, I would recommend a lot of social interaction and finding something (job, volunteering, hobby, fitness, etc.) that you are truly passionate about.

[caveman621]

Not to be all woo, but you can't help others until you help yourself. You can't love others until you love yourself. I have been the take care of business provide support husband/father/son etc. for many, many years. Getting divorced (almost there! Getting close!) and my kids are grown so I can let go of a lot, but not all, of that burden.

 

I have a girlfriend of a couple years who turned me on to more possibilities. Although some might think it's crap, I find it helps me. At least some. Try meditation!

[preraph]

Pets are great and make you feel like you have a family and a purpose, give you responsibility and ground you sometimes more than you'd prefer to be grounded.

You have to have your own interests and make a life and just not wait until you're paired up to do it.

 

That said, some people love and need a lot of alone time and some people can barely stand any. If you are truly one who can't stand to be alone, my guess is you will find yourself making choices you are not entirely happy with to have a companion, as I've seen other women do.

 

I think you should explore the different ways and you should look for a friend who might become a great companion as well.

[Mysterio]

The truth is this. Until we pass over to the other side. We all will be in and out of relatiionships. Just because we see couples together. Does not mean its a love fest 24/7.

 

I don't think that just because a person is single and wants a romantic relationship, means that they are lacking self love.

 

To be honest I think not having friends is way worse than not having a romantic relationship. To lay your eggs in one basket it tough so to speak.

 

I think if one can override the desire for physical affection that one should be getting in a romantic relationship. That is really the key.

 

I think about it all the time. I feel for me that the only way I will have a special someone is to let go of being the driving force, in aquiring Love. Do I really need it so bad that I will let my life spiral out of control to get it. When your younger. You don't see patterns in your life. Once you get older and have more insight. You can think tank yourself to a certain extent.

 

The real reason I think I am single is because I am dating women or trying to spark romantic relationships with women, that are really not into me or look at me in a romantic way/I am locked into being treated really well and want the best woman for myself and her looking at me the same way. Those women are not around in abundance. They are in a small group.

 

Another way to look at it. My choices are sub par to what the universe is giving me. Its like if group one is my efforts. vs Group 2 is the Universe. The Universe is giving me a better deal, than one that I try to cook up to my own. I have had it go more my way, when the woman is into me. Than when I try to date this woman or that.

 

So for me. I have to let it come to me. Its just that I don't like giving up that control. I have to and I just have to let the universe bring me a special lady for me. In a way, with so many couples breaking up around me. I think that If I live to be 87-97. If I were to play it out. I would rather have a special love relationship in the back half of my life. Than say got hitched at 20 and break apart late 40/early 50s and then go through the ups and downs of relationships form age 46 to late 80's.

 

I predict that a woman will basically come out the universe for me and we will make a go of it. Other than merging our finances and living arrangments. It should work out well.

[Frostedflake]

Well, yeah- the world isn't going to be paired 50/50.

There's way too many factors. There's people you wouldn't even consider in the dating pool because of preferences and age. There's people that are non-monogamous as it is and therefore have many partners. Etc.

 

My grandma is 82 and her husband passed away 3yrs ago at 86.

She's talked about getting married again and I just kinda chuckled at it. Because she doesn't and will not date. She loved my grandpa and all, but complained a lot about having to take care of another person.

So she settled on the idea that she would rather have a traveling companion. Separate beds, separate lives. But coming together to travel the world as she likes to and has done. And that could be a man or woman. Right now it's this awesome (also in her 80's) woman named Nenna and they're going to Egypt.

 

..I think overall, people just crave company. And in theory, relationships and marriage are assured ways to have that and maintain it.

So maybe all you need is a companion. And they'll come when you've plotted where you wanna go and you're happening to be headed the same way.