How hard is dating after college with little to no experience?

[Silveresque]

I'm planning on going really hardcore and graduating early as well as taking many actuarial exams, so I'll be done with those early. In part, this is because I have a great interest in the material and I would like to also get done with these things as soon as possible.

 

I also really haven't had much success with dating in college so far. I tried cold approach for a few weeks and that didn't work, because women in college typically only date through social circles. I'm also a non-drinker and because of my hardcore schedule I wouldn't have adequate time to be in a fraternity and would probably only be able to go to parties once in a while. I just won't really be able to have a social life because of how much I'll have to be studying. But overall, I also just haven't had any luck in meeting any girls who were interested and I just feel like perhaps now is not the right time.

 

So as I said originally, my plan is now to just go hardcore in working towards my career over the next few years and be done with all the exams and become a fully credentialed actuary by my early twenties. The only thing I'm worried about though is how hard is it to make friends or find people to date (especially as a non-drinker since going to bars alone becomes useless). Dating-wise I also have little experience so far in general. I've only been on a few first dates, had one fling, and only maximally kissed so far.

 

So I'm a little concerned about whether I'll be doing myself a serious disservice with this approach. I heard that it becomes extremely difficult to meet new people after college and lack of romantic/sexual experience starts to become more of a deal-breaker for people. How true is this? I've heard mixed reports on this. Some say that for most women it's a deal-breaker, while others say that for most it isn't. I'd hate to end up in this sort of catch-22. Additionally, while many will say that we should only care about getting into relationships with people who are accepting of this, and I agree with this, I fear that it's an unrealistic expectation to have if the proportion of women for whom being a later virgin is not a deal-breaker is low enough.

[Silveresque]

Bump.

10char

[normal person]

I also really haven't had much success with dating in college so far. I tried cold approach for a few weeks and that didn't work, because women in college typically only date through social circles.

 

More likely, your cold approach didn't work because cold approaches are moronic and contrived. I've been out of college for a bit, but this was not my experience. I met girls everywhere: through friends, because we lived on the same floor/building, at parties, etc. If a girl likes you, she's not going to turn you down because none of her friends know you. And I've never cold approached anyone.

 

 

I'm also a non-drinker and because of my hardcore schedule I wouldn't have adequate time to be in a fraternity and would probably only be able to go to parties once in a while. I just won't really be able to have a social life because of how much I'll have to be studying. But overall, I also just haven't had any luck in meeting any girls who were interested and I just feel like perhaps now is not the right time.

 

You don't have to be a frat. To think that only people who are in frats meet girls is a big, big stretch.

 

I wouldn't alter the course of your life to date a few girls in their early 20s who have no clue what they want anyways. Once you get hired you'll be making good money and commanding a good deal of respect. By the time you're in your mid 20s, you're going to be golden. Around that age, I've found women often become less easily impressed with the things they fawned after in their youth and start becoming more impressed by men who are responsible, mature, adults with respectable jobs and the like. When you're in your mid 20s, you'll have the best of both worlds: you'll be making good money and still be young enough to have fun and see what/who is out there.

 

So as I said originally, my plan is now to just go hardcore in working towards my career over the next few years and be done with all the exams and become a fully credentialed actuary by my early twenties. The only thing I'm worried about though is how hard is it to make friends or find people to date (especially as a non-drinker since going to bars alone becomes useless). Dating-wise I also have little experience so far in general. I've only been on a few first dates, had one fling, and only maximally kissed so far.

 

I think your plan is perfectly fine. When you're done with school you can drink and go out all you want. You'll be in a city full of single women. Most of them won't have much experience dating outside of college either, which is a lot different. A lot will probably hold you in higher regard for having a great job and being accomplished while they sleep 3 to an apartment and are still eating Ramen. At that age, no one's going to judge you too hard if you make a dating mistake once in a while, because everyone else is trying to figure out the new landscape too.

 

So I'm a little concerned about whether I'll be doing myself a serious disservice with this approach. I heard that it becomes extremely difficult to meet new people after college and lack of romantic/sexual experience starts to become more of a deal-breaker for people. How true is this? I've heard mixed reports on this. Some say that for most women it's a deal-breaker, while others say that for most it isn't. I'd hate to end up in this sort of catch-22. Additionally, while many will say that we should only care about getting into relationships with people who are accepting of this, and I agree with this, I fear that it's an unrealistic expectation to have if the proportion of women for whom being a later virgin is not a deal-breaker is low enough.

 

Plenty of people get married to people they met after college. As your "experience," some women might care, most won't, and you can fake/fumble your way through most things anyways if you know the basics. No one's going to ask you how many women you've slept with when you start dating them. They probably won't even want to know.

 

I think you'll be fine on the path you're on, don't worry. I'd bet money you'll probably end up better than most. Best of luck.

[SwordofFlame]

I would say don't neglect your social life to the extent that you won't have any good friends from college. If you think dating is hard after college, making new friends can be even harder.

[Mrlonelyone]

Actually Id say... if after college you move to a community with lots of single younger adults you will find dating is not that different than it is in college. There are neighborhoods and apartment blocks that cater to single young adults. Find such a place and at least hang out there if not live there and just go out and have fun. After college after work is done you are more free to relax actually.