LookAtThisPOst Posted November 24, 2016 Posted November 24, 2016 This post is pretty much directed at men...as...would you have the patience for this or...move on? As this whole dating/phone# becomes a practice in judging the other person's actions. "Oh, she wont' give me her # after our date? She must be married" or other suspicions versus, she's "just being cautious in this dangerous world." I know there's been threads regarding a woman not giving out her phone # before meeting an online dating, but I got to talking to a female friend of mine who has been online dating quite some time. We got to talking about exchanging phone #'s and meeting in person, but she let it out that even after a couple of dates, she still doesn't give out her #. And it's not because to determine a level of interest in a guy, like "If I'm interested in seeing him again...we'll just talk via POF or whatever dating platform they are both on." Do you think she's being overly cautious? However, she does meet sooner than later, so that counters the thought if she's just only doing pen-pals online. In her case, her # is VERY private to her and she's had some bad experiences from guys sending her constant texts throughout the day. But, I was just wondering from some of the men here would you have patience for this? Would you hold out and play along...be patient, and continue to be without her phone # until her 2nd or 3rd date? Never heard of someone taking it to this extreme. I could understand before...but after you've met in person? So it becomes a game of trust between to people who are both doing themselves a disservice? But the thing is, I know this woman personally, she has no man, not a player...just very cautious. If somehow the guy she's seeing knew me...at least that guy would hear from me that "Hey, she's not married, nor has a a boyfriend, nor nothing to hide" But that won't happen because it's just the two of them in cyberspace. So this is why I sometimes think online dating becomes a stalemate between two people in this case. Her: I don't want to give out my phone # yet Him: Oh, see ya then...you're married or have a boyfriend ..or hiding something..or just not interested...so...time to move on.
Weezy1973 Posted November 24, 2016 Posted November 24, 2016 Sure I'd wait if I was interested. It's most likely that she's just being cautious. I'd still continue to date others at that early stage though...
Michelle ma Belle Posted November 24, 2016 Posted November 24, 2016 Having been harassed myself I can completely understand her hesitation and subsequent need to keep her number private initially HOWEVER if after a couple of dates I STILL don't feel comfortable enough to share my number with a guy then I must be making pretty bad choices in who I'm accepting dates from. That's how I see it. At the end of the day, this is life. You just have to look at serial killers like Ted Bundy to know that there are no guarantees (I'm obviously being hyperbolic to get my point across). Dating is essentially about taking risks regardless of your gender. That doesn't mean you shouldn't be careful and smart about your choices but you also can't live inside a bubble forever. If I were a guy and this situation presented itself to me, if I liked her I'd wait it out but I'd definitely be keeping my options open too. 2
NuevoYorko Posted November 24, 2016 Posted November 24, 2016 He should move on. If she were interested in more than a passing way she'd give her phone number. 1
Imajerk17 Posted November 24, 2016 Posted November 24, 2016 (edited) LATP , interested women do all sorts of "crazier" things, sometimes up to and including going home w a man they just met. A woman not giving a guy her number after ONE date is not interested and likely never will be, nevermind A FEW dates. The guy should just save himself the aggravation and move on. In general, interested women make dating/figuring out the next move easy. Edited November 24, 2016 by Imajerk17 1
Pete2304 Posted November 25, 2016 Posted November 25, 2016 I'd say it's way over the top. And hardly the most romantic start to a relationship.....well I would give you my number but you could be a weirdo and start stalking me if I decide I don't want to see you again. It's a phone number not a set of front door keys. What's the worst that can happen, she meets someone who does end up keeping on texting her if it doesn't work out? Well then block his number.
TheTraveler Posted November 25, 2016 Posted November 25, 2016 (edited) But, I was just wondering from some of the men here would you have patience for this? Would you hold out and play along...be patient, and continue to be without her phone # until her 2nd or 3rd date? 100% man here I would have NEXT her. This raises red flags in my mind. I would also like to add if you're that paranoid get a google voice number. There are options out there if you do not want to disclose your personal digits Edited November 25, 2016 by TheTraveler
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted November 25, 2016 Author Posted November 25, 2016 100% man here I would have NEXT her. This raises red flags in my mind. I would also like to add if you're that paranoid get a google voice number. There are options out there if you do not want to disclose your personal digits Actually, she wouldn't know how to do the Google phone thing as she's rather technologically disadvantage. She doesn't even have Internet at home, just uses it on her lunch break at work. She said, "I wouldn't have given you MY # if you asked for it." I told her, I always get a # and NEXT the women who don't give it to me because it means they are probably hiding something, have a live-in boyfriend, or at worst...married. I always get voice confirmation on who they say they are by hearing their voice. She also said, "I don't like talking on the phone anyway", yet she'll gab on the phone with her personal friends all day...so she has her exceptions. She is seeing a guy though, so apparently he played along. *shrug*
Imajerk17 Posted November 25, 2016 Posted November 25, 2016 (edited) Actually, she wouldn't know how to do the Google phone thing as she's rather technologically disadvantage. She doesn't even have Internet at home, just uses it on her lunch break at work. She said, "I wouldn't have given you MY # if you asked for it." I told her, I always get a # and NEXT the women who don't give it to me because it means they are probably hiding something, have a live-in boyfriend, or at worst...married. I always get voice confirmation on who they say they are by hearing their voice. She also said, "I don't like talking on the phone anyway", yet she'll gab on the phone with her personal friends all day...so she has her exceptions. She is seeing a guy though, so apparently he played along. *shrug* LATP, this is more a general comment. You are going by the wrong things. You tend to take way too literally a woman's WORDS to you. When a woman puts up what seems like these crazy obstacles to you (we'll assume the generic 'you' here), such as not giving out her number after even one date, or telling you she is too busy to date, it doesn't mean that she is putting her walls too high, nor that she is socially inept and doesn't get that she is playing too hard to get or she is being crazy or whatever. It instead means she isn't interested. The guy that this woman is seeing probably got her number by the end of the first date. Giving out her number so soon might not even be something she usually does, but I'll bet you a lot of money that this is something she ALWAYS finds herself doing or a guy she ends up taking seriously enough to date regularly. The best way to handle situations like these is to just not waste your time. Ironically, the best thing you can do for your dating life is to show self-respect and being willing to walk away when you get these crazy excuses, sometimes the woman in question even comes back around! Edited November 25, 2016 by Imajerk17
Mysterio Posted November 25, 2016 Posted November 25, 2016 I went through that. I would say keep dating. No major effort. Just stick to E-mails. If she see you out with another woman. No applogies. Some people have to learn the hard way, when they make things difficult.
GemmaUK Posted November 26, 2016 Posted November 26, 2016 LATP, this is more a general comment. You are going by the wrong things. You tend to take way too literally a woman's WORDS to you. When a woman puts up what seems like these crazy obstacles to you (we'll assume the generic 'you' here), such as not giving out her number after even one date, or telling you she is too busy to date, it doesn't mean that she is putting her walls too high, nor that she is socially inept and doesn't get that she is playing too hard to get or she is being crazy or whatever. It instead means she isn't interested. The guy that this woman is seeing probably got her number by the end of the first date. Giving out her number so soon might not even be something she usually does, but I'll bet you a lot of money that this is something she ALWAYS finds herself doing or a guy she ends up taking seriously enough to date regularly. The best way to handle situations like these is to just not waste your time. Ironically, the best thing you can do for your dating life is to show self-respect and being willing to walk away when you get these crazy excuses, sometimes the woman in question even comes back around! Agreed. Bolded for obvious emphasis. OP, please stop concerning/stressing yourself with other people's choices and decisions on dating. If it ends up being a problem it's 'their' problem. It's not yours. You can have happily moved on! 3
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