Online Dating Questions

[Miss Peach]

I've noticed on OLD that I get a lot of message from guys who place a lot of emphasis on slim women. On OK Cupid they have questions/answers you can go through. These guys will say things like it would be a deal breaker if a potential match were overweight even a little bit, they only like athletic/toned bodies, etc.

 

One guy who messaged me I was about to message back because I liked his initial message but then I noticed he had probably 5-6 references to this.

 

As a woman I realize men need to find a woman attractive but find this attitude shallow and a turn off. Just curious why men write this stuff on their profiles. I find it even stranger that I get messages from these guys when I have several full body pics - I am not tiny, slim, toned. I about average size for a woman but I have more of a Christina Hendricks body type.

 

I find it especially funny when they are fat, balding, etc. themselves. Can someone explain why men post this all over their profiles? I'm curious if I'm reading this the wrong way as a woman.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I've noticed on OLD that I get a lot of message from guys who place a lot of emphasis on slim women. On OK Cupid they have questions/answers you can go through. These guys will say things like it would be a deal breaker if a potential match were overweight even a little bit, they only like athletic/toned bodies, etc.

 

One guy who messaged me I was about to message back because I liked his initial message but then I noticed he had probably 5-6 references to this.

 

As a woman I realize men need to find a woman attractive but find this attitude shallow and a turn off. Just curious why men write this stuff on their profiles. I find it even stranger that I get messages from these guys when I have several full body pics - I am not tiny, slim, toned. I about average size for a woman but I have more of a Christina Hendricks body type.

 

I find it especially funny when they are fat, balding, etc. themselves. Can someone explain why men post this all over their profiles? I'm curious if I'm reading this the wrong way as a woman.

 

Sounds a little strange. Why would a guy ask about your body type when the pics are right there?

 

Maybe he's tired of being bamboozled.

 

Stuff like this makes me thank my lucky stars I don't have to deal with dating right now.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I have more of a Christina Hendricks body type.

 

Omg! Where have you been all my life! :-)

 

Anyway, yeah...people, but men and women, start to get a bit more frank in their profiles days.

 

I would see long lists in the "Email me if..." section...and they would end it with, "If you find anything in my list at all offensive, chances are we won't be a good match."

 

So they even acknowledge that whatever they said in their profile may come off as abrasive, but qualify it with that ending statement.

[Miss Peach]

Sounds a little strange. Why would a guy ask about your body type when the pics are right there?

 

Maybe he's tired of being bamboozled.

 

Stuff like this makes me thank my lucky stars I don't have to deal with dating right now.

 

He didn't ask. His profile has many references he wants a body type different from mine. He even says he's tried but can't find himself attracted to women who aren't slim. So I'm curious why message me if I'm not that?

 

I've noticed many men put this as a deal breaker in their profiles. It seems shallow coming from a woman's perspective. I'm curious if I'm missing something coming from a man's perspective.

[j_flow]

I've noticed many men put this as a deal breaker in their profiles. It seems shallow coming from a woman's perspective. I'm curious if I'm missing something coming from a man's perspective.

 

No, "many men" don't put that as a deal breaker, just the ones you're looking at

 

In fact most men on dating sites aren't picky at all about a woman's body type. They'd be content if she wasn't obese because they rarely get any replies at all. You're just consistently looking at the 5-10% that can afford to be that shallow. Maybe lower your standards a little and reevaluate?

 

Here's an article from Business Insider for backing:

http://www.businessinsider.com/likelihood-of-getting-a-response-in-online-dating-men-vs-women-2013-7

Edited October 15, 2016 by j_flow

[NJ123]

Honestly, it goes both ways. I can't tell you how many times I've seen women say "please be 6 foot or taller". Or list a whole list of requirements that they want in a guy in their profile.

[NJ123]

No, "many men" don't put that as a deal breaker, just the ones you're looking at

 

In fact most men on dating sites aren't picky at all about a woman's body type. They'd be content if she wasn't obese because they rarely get any replies at all. You're just consistently looking at the 5-10% that can afford to be that shallow. Maybe lower your standards a little and reevaluate?

 

Here's an article from Business Insider for backing:

Likelihood Of Getting A Response In Online Dating: Men Vs. Women - Business Insider

 

I don't care what a woman's body looks like unless they're completely overweight or too thin. I find average, fit & curvy women the most attractive.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I don't care what a woman's body looks like unless they're completely overweight or too thin. I find average, fit & curvy women the most attractive.

 

Well, proof is there in the puddin'

 

I think there was something going around the internet on what a man vs woman's greatest fear when it comes to online dating.

 

For a woman, shes'a afraid of getting murdered

 

A man...afraid the woman will wind up obese.

[angel.eyes]

I don't care what a woman's body looks like unless they're completely overweight or too thin. I find average, fit & curvy women the most attractive.

 

What exactly do you mean by average?

 

The median size for American women is currently a size 16, and once you account for vanity sizing, it's actually size 16-18. The 'average' US woman is a size 16, not 14, study finds - TODAY.com In other words, the average woman is clearly overweight. No shockers there as two-thirds of the American population (men and women) are overweight or obese.

 

Here are a couple of links to women who are size 16:

Plus-size flattering stylist outfits

What does a size 16 look like in 10 different brands

 

If you're going for women who are not obese or overweight, then you're going for a small subsection of the population, and competition there is fierce. You seem to narrow things even further to only certain segments of the already small non-overweight population (e.g. fit and curvy), which begs the question: What do you think average means?

 

Miss Peach, when I did OLD, I ran into guys who would contact me even though I clearly didn't have very specific criteria that they were looking for...not on weight, but on other basics. It's a common experience. I don't think there is a right or wrong way to handle these guys. Personally, I chose to ignore them. My rationale: if they took the time to write about a very specific preference, then at some level it was pretty important to them. To me, the purpose of dating is to find a good match with great compatibility. So I passed. Do whatever seems or feels best for you.

Edited October 15, 2016 by angel.eyes

[LookAtThisPOst]

What exactly do you mean by average?

 

The median size for American women is currently a size 16, and once you account for vanity sizing, it's actually size 16-18. The 'average' US woman is a size 16, not 14, study finds - TODAY.com In other words, the average woman is clearly overweight. No shockers there as two-thirds of the American population (men and women) are overweight or obese.

 

Here are a couple of links to women who are size 16:

Plus-size flattering stylist outfits

What does a size 16 look like in 10 different brands

 

If you're going for women who are not obese or overweight, then you're going for a small subsection of the population, and competition there is fierce. You seem to narrow things even further to only certain segments of the already small non-overweight population (e.g. fit and curvy), which begs the question: What do you think average means?

 

Miss Peach, when I did OLD, I ran into guys who would contact me even though I clearly didn't have very specific criteria that they were looking for...not on weight, but on other basics. It's a common experience. I don't think there is a right or wrong way to handle these guys. Personally, I chose to ignore them. My rationale: if they took the time to write about a very specific preference, then at some level it was pretty important to them. To me, the purpose of dating is to find a good match with great compatibility. So I passed. Do whatever seems or feels best for you.

 

The thing is, and this makes sense, the reason why men are choosing "athletic/slim" is because there is a serious obesity epidemic in the US. "Average" is unfortunately, "Size 16" for women, and that's too big.

 

Sadly, even young, college-aged women are grotesquely overweight. It's sad seeing people THAT young look so Jabba-the-Hutt sized.

[GemmaUK]

No, "many men" don't put that as a deal breaker, just the ones you're looking at

 

In fact most men on dating sites aren't picky at all about a woman's body type. They'd be content if she wasn't obese because they rarely get any replies at all. You're just consistently looking at the 5-10% that can afford to be that shallow. Maybe lower your standards a little and reevaluate?

 

 

Oh dearie me!

The majority of men either state in their profiles or within a few mails something about weight/shape dress size.

 

I'm the same shape as Christina Hendricks too but a little slimmer - scaled down version and I'm just 5ft tall but even with pics online the questions always come.

What is the most amusing thing about it is that the guys asking are not in shape themselves unless 'round' or 'tummy overhanging your trousers' is 'in shape'? Is that the shape men try to achieve these days?

[HillValley]

Honestly they are probably just casting a wide net. Guys have a two track mind in lots of situations. What we think we deserve vs. what we can get.

 

I think it's part of the mentality that cheaters have. They aren't unhappy in the relationship but still cheat cause they think they deserve this person in the affair and the relationship is what they can get.

[Popsicle]

That's funny because I would get the reverse. I am tiny, slim/tight and I'd get men writing to me who would say things in their profile like "I like a woman with a figure like Christina Hendricks." I'd be wondering why they wrote to me too. Of course, when I ask them about it they do a lot of backpeddling and professing that they love all women. I think they are telling the truth in their profile of their ideal and hoping to get that. I want them to get it too and usually turn them down for that reason. I have no desire to be anyone's second choice or runner-up.

[JuneJulySeptember]

He didn't ask. His profile has many references he wants a body type different from mine. He even says he's tried but can't find himself attracted to women who aren't slim. So I'm curious why message me if I'm not that?

 

I've noticed many men put this as a deal breaker in their profiles. It seems shallow coming from a woman's perspective. I'm curious if I'm missing something coming from a man's perspective.

 

I looked at a bunch of men's profiles on Match.com real quick, maybe around 50, and I didn't see any guys mention a whiff of that.

 

What I did notice is that men in their preferences don't include stocky, or heavyset. So, they do prefer women on the 'non-heavy' side. Beyond not being obese, there seems to be no strong preference.

 

What I also noticed is that men rarely screen for race, maybe 2 out of 10 guys mentioned a race preference. For women, it was something like 7 or 8 out of 10. Take it for what you will...

Edited October 16, 2016 by JuneJulySeptember

[lolablue17]

I think that any man\woman who is looking for partners with this method, their chances to find happiness are mmm... zero. OK, almost zero, and if they do, it's despite the system, not because of it. EVERYTHING IS WRONG with that system.

 

How can you find happiness with this grocery list?

How can you find happiness if you decide to write back or not according to stupid unimportant things like "his initial message"? Are you sure that judging initial messages is the right way?

How can you tell if you're attracted to someone based on photos?

 

The number 1 problem is when you brainwash yourself to think that way, You are motivated by fears and prejudices, while loosing your humanity and compassion, which is necessary not only for a relationship, but also for ONS. (If you want to have sex with an actual human being, not with a sex doll).

 

If you're looking for a partner for tennis, you HAVE TO play tennis with them, to see if you're compatible. If you're looking for a partner for life, why would you loose all your human qualities while while checking compliance? It will only bring you misery.

 

If you bring to the process coldness, prejudices, and an attitude of a merchant , that is exactly what you will get. If you're looking for a great human being, a great person, an attractive partner, If you wish for a partner who is fun to be with, you need to to bring these qualities of fun, joy and compassion to the process from the beginning.

 

Some will say that it's not effective and may cause a waist of time. Of course, but the "effective way" doesn't yield great results, if at all. And it's surely no fun.

Edited October 17, 2016 by lolablue17

[Miss Peach]

FWIW these are men messaging ME. I've been writing them off but I was wounding if it was the right thing if everything else matched pretty well.

 

Honestly they are probably just casting a wide net. Guys have a two track mind in lots of situations. What we think we deserve vs. what we can get.

 

I think it's part of the mentality that cheaters have. They aren't unhappy in the relationship but still cheat cause they think they deserve this person in the affair and the relationship is what they can get.

 

I would have thought that too if I hadn't received really thoughtful initial messages that showed things we had in common, well thought out, etc. if it were a bunch of hi messages I wouldn't have even read them.

 

I looked at a bunch of men's profiles on Match.com real quick, maybe around 50, and I didn't see any guys mention a whiff of that.

 

What I did notice is that men in their preferences don't include stocky, or heavyset. So, they do prefer women on the 'non-heavy' side. Beyond not being obese, there seems to be no strong preference.

 

What I also noticed is that men rarely screen for race, maybe 2 out of 10 guys mentioned a race preference. For women, it was something like 7 or 8 out of 10. Take it for what you will...

 

This is a question that is asked a number of ways on OK Cupid. Match doesn't have that level of information in their profiles unless someone specifically writes it.

 

OK Cupid's blog actually did an analysis of their data and found that most users had lower contact with certain races.mi always get in trouble with mods posting links on here but it should be pretty easy to find.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I would have thought that too if I hadn't received really thoughtful initial messages that showed things we had in common, well thought out, etc. if it were a bunch of hi messages I wouldn't have even read them.

 

Funny thing is, my message are well thought out and crafted to the specific individual...but yet, nada...no response.

 

Usually the guys complaining about the non-responses they get are usually the guys that say, "Hi" or "What's up" in an initial email, but it's moot no matter how you do it. They just look at the pictures and basic stats pretty much...thumbing through it like a catalog. "Nope, nope, nope nope nope nope...yes...nope...nope nope...."

[Miss Peach]

Funny thing is, my message are well thought out and crafted to the specific individual...but yet, nada...no response.

 

Usually the guys complaining about the non-responses they get are usually the guys that say, "Hi" or "What's up" in an initial email, but it's moot no matter how you do it. They just look at the pictures and basic stats pretty much...thumbing through it like a catalog. "Nope, nope, nope nope nope nope...yes...nope...nope nope...."

 

The hi and copy/paste ones I always ignore but I do respond back to the ones where it was apparent they read my profile even if it's a 'Thanks byt it's not a match" type of message. Usually for me, it's something in the questions section that is a deal breaker to me.

[LookAtThisPOst]

The hi and copy/paste ones I always ignore but I do respond back to the ones where it was apparent they read my profile even if it's a 'Thanks byt it's not a match" type of message. Usually for me, it's something in the questions section that is a deal breaker to me.

 

I don't put much stock in those questions, and besides, some of them are quite intrusive....and some, the answers are moreso , "It depends on the situation".

[confusedgirlfriend11]

I've had this too previously when using online dating!

 

 

I think sometimes they just get side tracked by the picture hence why they message. And other times, they just don't know what they want!

 

 

I used to write in my profile the type of guy I am usually attracted to and yet I'd receive messages from various people.

 

 

I think it's often a numbers game with online dating.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I've had this too previously when using online dating!

 

 

I think sometimes they just get side tracked by the picture hence why they message. And other times, they just don't know what they want!

 

 

I used to write in my profile the type of guy I am usually attracted to and yet I'd receive messages from various people.

 

 

I think it's often a numbers game with online dating.

 

For a time, I used to pay attention to what women wrote in their profiles. You'd be surprised how I'd get a little excited when I'd see a woman that would share my exact same views online, share the same obscure, pop-culture interests, etc. Email them only to get ignored.

 

So you figure why even bother paying attention to see if they look like proper matches, if they take one gander at your profile and go, 'Nope, too short!" it's game over for ya.

 

They won't respond even though they should know that we are properly matched in every way.

 

That being said, men start just shotgun emailing women, and just throwing out numerous emails...they gave up crafting individual emails after so many non-responses.

[JuneJulySeptember]

For a time, I used to pay attention to what women wrote in their profiles. You'd be surprised how I'd get a little excited when I'd see a woman that would share my exact same views online, share the same obscure, pop-culture interests, etc. Email them only to get ignored.

 

 

Same experience here.

 

I've come to realize that common interests is not the most important thing in dating, but still ... you think it'd be worth SOMETHING.

[Miss Peach]

For a time, I used to pay attention to what women wrote in their profiles. You'd be surprised how I'd get a little excited when I'd see a woman that would share my exact same views online, share the same obscure, pop-culture interests, etc. Email them only to get ignored.

 

So you figure why even bother paying attention to see if they look like proper matches, if they take one gander at your profile and go, 'Nope, too short!" it's game over for ya.

 

They won't respond even though they should know that we are properly matched in every way.

 

That being said, men start just shotgun emailing women, and just throwing out numerous emails...they gave up crafting individual emails after so many non-responses.

 

How well does the shot gun approach work for you? I know as a woman it gives me nothing to work with and no interest to make time to meet a guy.

 

The other thing that seems to happen is a lot of these men don't want to wait a few days to meet you. They seem to expect it instantly or think you'll get pulled off the market if they don't mark their territory (with a few hours at a coffee shop).

 

I've had this too previously when using online dating!

 

 

I think sometimes they just get side tracked by the picture hence why they message. And other times, they just don't know what they want!

 

 

I used to write in my profile the type of guy I am usually attracted to and yet I'd receive messages from various people.

 

 

I think it's often a numbers game with online dating.

 

Yes. I get probably about 30% of my messages commenting on my picture. I noticed they don't read it at all too because I have in there things like I'm only dating locally yet I still get messages from guys in different states and countries.

[LookAtThisPOst]

The other thing that seems to happen is a lot of these men don't want to wait a few days to meet you.

 

Few days or few emails? A lot of dating tips given say the sooner the meet, the better. I've even seen women say in their online dating profiles , "I'm not looking for a pen-pal." Those are worth pursuing.

[Miss Peach]

Few days or few emails? A lot of dating tips given say the sooner the meet, the better. I've even seen women say in their online dating profiles , "I'm not looking for a pen-pal." Those are worth pursuing.

 

I've had probably 20% of them with very little or nothing in their profiles try to meet after a Hi or How are you type message. I literally know nothing about this person. I have no idea what they were attracted to from my profile (other than pics).

 

I am all for getting things into the real world quickly. But I don't see why I would pick these guys to spend my free time on over the guys who actually seem to show some sense of care.

 

I could understand a few calls, some really details messages, etc. But I literally have no idea other than a pic. Women just don't work the same way as men do here.