Anybody 30+ with no kids, single, and content with life?

[Journeyman1]

Anybody 30+ with no kids, single, and content with life? If not, do you feel you should force the issue of starting your own family?

 

I'd appreciate your feedback if you currently are, or have, experienced similar feelings or just have any thoughts, advice, or opinions.

 

You know the supposed "American Dream" (updated for modern times sake): Get married, have 2 or 3 kids, move to a nice place in the suburbs, post millions of pics on social media of you and your family out having a great time.

 

I'm a single 33 year old man with no kids. I think the aforementioned "dream" life would be nice, but I also realize that I dont necessarily need that to happen to be content with my life and that many of my desires for such stem from seeing so many others around me living that life.

 

I believe the older I become, the more I'll be able to accept the possiblity of the "dream" not happening. You know, if I get into my late 30s to mid 40s and nothing has changed, I believe I'll have a mindset like "OK, maybe I wont have the dream family from scratch of my own with my own kids, but perhaps I can find a woman my age just to fall in love with. Maybe she'll already have kids of her own that I could form a bond with, even if they're grown, and I would still have my own 'family' somewhat. Or maybe she'll just be single like me with no kids and we just have each other."

 

If none of that comes to be and I'm still living the same lifestyle as now (bar hopping, short lived flings), I believe I'll be more content with it than I am now, because at least by then I think I would have accepted that "it's not going to happen, it's too late" as opposed to the "I have a little more time" mentality that I have now.

 

That's just been on my mind lately and I have a host of questions.

 

Should I just let things flow naturally or at my age should I sort of push the issue? Were any of you at a similar point in life and now regret pushing or NOT pushing the issue? Anybody here in your 30s or 40s living the single life, perhaps with no kids? Are you happy or do yo have any regrets? Anybody else at this point in life?

 

Thanks.

[Alamo657]

Someone once told me that's what's important in life is to be surrounded by people who love you; this can be extended with "at the moment of your death".

 

Children are pretty much the only people who, bare any unfortunate accident, will be there for you until the very end.

[angel.eyes]

I'm not clear on why you're unhappy. Do you want a family for you? Or is it because you feel pressured by society to have a wife, kids, etc.

 

If you want it for you, what are you going to do differently moving forward? Obviously, bar hopping and short-term flings haven't gotten you there. What do you plan to do differently to achieve a different outcome?

[clia]

Having kids sounds like more of a nightmare to me than a dream.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Seriously, having kids sounds like a nightmare to me.

 

5 minutes inside mom's head

 

Why would anyone do this to themselves? Yet I am supposed to be the "not normal" one.

[Eternal Sunshine]

As for me:

 

I am probably overall happier with my life than I have ever been.

 

Unfortunately, the only thing that bothers me is that not a couple of days go by not to have someone mention that time is passing me by, that I need to hurry up before I am old and childless, that I need to push myself to marry anyone....or asking me what's wrong with me not to want those things. It's not even that hearing those things depresses me, it's more like I get very angry that I have to even answer that or to defend myself. I really hope that when I get over 40, I will not get those questions anymore. Those constant comments greatly added to my internal struggle with my choices. Lately though, they affect me less and less.

 

I am going to a friend's wedding soon. She is couple of years younger than me and I can honestly say that I feel zero envy. She found someone that she is settling for just to get married (even she admits that) and I feel nothing but pity for her. I actually feel sorry for many people trapped in unhappy marriages that stay there because that's what others expect of them. There is so, so much more to life.

 

Having said all that, I really do hope to find a partner that will make my life even better than it is right now. I have met couple of men in 2016 that I was genuinely excited about and felt a spark for. Things didn't work out but they made me realize how dreadful is pushing things with someone you are not that into just for the sake of being in a relationship. I would be happy sharing my life with someone that makes me happy without ever getting married.

[MGX]

I am! I'm 41 and single with no girlfriend or wife, no children and no pets. No real responsibilities except for bills and my job. I have the most freedom out of all my friends because of it.

[geckojohn]

I think you should appreciate the lifestyle and freedom that you have now.

[JstarTheCat]

I don't particularly care for the "at the moment of my death" part of the value of family. I have no interest in it, and I don't plan to be there long.

 

As for me, I'm not over 30 (I'll get there soon), but I have no kids and I like it that way. My partner is asexual, and I can have little relationships with whoever I want. I am as happy as happy can be.

 

Enjoy your freedom!

[GunslingerRoland]

People typically either want kids or they don't. There are many, many people who don't want kids and don't have kids. I don't know the stats but if you look at people from western raised families it's probably more than a third of people.

 

 

I have no doubt about their happiness without kids... but you are in a different situation. You want a wife and kids. I'm sure you can be happy in your life, but maybe never 100% fulfilled without that.

 

 

But people have kids well into their 40's now, and you can always find a woman younger than yourself. So don't give up yet.

[Els]

OP, I think you should live life, work on your career and enjoy hobbies and friends/family, while still being open to meeting compatible women and starting a family if you find such a woman. I mean, like Gunslinger says, different people feel differently about having kids, and if you want to have them (and can afford to support them), then you should try to do so if you can.

 

Children are pretty much the only people who, bare any unfortunate accident, will be there for you until the very end.

 

This is really not a guarantee - the vast majority of people dying alone in nursing homes had a partner and children at some point of their lives. If this is the SOLE reason you are choosing to have children, it might be very painful to realize that you spent 18+ years of your life for something that didn't materialize. You need to feel a desire to have children or have other reasons, for it to be worth it IMO.

[Toodaloo]

Yup.

 

I am older and have no children.

 

I sometimes get asked what is "wrong" with me. Truth is I don't think there is anything "wrong" with me I have just chosen to ensure that I do not bring children into the world unless I have complete trust in my partner. I haven't completely trusted any of them so why on earth would I bring children into a world where there is the possibility that they will have to be in the middle of a nasty break up... Not happening in my book.

 

I just haven't met that one person that I want to be with - thats all.

 

I am open to the possibility but at the same time I am fully aware that it may not happen so I carry on with life and get on with it.

 

There are other ways to make a difference - I don't have to reproduce to do that. I can teach and build and restore... So that is what I am doing while I look around for that special chap I have been searching for.

[Emilia]

Jesus, can't stand the suburbs that particular dream would find me swinging from the beams by my own hands. Can't imagine anything more boring.

[100rxr]

39 here, no kids, single......pretty happy with life at the moment, have my own place, car is paid off, just take care of my monthly bills. I got out of a bad relationship at the beginning of this year, although I miss the companionship, the less stress far outweighs everything. I am actively going out meeting new women when I can, wanting to put positive new faces in my life. I'm not looking at starting a family, I have heard and experienced good and bad with kids, ex had kids and that was an experience I can honestly say now that I am not ready for. I am very independent and would like to meet a female that is the same....

[neowulf]

37, never married, no children. 6 month relationship.

 

As I approach 40, I've been confronted with the reality that perhaps I've missed the boat.

 

I'm not willing to marry "just anyone" to force the issue of children, but at the same time, I wonder what the next 40 years will look like, on my own.

 

If my relationship history is anything to go by, nothing ever lasts. Sooner or later, all relationships seemed destined to end. Since turning 30, none of mine have managed to stick.

 

Part of me wonders if, having reached the end of my life, I'll deeply regret not having children. Impossible to know really, but it seems like such a huge part of existence that I'll never get to experience first hand. I've seen the unconditional love parents feel for their children. Sure, they can bring you a lot of heart ache, but if you raise them well, I'm hard pressed to find anyone who isn't deeply proud of their children.

 

Finally, I worry about leaving nothing behind. It's silly, but the idea that all my experiences, everything I've learnt will be lost makes me sad. True, children won't listen to everything you say, but I know I'm a reflection of the beliefs my parents instilled. I see them in me. Part of them will go on.

 

I think life is what you make of it. You can find meaning where you impart it. If a wife and children are something you want, then you have to grab life by the horns and try your best to make that happen. If not, that's fine too.

[ltjg45]

I am 29, turning 30 in 2 months, no kids, never entered a relationship.

 

Right now, the only reason why I am not happy with my current life is strictly because of my immediate family that just won't leave me alone. It's like their lives require me to be there in some way, shape, or form. I can't even get enough sleep without my mother waking me up to go to the nearby store.

 

Outside of that and coworkers trying to set me up with a prostitute (which I am completely against), I am content with my life, happy even. I would even have a reason to smile. Most women around me is not a match for me and I can accept it for what it is.

 

Perhaps I may find a suitable partner later on in life but I am certainly not counting on it. Until then, I will enjoy my single life and the freedom given to me as a result in the meantime.

[Standard-Fare]

I think regardless of what your true desires are for the long-term (even those you may not fully realize yet), it's never going to work to force them into some artificial timeline that societal pressures create.

 

Yes, it can disheartening and scary to see your peers moving forward with marriage, kids, family, home ownership, etc., and to feel "left behind" by all that. But once you take a deeper look at what's really going in these people's lives, you will see the struggles and doubts are there for everyone, regardless of their choices. There's no silver bullet to guarantee fulfillment.

 

Everyone moves at their own pace and adjusts their priorities accordingly. Don't rush it, don't force it, just go with the flow.

[LookAtThisPOst]

 

I am going to a friend's wedding soon. She is couple of years younger than me and I can honestly say that I feel zero envy. She found someone that she is settling for just to get married (even she admits that) and I feel nothing but pity for her.

 

You know for certain she'll be unhappy? She's told you this...personally? There's no talking her out of it?

 

Define "settling" from her point of view. What is it about him she doesn't like, but willing to marry him, willingly, regardless of her knowing she'll be in an unhappy marriage.

 

Think she'll be unhappy during her honeymoon, too? She'll lie there like a cold fish that evening with her new husband?

[Cherryz]

I dont think you should push it and go desperate looking for a girl and make her pregnant and marry. While maybe she is not even your soulmate but just someone you inlove with.

 

You can be at that age single no kids and happy. And just enjoying life and working towards that dream.

By doing things like:

-reading books about relationships/marriage

- how to raise kids

And all the other subjects that are important for a good healty life.

-know what you want, also how you want to raise your kids etc.

-be financially stable and make your dreams come true. once you have kids you wont be able to do alot of that.

 

And also do charity work.

When you enjoying life etc. that will also show on you and attract people.

Much more then if you are walking all needy looking for someone who is ready to do it all just because you see you getting older.

 

While you single, work on yourself prepare yourself, work on the issues and bad parts of your personality etc. childhood issues etc.

So you can be more effective once you enter the husband life and fatherhood.

 

Being single is not a moment to cry and complain.

And not everyone is ready at same time. Some will jump into it all anyway.

But you dont have to.

 

You can also socialize , go to places where your type of women would go.

And just socialize true activity's. And get to know people.

Socializing is much better then dating and feel the pressure to make it a romance etc.

By socializing you just get to know people and keep in touch and grow to

the rest of things if its your match.

[misspond]

It's entirely possible that the trick to all of this is just live your life and see what happens.

 

At 30 I had no children, wasn't married and was very happy with my life spending time with friends and family and working.

 

By 33 I had met a man, by 34 was living in a beautiful house with him that he had renovated, at 37 had our first child, second child by 41 and not long after my 43rd birthday I had moved out and taken the children with me because the relationship had broken down and was irreparable.

 

Don't tangle your brain up with things you don't need to. Live each day and enjoy what you do to the best of your ability.

[TheMets]

I assume you are a male, but society really could care less if you are married with kids. Men get younger as they age, can get younger women, can procreate until 80, can bang hookers. Women on the other hand aren't so lucky.

[RedBaron2765]

Back in 2000, I was 33, no girlfriend (hadn't had a date in around four years), good job, owned my own house, had money. Hung around a lot with a buddy of mine - played lots of softball and basketball, went to sporting events, weekend all night poker games. I had it made.

 

Well, that friend, who never had a girlfriend in the 8 or 9 years that I knew him at that time (I had one serious relationship that lasted around six months in the time that I knew him), met his wife, so I got scared and decided that I should try internet dating because I figured I'd be the odd man out.

 

Long story short, had some dates and ended up meeting my wife. 15 years later, even though I have two little kids that I adore, I miss the single days. I was perfectly content then - no money worries (wife seems to think we have a bottomless amount of money), no dealing with her family (parents are fine, siblings are a pain in the ass, especially one of them), no dealing with her moods. Our sex life is non-existent. She's very lazy.

 

Recently, I've often thought where I'd be if I was still single (I'm pushing 50 now). Probably be lonely to a degree (all of my friends are married), but I could do what I want, when I want. I was never a guy that dated much (didn't have my first real date with a woman until my mid-20's, and my first relationship until I was 28). Have to say that I miss being single.

[edgygirl]

My former best friend just did the same. It's not that I am happy or unhappy for her... I feel pity. I prefer to be alone than settle with someone who doesn't amuse me. I kind of faded on her as I find her new guy one of the most boring people I know and don't want to hang out with the couple. Oh she also got pregnant although her usual discourse up to a year ago was she was not interested in having children...

 

I am going to a friend's wedding soon. She is couple of years younger than me and I can honestly say that I feel zero envy. She found someone that she is settling for just to get married (even she admits that) and I feel nothing but pity for her. I actually feel sorry for many people trapped in unhappy marriages that stay there because that's what others expect of them. There is so, so much more to life.

[edgygirl]

I can do all that if I choose to. My eggs are frozen. Meh

 

I assume you are a male, but society really could care less if you are married with kids. Men get younger as they age, can get younger women, can procreate until 80, can bang hookers. Women on the other hand aren't so lucky.