I feel like I must be ugly because a guy has never asked for my phone number?

[ionability]

I feel like I don't attract guys because they never approach me and barely hit on me. I am in college and I hear other women talk about men approaching them for their number at the library or for a date (and usually, they do not display interest in these men) and this never happens to me, which leads me to believe that guys just find me unattractive. All I get are old and/or homeless guys on the street calling me very beautiful. Yet, college guys won't even look my way. Sometimes I try to put myself out there in college, by joining study sessions and I even joined a christian organization but nothing came out of it. The guys in the christian organization on campus practically ignored me and pretended like I did not exist.

 

I know people say 'lower your standards' but how can I 'lower my standards' when no guy approaches me, so I practically do not even know what league I am in. All I know is that sometimes I might find a guy staring at me and I try to stare back and then later he acts like he isn't interested in me anymore because he doesn't approach or he resumes whatever task he is doing.

 

The thing is that I have a thin body (5'6 and weigh around 125 pounds) and I try to wear makeup every time I go out to appeal/look presentable to men. I pretty much have a non-existent love life which leads me to believe that I will always be forever alone and I may not find someone. I mean, I am only human and I really want to find someone love and have someone to love me back but I feel like I am so faraway from finding it; I am a really emotional/affectionate person. I really don't want to do online dating but I feel like that is only way I can get a date/find love (I guess I might do it when I am 30 and dateless lol).

[Herbalist]

Nah, there are guys who will do the equivalent of "cold calling" only with women, they will do several cold approaches. Guys like this are usually looking to put in minimal effort instead of getting to know a woman and building a connection over time, they will just ask many women for their number and hope that eventually they 'score' somehow. Since they don't care about the woman's personality and are just trying to get numbers, it's safe to assume that in most cases, those guys are just hoping for hookups. It's also a method that seldom works, and even you have noted that the women who have been approached had no interest in giving their numbers to random sleazelords.

 

You are probably average which is a great place to be. Hotter-than-average women get harassed by the sleazelords but that doesn't mean an actual connection or relationship. Homely women like myself also sometimes get harassed by a sleazelord or two, except that it's because they assume that we will have low self-esteem and put out readily / be an easy bj, etc. So chances are you have an average, natural beauty.

 

Genuine relationships are not the norm in college. There is lots of casual sex, flings and dating, but especially with lots of guys these days, they are looking for quick, easy sex. They approach the scene with the belief that getting head on a first date or sex by the second date should be normal. So if you seem to have some self-respect that may also keep them away, like shooing the rats. Don't think "Christian" guys are going to be any different, either, as that's another area where many talk the talk, but few walk the walk.

 

But if you keep being social and friendly and putting yourself out there in groups for hobbies, volunteering, etc then eventually you will build a connection with a gentleman. They are harder to find but worth the wait.

[Dark Horse]

When you're out and about, do you look approachable? Do you smile or do you always have a serious look on your face? Iv'e seen some pretty girls at my college but they always have this serious face and this makes them look unapproachable because whether they realize it or not, they're sending out this don't talk to me vibe. If you want to be approachable, smile at guys as they're walking by. This one girl who I planned to approach smiled at me for a month but I later found out she got a boyfriend during that time period so I got beat to the punch. :'(

 

 

Do you eat lunch/dinner at the cafeteria? If so then I challenge you to sit by yourself for two weeks. I used to sit by myself at the cafeteria and i'd have random people come sit by me sometimes, including girls. In fact that's how I became friends with two girls, I was sitting by myself and they asked me to come sit by them. So if you want to meet guys, go sit by yourself at the cafeteria, take your headphones out and eventually a guy is going to approach you, I guarantee it.

 

 

Finally when a guy does talk to you, remember to smile and be as friendly as possible. Try not to give 1 worded responses all the time, ask questions about himself, act like you're genuinely interested in him and getting to know him.

[IfonlyIknew]

It could have nothing to do with how you look but how you carry yourself.

Do you smile at strangers regularly? Small talk at the check out? Do you welcome it or shrug it off to end it? You may look stuck up to someone when really you could just be more shy/introverted. You're on the right track by joining these activities, try doing some more small talk.

[Buddhist]

I feel like I don't attract guys because they never approach me and barely hit on me.

 

Heres the secret. Being hit on is less about how pretty you are and more about how approachable you seem. Men are big chickens and they avoid rejection by choosing the most likely targets to be receptive who also happen to okay looking. A woman could be a perfect 10 but if she's not approachable she will be lonely or only hit on by supreme superstar players who drink concrete for breakfast to harden up.

 

Here are some surefire ways to ensure you are not 'hit on' from the expert in flying under that radar. Take it from me I've been telepathically telling guys to shove off for over 20yrs. And it apparently works. Be honest with yourself do you habitually do these things?

 

When in the library do you read a book? Yep this is guaranteed to not get you dates. What's wrong here is that you are actually busy doing something that the guy will have to interrupt. You may respond to that interruption with a raised eyebrow and that's scary as all get out to a guy.

 

When you are being stared at do you stare right back? Wrong move. When being stared at you are supposed to look down and smile then giggle stupidly to your friend. The more flattered you appear by his total lack of manners the more likely he will think you like him.

 

Do you use your phone ever in public? Yeah another no, no. Especially don't go around with earphones in blocking out all external noise.

 

Are you a brisk walker, making it from point A to point B in less than an eternity? Bad move. You're supposed to meander aimlessly around like you are lost or have several hours to kill.

 

Do you easily find ways to amuse yourself when alone and have a low need to constantly chatter? You're an introvert and anathema to pretty much any man. They know that introverts suck at small talk, so do they, ergo introverts are the GFs of last resort because then they will have to carry the conversation instead of leaving it up to Miss Extrovert to just ramble on. Introverts are hard work for men, they typically have interests that involve solitary time, don't often spend time in available places like shopping malls, clubs, bars etc, when they're alone they're typically doing something instead of looking about for the next human to amuse them. Introverts are hard nuts to crack. We are a fortress unto ourselves and don't naturally latch onto other people in order to get the conversation going.

 

And these days because I'm really not in the mood I wear a diamond ring. It doesn't matter it's on the wrong hand and finger. Guys don't notice the details they just see a sparkly ring and decide game over.

Edited November 21, 2016 by Buddhist

[Chris2016]

OP, any guys in class, study session, group, activities, someone you repeatedly see at the library, that may not be so much on the looks side?

[LargoLagg]

Do you know how to apply makeup? You might make yourself look like a clown. One of my girlfriends when I was in college did that, and she got offended when I told her so, but she looked like she should have been in the circus. So that's a possibility.

 

The way you dress, your hair, your posture could all contribute to the image you present.

 

That said, you should have a sense of how your face looks relative to others. You must know if you're hideous, ugly, plain, decent, hot, or at least one of two.

 

Do you resemble anyone who is famous enough to be googled?

[salparadise]

Do you resemble anyone who is famous enough to be googled?

 

 

Seriously? A doppelgänger? Can you womansplain that to me. Either I skipped Mate Selection 101 the day they covered that, or maybe I'm just clueless.

[LargoLagg]

Seriously? A doppelgänger? Can you womansplain that to me. Either I skipped Mate Selection 101 the day they covered that, or maybe I'm just clueless.

Sure.

 

A. this might be me

 

or B. this might be me

 

If two guys asked you out, one resembled A and the other B, would you refuse either of them?

 

It at least gives us an idea. So far, I don't think we have one, except that she's slim, which is not the worst thing in the world to be.

 

For all we know, she might look like Amy Schumer, which would explain everything.

[Logan787]

I think what your problem is, is that you are a woman of great morals and not a promiscuous person. THAT is a good thing. People are attracted to other people I believe through instinctual common traits. Don't lower your standards just to get a guy. You will not be happy in the end. Guys aren't attracted to good girls just like women aren't attracted to good guys. Find that good guy that you're looking for or better, let him find you. i think any guy would be blessed and lucky to have you. Would love to hear your response to my advice.

[kckc]

Everyone is beautiful!!! It's just a matter of our self-esteem.

[LargoLagg]

Returning to this thread, I recall that a lot of guys in college will not approach a woman unless she gives him signals, and even then, they take forever to work up the courage.

 

You're going to have to make a lot of eye contact, but if you do that, they'll start knocking at your door.

[Arieswoman]

ionability,

I am going to come at this from a different angle, which may or may not sit well with you.

 

You are at college, OK, and you're there to get a qualification that can move you forward with your life? That IMO should be your priority.

 

So why get all bent out of shape because guys aren't asking you for your number/dates etc?

 

When you have your qualifications - degree/masters whatever and have a smart job, nice salary, cool car, sweet lifestyle and can show the world that you are an independent, intelligent woman, hey ho, you have loads of options about who you want to date.

 

Build for the future, you won't regret it

 

Good luck x

[DrReplyInRhymes]

Hi, I'm a guy!

 

What's your number?

[Chill72]

Hi, I'm a guy!

 

What's your number?

 

Ok I'm married man looking to meet local girls with benefits with no strings attached . Any ideas?

[thefooloftheyear]

ionability,

I am going to come at this from a different angle, which may or may not sit well with you.

 

You are at college, OK, and you're there to get a qualification that can move you forward with your life? That IMO should be your priority.

 

So why get all bent out of shape because guys aren't asking you for your number/dates etc?

 

When you have your qualifications - degree/masters whatever and have a smart job, nice salary, cool car, sweet lifestyle and can show the world that you are an independent, intelligent woman, hey ho, you have loads of options about who you want to date.

 

Build for the future, you won't regret it

 

Good luck x

 

Right on...

 

We're older....we have the hindsight to know what's really important...I drill these same concepts you are mentioning to my daughter...I don't know if she listens or not, I didn't have the same guidance and made a bunch of stupid mistakes...Who knows if I would even listen, though....

 

If only we could do it all over..

 

TFY

[RecentChange]

I agree with others that it has a lot to do with attitude.

 

I LOVE talking with strangers, I think most would find me quite approachable. I often strike up conversations with strangers - and I also agree with putting the phone down - people are way more likely to be approached when their nose isn't in a screen.

 

And I get hit on pretty often. The eye contact and a smile I may lend a stranger doesn't mean I am interested, but it's just how I interact with the world.

 

And I am no beauty pageant queen - last week a guy at a grocery store asked me out - I had no make up on, hair up in a pony tail, and was wearing my horse back riding gear.

 

But he had caught me climbing the shelves to reach a yogurt, and I smiled at him and laughed - I had opened the door.

 

Are you opening the door?

[RecentChange]

Oh and one more thing.

 

Regarding those saying college is for education and nothing else - eh, I disagree.

 

Just like grammar through high school not only teaches what is learned in the class room, kids also learn about social interaction. They are with a large group of their peers, ans it's a time of growth and learning how to cooperate / socialize with others.

 

It's the same in college but on an even larger scale. You are with a bunch of people with in your peer group, and for many this is the time they learn about the next step in social interaction. Relationships and sex.

 

Read the LS threads. So many from people who never participated in this important part of life while in college - a time when you are going to have more access to those in your peer groups then you will ever have again.

 

And now they are out in the real world, where it's much much harder to meet people, yet they never developed their social skills to that next step - and are left floundering.

 

I am 38. Of my friends, there are a handful who never successfully dated in college - and have been single ever since. The ones that did date in college are married, or have had long term relationships etc. None of the hopelessly single dated in college.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

Ok I'm married man looking to meet local girls with benefits with no strings attached . Any ideas?

 

Yes!

 

Include your wife, swingers/sex clubs, or any other option that pops into your head.

 

I just wanted her to have a guy ask for her number since she claims she's never had a guy ask for her number.

[Chris2016]

Oh and one more thing.

 

Regarding those saying college is for education and nothing else - eh, I disagree.

 

Just like grammar through high school not only teaches what is learned in the class room, kids also learn about social interaction. They are with a large group of their peers, ans it's a time of growth and learning how to cooperate / socialize with others.

 

It's the same in college but on an even larger scale. You are with a bunch of people with in your peer group, and for many this is the time they learn about the next step in social interaction. Relationships and sex.

 

Read the LS threads. So many from people who never participated in this important part of life while in college - a time when you are going to have more access to those in your peer groups then you will ever have again.

 

And now they are out in the real world, where it's much much harder to meet people, yet they never developed their social skills to that next step - and are left floundering.

 

I am 38. Of my friends, there are a handful who never successfully dated in college - and have been single ever since. The ones that did date in college are married, or have had long term relationships etc. None of the hopelessly single dated in college.

 

I disagree also.

 

Focus on school and it'll come later, seems to be a go to advice. No, it may not.

 

What does it mean though to be socially successful, in college? Successfully dated? For people who struggle, that may not come easily, because I guess the opportunities may not be there. There experiences may actually be negative.

 

OP said guys never ask for her number, yet she sees her peers experience differently/positively. Myself, I've never been told I'm handsome. Never given the green light. Manage to only attract one person, and I feel that was lucky.

 

I guess learn to see where you fit in early on is maybe what it means? I dunno.