Everything is so vague.

[Stillwaiting213]

Hey everyone. Im a 25 year old guy and i work in the medical field. I have not been in a relationship before, probably because i've been so caught up with my studies and work previously. About half a year ago, I started using apps like tinder, coffee meets bagel because I feel like it's time to find a girlfriend. I have to say Im a bit jealous of all the other couples on the street, when here I am having difficulty even finding someone. My post maybe a bit long but i would appreciate if you read till the end because I would like to see how you guys/girls think about it.

 

Im a shy guy, a bit introverted. but when i talk with someone else, I'm fine, as in there wouldnt be a lot of awkward periods of quietness. Using these online dating apps for half a year, of course i would have dated quite a few girls. I scared the first girl away, mainly because i was quite desperate at the time. All good. learn from your mistakes right.

 

The more I meet up with different ppl and hanging out, the better i get with talking and being myself and having more confidence since im naturally shy. But the thing is: I feel like this is just an endless loop of loneliness and a waste of time. Sure ppl would say it's nice to know a few more friends, but I feel it's extremely difficult to transition to the girlfriend stage or if there was even any transition to begin with.

 

Most of the time I initiate conversations on the apps. I feel like if a girl is interested in me, she would talk first from time to time. It's like Im the only one who's even attempting to make an effort. Does that mean they have no interest in me ? The answer is so vague cuz they still respond to me and they are happy to come out on a date.

 

From my perspective I dont see any future at all with any of the girls cuz I feel like if I attempt to move a step forward, after all my efforts of daily conversations and dating, she'll come up with something like 'I treat you as a good friend', you're not my type...etc. But if I dont make a move at all, she may have been waiting for me to say it. So all this confusion is driving me crazy.

 

The more I think about love and relationship, I feel like you can make this a degree at the university since it's so complex. A lot of ppl like to say 'what's yours will be yours. have patience'. yea right. Does that mean if i dont do anything at all and let nature take its course, I'll find the girl of my dreams ? Sounds easy.

 

I just dont get how easy it seems for other ppl to get into relationships.Some ppl also told me that this is a 'active and passive game'. As in I should try to engage in conversations with the girl from time to time, but at the same time dont go overboard and let her initiate something else in return. Bunch of crap again.

 

Even though I havent really tried it because I always talk to the girls im interested on a daily basis, I feel like if i dont find her for a few days, she aint even gonna text me back or sth like that. Yea we're just friends. My biggest question is how to make their transition ? Should I make a move or not ? How am i able to read these vague expressions ? I mean if she's not interested it should be quite obvious already.

 

I just dont get it. I cant read their minds. And take this girl for an example. I've known her for a week on the app and today I dated her for lunch. We had a good talk. I've been trying to talk with her on a daily basis. So tell me, when would be a good time to date her again ? Cuz previously, when i was quite desperate, i was asking this girl out the next week after we just met. And she thought it was too fast and begin questioning me and thinks Im weird. So when would it be a good time to date her again ?

 

Like this is a stupid question to me cuz if the girl is interested, it wouldnt even take long for her to want to see me again. But then again, it's all so vague. And how many times should I have dated her in order to make the 'move' if you know what i mean ?

 

Its like the question is : how to let her know you're interested but at the same time not to be an annoying prick ? once again this is another stupid question cuz if i'm dating her, it's obvious that im interested right ? Oh god. I would really appreciate feedback from anyone with experience. There's no formula into any of this relationship stuff. And im just afraid of the rejection after all that effort.

 

I dont know anymore man. And the following question is just for the boys: I know it's understandable to start out as friends because both sides need to get to know each other first, but I feel like I dont even give myself time to know her. Im just solely attracted on beauty and immediately I say to myself that this is the one I'm looking for. I realize the girl is getting to know me but I aint even getting to know her. Has this happened to anyone before ?

Edited September 21, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Added paragraphs ~6

[SoulCat]

Start by using paragraphs.

People will be more inclined to read your entire post.

The solid block of text is extremely off-putting.

[normal person]

Im a shy guy, a bit introverted.

 

I know I'm inviting the wrath of at least a dozen people upon me with this, but you shouldn't be shy at age 25. Shyness is a fear of and insecurity around other people. Fear and insecurity are the opposite of confidence. And confidence is attractive. Shyness is just not a good look for a grown man.

 

Most of the time I initiate conversations on the apps. I feel like if a girl is interested in me, she would talk first from time to time. It's like Im the only one who's even attempting to make an effort. Does that mean they have no interest in me ? The answer is so vague cuz they still respond to me and they are happy to come out on a date.

 

From my perspective I dont see any future at all with any of the girls cuz I feel like if I attempt to move a step forward, after all my efforts of daily conversations and dating, she'll come up with something like 'I treat you as a good friend', you're not my type...etc. But if I dont make a move at all, she may have been waiting for me to say it. So all this confusion is driving me crazy.

 

If they had no interest, they wouldn't respond or go out with you. But if they were really interested, they'd message you first a bit.

 

We just have vague details but it sounds like you're not escalating or sexualizing these experiences. You're not creating any sexual tension. You're auditioning yourself as a romantic partner, not a friend. Taking someone out on a date is, in a way, like foreplay. So it's your time to move transition from "shy" and "nice" to a bit more sexual. You were enough of a gentlemen to secure the date, now you've got to introduce the romantic element to it. Tell her she looks nice. Tell her what you like about her. Touch her a little bit. She'll probably want to see at least little aggression from you.

 

 

Even though I havent really tried it because I always talk to the girls im interested on a daily basis, I feel like if i dont find her for a few days, she aint even gonna text me back or sth like that. Yea we're just friends. My biggest question is how to make their transition ? Should I make a move or not ? How am i able to read these vague expressions ? I mean if she's not interested it should be quite obvious already.

 

Just "talking" is just treading water. If that's all you're doing, eventually she's just going to get tired and drown. Depending one what you're talking about it might just be boring her to tears. If this is a girl you met on a dating ap, why aren't you asking her out? That's what the whole arrangement is predicated on. Throw her the life preserver already.

 

I just dont get it. I cant read their minds. And take this girl for an example. I've known her for a week on the app and today I dated her for lunch.

 

Don't take a girl to lunch or coffee. It's not sexy. It's precisely the thing you should be trying to avoid. As I said, dating is like foreplay. You could go to some crowded, packed place for lunch with you both in your work clothes and rush through it so you can get back to work on time, or you could go somewhere for dinner with the nice ambience, a few drinks, she gets to wear the sexy dress and she feels hot, and the night is wide open. Anything could happen. You don't get that with lunch, lunch is not sexy.

 

We had a good talk. I've been trying to talk with her on a daily basis. So tell me, when would be a good time to date her again ? Cuz previously, when i was quite desperate, i was asking this girl out the next week after we just met. And she thought it was too fast and begin questioning me and thinks Im weird. So when would it be a good time to date her again ?

 

You already took her out, she's probably wondering what's taking you so long to ask her out again. Ideally you should've texted her the day after you went out saying something like "that was fun, (reference to something you laughed about on the date). Let's do it again soon." Not just talk ambivalently for another week. Take action.

 

Like this is a stupid question to me cuz if the girl is interested, it wouldnt even take long for her to want to see me again. But then again, it's all so vague. And how many times should I have dated her in order to make the 'move' if you know what i mean ?

 

You're a man, she's probably waiting for you to ask her and wondering why the hell you keep talking to her without asking. She's probably starting to think you're indecisive, scared, not interested, ineffectual, etc. None of those are good things. If you get to go out with her again, and she seems receptive, kiss her then. Don't wait a month.

 

Its like the question is : how to let her know you're interested but at the same time not to be an annoying prick ? once again this is another stupid question cuz if i'm dating her, it's obvious that im interested right ? Oh god. I would really appreciate feedback from anyone with experience. There's no formula into any of this relationship stuff. And im just afraid of the rejection after all that effort.

 

Ask her out and keep going out with her with regularity until she gives you reason to stop. At this point, you're much more likely to shoot yourself in the foot by not taking action and being afraid of rejection than by "being annoying." If she wants to go out with you, she's waiting for you to ask her. You're being the annoying prick now by continuing to talk to her without asking her out again.

 

I dont know anymore man. And the following question is just for the boys: I know it's understandable to start out as friends because both sides need to get to know each other first, but I feel like I dont even give myself time to know her. Im just solely attracted on beauty and immediately I say to myself that this is the one I'm looking for. I realize the girl is getting to know me but I aint even getting to know her. Has this happened to anyone before ?

 

If you meet someone on a dating ap, you are definitely not starting out as friends, I don't know where you got this idea. People are on there for the sole purpose of finding romantic partners, not friends. You don't have to know everything about her before you make a definitive decision to continue seeing her. If you go out once and have fun, do it again. If you continue to have fun, keep doing it and adding a bit more sexuality into the mix each time until it's not fun anymore.

 

Best of luck.