Struggle to find people

[Beren]

Hello all.

 

I haven't been here for a while.

 

I met this girl on the weekend, and it was well... surreal. We seemed to have this amazing connection. Some random person even commented on it. It was crazy! I definitely wanted to see her again. And she seemed the same. Anyway fast forward 5 days later and she seems very disinterested. Which is surprising as her first message was quite lovely as well... but that's life I suppose.

 

Anyway my point. I haven't really been that genuinely interested in someone like that for 2 years. It was another girl I met and we had this instant connection, that spark as the cliché goes. Anyway that didn't work out either. We remained friends for a year or so, and quite good friends, but then we went our separate ways about 6 months ago (a friendship break up you could say). It was rough. But once again... **** happens. Since then, and lately the last few months there's a been a couple of girls who have been interested in me. They seem nice enough. But I just don't feel the same about them. It bothers me. I'd like to be with someone. I think sometimes maybe I should show more interest in these other girls, get to know them more and see if that spark builds later. But at the same time I feel like I'd just be leading them on and screwing them over to a degree.

 

What to do? It would kind of suck to wait another 2 years for something like that to arise.

 

I don't know I this post makes any sense. Maybe it's more a vent than anything. Writing is always good therapy.

[Tayla]

Yes, writing out scenarios can be cathartic.

 

It's not finding, it's retaining.

 

Which is why the "nc" mantra that is conveyed on here sorta doesn't help some folks that are capable of resetting foundations and retaining a person as a friend or social buddy.

 

Would it help if you threw away the "time" schedule and instead focused on where you are currently with life?

 

I cringe at "time tables", it ultimately doesn't work. Perhaps because outside circumstances can change and hence, there goes that goal. Fact being, when opportunity knocks... Take a chance. You sound like a reasonable person.

[deckard11]

Forget about her and move on.

[Beren]

Yes, writing out scenarios can be cathartic.

 

It's not finding, it's retaining.

 

Which is why the "nc" mantra that is conveyed on here sorta doesn't help some folks that are capable of resetting foundations and retaining a person as a friend or social buddy.

 

Would it help if you threw away the "time" schedule and instead focused on where you are currently with life?

 

I cringe at "time tables", it ultimately doesn't work. Perhaps because outside circumstances can change and hence, there goes that goal. Fact being, when opportunity knocks... Take a chance. You sound like a reasonable person.

 

I wasn't sure what the NC mantra was, but after a quick search I'm assuming it's no contact. I agree in some situations you can retain someone as a friend, but in many it forms into one of those unequal relationships. Just have to be careful and set your limits.

 

I agree with the time tables. I'm not the type of person who says in three months time I want to be in a relationship or the like. Sure I'd like to meet someone, but I've always just thought it will just happen, I'm still young, plenty of time. I have friends that are never single. They always need to be in a relationship or seeing someone and when they're not they're not, they're not happy. I could never get into a relationship or the sake of it or force it. I guess what is bothering me is the scarcity of meeting someone I'd want that with. But I suppose there's nothing that can be done about that other than just living life, and putting yourself out there to meet new people.

[Beren]

Forget about her and move on.

 

 

Yeah I know. She just takes ages to reply. So I don't see anything happening. She is different though... different to anyone I've ever met. Don't see her sitting around FB waiting to reply. But yeah still not holding out much hope. Which I suppose was the more the point of my post. Finally met someone I like after 2 years yet it's seemingly not going to work again and who knows how long till it happens again.

 

But the writing definitely was therapy. I worked it out in the last post, nothing I can do other than keep going along and hopefully it will happen again and it will actually work out.

[sickoflove11]

Similar thing happened to me. After two years I finally found someone who made me feel something. Someone I finally felt attracted to and a connection with. Turns out he is just a tool and was probably playing games the whole time. Now I'm longing for that feeling again but not with him. I can't stop thinking about him, but I don't want it with him.

[redbaron007]

I think you get mentally "invested" too soon, leading to disappointment. I'm not saying it is unnatural, just that, based on my recent experience, meeting for the first time can very much result in a phone number, but there is no guarantee a call or text will be returned or any further contact will be encouraged. This can be due to a whole lot of reasons, speculating about which is a waste of time.

 

What would be useful is to control how much mental energy you spend thinking about a person. It should be proportionate to the quality and quantity of time spent with that person. If this is kept in balance, your frustration will disappear. You may be a little disappointed that the person does not reciprocate any more, but you won't feel frustrated. Just my 2 cents.

[Beren]

Similar thing happened to me. After two years I finally found someone who made me feel something. Someone I finally felt attracted to and a connection with. Turns out he is just a tool and was probably playing games the whole time. Now I'm longing for that feeling again but not with him. I can't stop thinking about him, but I don't want it with him.

 

I'm sorry to hear that. It's a shame when you come across people like that. I hope you find someone worthy of your affection soon I've noticed it seems to happen when you least expect it.

 

 

I think you get mentally "invested" too soon, leading to disappointment. I'm not saying it is unnatural, just that, based on my recent experience, meeting for the first time can very much result in a phone number, but there is no guarantee a call or text will be returned or any further contact will be encouraged. This can be due to a whole lot of reasons, speculating about which is a waste of time.

 

What would be useful is to control how much mental energy you spend thinking about a person. It should be proportionate to the quality and quantity of time spent with that person. If this is kept in balance, your frustration will disappear. You may be a little disappointed that the person does not reciprocate any more, but you won't feel frustrated. Just my 2 cents.

 

Yep, I definitely agree. I seem to have very little mental investment most of the time, but then when I do finally meet someone that ticks all the boxes so to speak, I probably have too much. Especially with this recent girl, as it really was a great experience meeting her. We made rough plans to do something on Sunday, but she bailed. But I kind of expected it and was doing something else anyway. So it wasn't too bad. I'm just going to take a step back and see what happens, not holding out much hope, so it shouldn't be too much of let down if that's the way it goes.