Peek-a-Boo Interactions

[Wave Rider]

I've noticed this particular pattern sometimes when talking with women: the more interested I am, the less interested she becomes. And the less interested I act, the more interested she becomes. I call this the "peek-a-boo" interaction.

 

I'll start a conversation with a woman, and she'll seem interested and engaged. Then, as I show more interest in her, she starts to withdraw emotionally. Then I give up and decide she's not interested, so I withdraw somewhat, at which point she starts to act more interested. Then I respond by showing more interest, and she withdraws again. Then I withdraw, and she comes back. It goes back and forth in this cycle, over and over.

 

Can anyone tell me what's going on, and what I can do about it?

Edited July 20, 2016 by Wave Rider

[PegNosePete]

Are you talking about real life conversations or online or text message?

[Alamo657]

I've noticed this particular pattern sometimes when talking with women: the more interested I am, the less interested she becomes. And the less interested I act, the more interested she becomes. I call this the "peek-a-boo" interaction.

 

I'll start a conversation with a woman, and she'll seem interested and engaged. Then, as I show more interest in her, she starts to withdraw emotionally. Then I give up and decide she's not interested, so I withdraw somewhat, at which point she starts to act more interested. Then I respond by showing more interest, and she withdraws again. Then I withdraw, and she comes back. It goes back and forth in this cycle, over and over.

 

Can anyone tell me what's going on, and what I can do about it?

it means she likes talking with you, but not more.

[redbaron007]

I have got the same vibes in real life conversations. I think women want to be pursued to a certain extent, and we as men have to lead the interaction, like in a carefully choreographed dance. There are no hard-and-fast rules here.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Yeah, I've done this...when I was in high school!

[Chris2016]

Yeah, I've done this...when I was in high school!

 

Yeah OP, don't go after high school girls.

 

OP, I guess if it's too much, move on. They say it's supposed to be easy? It shouldn't be difficult. That you'll know?

[Wave Rider]

I have a plan for dealing with this problem. I'll just be super upfront, like shockingly upfront. That way she'll have to make a decision one way or the other.

[preraph]

She's sensing your desperation and desperation isn't attractive.

[redbaron007]

She's sensing your desperation and desperation isn't attractive.

 

There's some truth to this...she senses that you are "over-investing" in her, i.e. showing desperation, so withdraws, but next time you meet her, it's a new interaction and she's open to being wooed again.

[redbaron007]

Yeah, I've done this...when I was in high school!

 

 

 

I tend to agree, though I would not put them in the high-school category. In my recent personal experience, I notice this behavior in the 20-23 age group. I've seen this happening in instances where I encounter the woman infrequently (once a couple of months) and for short periods of time. For example: when A comes in for coffee during her break at the same Starbucks I work remotely from, or when B and I run into each other in the gym. To me, they are intelligent and sensible, but since there hasn't been enough time to build comfort and rapport, they are cautious in their interactions, stepping back when they sense I'm too "forward"...which by itself I find attractive. Of course, they could just be polite, say "nice seeing ya!" and walk away immediately, but some stay in the conversation, make strong eye contact, linger more than required just to be "friends", so I continue to engage them. Once I conclude I've conveyed enough information about myself for them to reasonably say yes/no, I'll ask them out. It just hasn't happened yet.