ZA Dater Posted May 25, 2016 Share Posted May 25, 2016 Sure, I guess I could google it but in the opinion of members here, what exactly is flirting and how do you tell if someone is flirting with you. Obviously its a vital tool in the search to charm someone and somehow hope they like you but really how is it different to just being friendly. Laugh at me at your leisure. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 25, 2016 Share Posted May 25, 2016 Presuming you're straight, it's any type of 'friendly' behavior you wouldn't exhibit with another guy, or your mother. Heh. If you want a more step by step guide to the PC version, watch the scripted flirtation in old romance movies; I'm partial to old (40's) Cary Grant stuff. He was a master of scripted flirtation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted May 25, 2016 Author Share Posted May 25, 2016 Presuming you're straight, it's any type of 'friendly' behavior you wouldn't exhibit with another guy, or your mother. Heh. If you want a more step by step guide to the PC version, watch the scripted flirtation in old romance movies; I'm partial to old (40's) Cary Grant stuff. He was a master of scripted flirtation. Straight and male. At least I know based on the above I haven't been flirted with haha. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 25, 2016 Share Posted May 25, 2016 If you're interested in the reverse, perceiving flirtation, what I usually do is analyze the lady's behavior with other guys. If she's universally friendly and touchy and engaging, then that's her style of interacting with men. If it appears one is singled out, that trends more to flirtation. You can get a lot of education in this from MW's since IME a lot of them flirt, safely, for fun. It's educational to experience them switch from friendly behavior to flirting. It's pretty obvious when the interaction becomes more sexually charged. Then it switches back. IMO, you'll likely gain more experience with this if not focusing on dating and mating and rather interacting with women in general and without any expectations and enjoying moment to moment contact for whatever it is. You'll also get flirted with more and it will become less important in the milieu of relations. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 25, 2016 Share Posted May 25, 2016 Body language, flashes of the eyes, full eye contact, looking down in a bashful way, sideways glances, flicks of the hair, leaning inwards, knowing smiles, big grins, laughing a lot, and small touches, with jokes, fake sarcasm, witty replies, innuendo, suggestive remarks and double entendre. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
redbaron007 Posted May 26, 2016 Share Posted May 26, 2016 Sure, I guess I could google it but in the opinion of members here, what exactly is flirting and how do you tell if someone is flirting with you. Obviously its a vital tool in the search to charm someone and somehow hope they like you but really how is it different to just being friendly. Laugh at me at your leisure. Friendly banter with a woman is anything from a neutral situational comment "Yeah...can you believe this is the Express 10 item or less line?" or "It's chilly like a freezer in here" or "this elevator reminds me of a NY subway train"....to a personal yet polite "so where do you work/live/hangout"... Flirting is more bold and targeted towards the specific woman, as in "you're incredibly fit, what's your secret?" or "you have a lovely complexion..let me see what's in your shopping cart" or "I can tell you do something in the arts!"....or (if you have met the woman before)..."I don't like you anymore, you cut your hair!"...so it's a lot more personal. What I like most about flirting is that it is very polarizing. Women instantly realize your intentions are romantic, and either will stay, smile, maintain strong eye contact and talk to you (so you flirt more!) or will say "Thanks...", avert their gaze and walk off. Personally, I feel very good about myself in either case because I have shown myself to be genuine, direct and fun without caring about the outcome. A funny story that happened a few days ago may illustrate flirting: I was shopping at Whole Foods when I saw a lovely tall young woman in the aisles. I approached her and said "You look like Claudia Schiffer the super-model." (direct, bold). She smiled and said: "I don't know who that is but thank you." (did not walk away, maintained eye contact). Then I said:"You're really tall. Are you a basketball/volleyball player". She laughed and shook her head. I continued the flirty banter:"You must be a fitness trainer then?"....the interaction went along fabulously, with us both enjoying the tease, like a dance. So I finally said:"If you're not seeing someone we should grab a drink." At which point she said:"I'm actually married". I said:"But you're not wearing a ring!" She said:"That's because I'm a cheesemaker and we're not allowed to (at work)". Now that I knew she was married, I wanted to end the interaction on a playful note, so I made a complimentary yet less flirty comment saying:"Your husband is the luckiest guy in the world!"...she laughed and said:"I'll tell him that today!"....but I was unprepared for what she said next. She said:"So if I were wearing a ring, would you not have talked to me?" I laughed and lied:"I would talk to you, except I would not have asked you out in the end." (in reality I never approach women with a ring on their finger)... Anyway hope this little personal example illustrates what flirting is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 26, 2016 Share Posted May 26, 2016 Body language, flashes of the eyes, full eye contact, looking down in a bashful way, sideways glances, flicks of the hair, leaning inwards, knowing smiles, big grins, laughing a lot, and small touches, with jokes, fake sarcasm, witty replies, innuendo, suggestive remarks and double entendre. Whoa - this is an epic summary. Either that or you were watching me back in the day 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recon33 Posted May 26, 2016 Share Posted May 26, 2016 In my few experiences with flirting a lot of it was giving each other a hard time in a playful manner and the way she smiled at me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted May 26, 2016 Share Posted May 26, 2016 I was in a coffee shop today and usually have a friendly comment or two shared with a MUCH younger guy who works there. I hadn't been for a while and he has grown a beard in the meantime. He told me he knew it had put some years on him but he didn't mind and he was smiling because clearly it was about him wanting to lose his baby-face as girls like an older look. So I joked back about that and how he was hoping to project some maturity. We both laughed. It's basically friendly and positive chit-chat with sometimes light sometimes heavy sexual undertones. Depending on venue (coffee shop vs a bar late at night) and intimacy. Link to post Share on other sites
JustGettingBy Posted May 27, 2016 Share Posted May 27, 2016 Body language, flashes of the eyes, full eye contact, looking down in a bashful way, sideways glances, flicks of the hair, leaning inwards, knowing smiles, big grins, laughing a lot, and small touches, with jokes, fake sarcasm, witty replies, innuendo, suggestive remarks and double entendre. Also winking. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MGX Posted June 4, 2016 Share Posted June 4, 2016 Sure, I guess I could google it but in the opinion of members here, what exactly is flirting and how do you tell if someone is flirting with you. Obviously its a vital tool in the search to charm someone and somehow hope they like you but really how is it different to just being friendly. Laugh at me at your leisure. Alot of guys can't tell the difference between flirting and being friendly. Dudes don't do subtle nuances and will assume that women are just really friendly and sociable. The screwed up thing is if you THINK you know the flirting signs and the woman is simply being friendly. Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted June 6, 2016 Share Posted June 6, 2016 Generally, its sort of like making fun of the person in a playful way, that's what it seems like if you are a guy flirting with a girl, teasing her in a playful way 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 6, 2016 Share Posted June 6, 2016 Also winking. I've never really been a winker, or a fan of the wink... But yes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted June 6, 2016 Author Share Posted June 6, 2016 I'll give some of this a try tomorrow.... Link to post Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember Posted June 6, 2016 Share Posted June 6, 2016 (edited) Obviously its a vital tool in the search to charm someone and somehow hope they like you but really how is it different to just being friendly. Laugh at me at your leisure. It's not vital. I never flirted with any of the women I've ended up in a relationship with or vice versa. Not before. After we are together, then we do. If I were to sit down with a beer, I could tell everybody here stories of signals women have given me and everybody would be like "Yea, you she definitely wants you." and I've been wrong almost every single time. And lots of men are in the same boat with us. We're talking about winking, little fingers in mouths, shoving their ta-tas in my face and worse. It's kinda bad, but there's a number of women who just do that. They are naturally flirty with their movements, and giggles and touching. If you were to talk to them in confidence, they've probably had to turn down dozens upon dozens of guys who mistakenly thought they were interested. Edited June 6, 2016 by JuneJulySeptember Link to post Share on other sites
NVO Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 The almighty internet mostly comes up with answers like eye-contact and smiling a lot. But I do this anyway. It's just the way I communicate with people. So I propably don't have a clue what I'm doing haha. Also the other day a friend of mine, his girlfriend and me were at a party. I was just messing around and making fun with her when she jokingly told her boyfriend I was definetly flirting with her. To this day I still don't have a clue what I may have done. Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 Friendly banter with a woman is anything from a neutral situational comment "Yeah...can you believe this is the Express 10 item or less line?" or "It's chilly like a freezer in here" or "this elevator reminds me of a NY subway train"....to a personal yet polite "so where do you work/live/hangout"... Flirting is more bold and targeted towards the specific woman, as in "you're incredibly fit, what's your secret?" or "you have a lovely complexion..let me see what's in your shopping cart" or "I can tell you do something in the arts!"....or (if you have met the woman before)..."I don't like you anymore, you cut your hair!"...so it's a lot more personal. What I like most about flirting is that it is very polarizing. Women instantly realize your intentions are romantic, and either will stay, smile, maintain strong eye contact and talk to you (so you flirt more!) or will say "Thanks...", avert their gaze and walk off. Personally, I feel very good about myself in either case because I have shown myself to be genuine, direct and fun without caring about the outcome. A funny story that happened a few days ago may illustrate flirting: I was shopping at Whole Foods when I saw a lovely tall young woman in the aisles. I approached her and said "You look like Claudia Schiffer the super-model." (direct, bold). She smiled and said: "I don't know who that is but thank you." (did not walk away, maintained eye contact). Then I said:"You're really tall. Are you a basketball/volleyball player". She laughed and shook her head. I continued the flirty banter:"You must be a fitness trainer then?"....the interaction went along fabulously, with us both enjoying the tease, like a dance. So I finally said:"If you're not seeing someone we should grab a drink." At which point she said:"I'm actually married". I said:"But you're not wearing a ring!" She said:"That's because I'm a cheesemaker and we're not allowed to (at work)". Now that I knew she was married, I wanted to end the interaction on a playful note, so I made a complimentary yet less flirty comment saying:"Your husband is the luckiest guy in the world!"...she laughed and said:"I'll tell him that today!"....but I was unprepared for what she said next. She said:"So if I were wearing a ring, would you not have talked to me?" I laughed and lied:"I would talk to you, except I would not have asked you out in the end." (in reality I never approach women with a ring on their finger)... Anyway hope this little personal example illustrates what flirting is. Quoting to emphasize that everyone has a different style. I would personally be annoyed by this kind of flirting. It's too direct and obvious. Claudia Schiffer? Fitness trainer? Eye roll; oh please. I prefer something much more subtle and playful. This would set off the alarm bell that the man was looking to get laid by laying on the flattery pretty thick. Especially if I was a professional cheese maker. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PrettyEmily77 Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 I'm a straight woman, I'm not single and I 'flirt' all the time, pretty much with anyone. I have found most men to be pretty chilled out and a lot more receptive than women - or at least than I have ever been myself when approached. I don't care about the end result as I'm already attached and state as much when warranted, and most guys can see and accept it for what it is; no agenda, no expectation, no drama, no exchanges of phones, no date, etc. It's really just a fun way to start a conversation and get to know someone - a well-timed smile and a sustained look straight in the eye usually does the trick; light, playful chit-chat about pretty much anything sometimes follows, but not always. I'd recommend it to anyone: it's a great mood-lifter for everyone involved, especially when it works (also not always...). Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted June 7, 2016 Author Share Posted June 7, 2016 I'm a straight woman, I'm not single and I 'flirt' all the time, pretty much with anyone. I have found most men to be pretty chilled out and a lot more receptive than women - or at least than I have ever been myself when approached. I don't care about the end result as I'm already attached and state as much when warranted, and most guys can see and accept it for what it is; no agenda, no expectation, no drama, no exchanges of phones, no date, etc. It's really just a fun way to start a conversation and get to know someone - a well-timed smile and a sustained look straight in the eye usually does the trick; light, playful chit-chat about pretty much anything sometimes follows, but not always. I'd recommend it to anyone: it's a great mood-lifter for everyone involved, especially when it works (also not always...). I am going to give it a try today, my difficulty with it usually is I overthink too much. I'll report back in 2 hours how it went hahaha. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted June 7, 2016 Author Share Posted June 7, 2016 Well that went really well. Lots of banter between us. Her: Well I have really worked hard on this webpage but the guy doesn't want to give me credit Me: Well I am sure I can sort that out, I can be quite persuasive. Her: smile lots of eye contact. Her: I have been working on my photographic techniques so I can look good at the club event Me: You don't need to work too hard, you always look fantastic. Her: This was so easy and nice (we were taking pictures for a website), I am sure I will see you at the next club event or before then. Everyone knows my story here but I am actually quite happy with myself, I wasn't shy, I wasn't awkward, there was lots of eye contact and she seemed really at ease around me as I was around her. How I interpret the above I don't really know but I can say this we communicate almost everyday, there is a lot of overlap in the things we do and maybe I managed to flirt....just maybe. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
GravityMan Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 Keep in mind that just because a woman is flirting with you doesn't necessarily mean that she is romantically interested in you. Many women and even some guys will flirt just because it's fun and gets people to loosen up (i.e. an icebreaker). Very similar to teasing. And in many cases the "flirtee" intuitively understands that it's just a fun way to pass the time and will naturally roll along with it with their own banter. It's when the "flirtee" doesn't get it and makes the incorrect assumption that things may get awkward or uncomfortable. A number of the aforementioned women and men are in long-term relationships and their partner knows about their SO's flirting yet is secure enough with himself and the relationship to not be bothered by the flirting. (And some of them are able to tell the difference between innocent flirting and actual interest.) For many people, conversation in general tends to be much more free-flowing and enjoyable when it's less direct, not too literal, and has the occasional innuendo, humor, nuance, inside joke, double entendre, wit, etc...and everyone in the group intuitively gets it and is able to poke fun at themselves and not be overly sensitive. Alot of guys can't tell the difference between flirting and being friendly. Dudes don't do subtle nuances and will assume that women are just really friendly and sociable. The screwed up thing is if you THINK you know the flirting signs and the woman is simply being friendly. That may be true for many guys in their teens and early 20s...they're just starting out after all and have a lot to learn about how the real world works. But I think that the vast majority of adult guys CAN tell the difference between flirting and friendly banter very easily. (The ones that struggle tend to be the ones that are socially awkward in general and not do well on the dating scene.) It's not that hard, even taking into account different flirting styles. Most guys can understand and pick up on subtlety and nuances just fine...in fact I think that's a vital social skill to have. It's just that many guys would rather prefer less subtlety and more direct, "get to the point" communication. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PrettyEmily77 Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 I am actually quite happy with myself, I wasn't shy, I wasn't awkward, there was lots of eye contact and she seemed really at ease around me as I was around her. That's the most important bit. Have fun with her, on or before the next club event Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted June 10, 2016 Share Posted June 10, 2016 ya something must go wrong in a guys childhood, parental upbringing, that really hinders his ability to learn how to flirt early on in life Link to post Share on other sites
redbaron007 Posted June 10, 2016 Share Posted June 10, 2016 ... I wasn't awkward, there was lots of eye contact and she seemed really at ease around me as I was around her. How I interpret the above I don't really know but I can say this we communicate almost everyday, there is a lot of overlap in the things we do and maybe I managed to flirt....just maybe. All green lights that indicate basic comfort has been established, you have clearly signaled your interest so take the interaction forward...i.e., ask her out. You may be tempted to get back to your comfort zone and keep the conversation less flirty but try and keep it flirty next time you meet her, and ask her out. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted June 10, 2016 Author Share Posted June 10, 2016 All green lights that indicate basic comfort has been established, you have clearly signaled your interest so take the interaction forward...i.e., ask her out. You may be tempted to get back to your comfort zone and keep the conversation less flirty but try and keep it flirty next time you meet her, and ask her out. Good luck! She has a bf... I'll definitely try keep the conversation flirty. I don't want to mess this up by being over eager. Link to post Share on other sites
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