I have a crush on a TA in my class.

[E-Squared]

Should I pursue her or should I give it time, like when the semester ends? She sits right next to me and I try to a professional and friendly with her, but I also don't want to cross boundaries if she is there to do her job.

[janabanana]

I'd say go for it. I dated my TA last year. You're really not supposed to until after the class is over, but honestly, there is really no way for anyone to find out, if you are discreet about it.

 

The best way to do it is to meet them after class, one on one. That is what worked for me. Say you have a question about something, or just need help understanding something. Hopefully, the office you meet in will be private, just the two of you. Then act flirty with her. If she is interested she will be bound to show it after a few of these one on one sessions. It's safe there, she won't have to worry about anyone seeing. If, after 3-4 meetings, she doesn't express any interest, then I would back off and just forget about it.

 

Don't be shy, just try it. Like I said, it worked for me. When you have them alone, you can just focus on making a good impression, without worrying about getting them in trouble. The office setting is much more informal and laid back than the classroom. Use that to your advantage. It works. For example, I would go in wearing really sexy clothes - super short 'club' skirts, super short shorts, etc - things I could never have worn in the classroom. I even would come in wearing my PJs, as I lived close to his office. And of course after seeing me half naked a few times, you can imagine what happened. By the fourth meeting I officially had a new bf! The informal setting of his office is what made the difference, I could never have seduced him like that in the classroom.

 

Just go for it, OP. Get her in a more laid back environment, one you both can be more comfortable in, and then basically try to impress her the same as you would any other girl.

[E-Squared]

I'd say go for it. I dated my TA last year. You're really not supposed to until after the class is over, but honestly, there is really no way for anyone to find out, if you are discreet about it.

 

The best way to do it is to meet them after class, one on one. That is what worked for me. Say you have a question about something, or just need help understanding something. Hopefully, the office you meet in will be private, just the two of you. Then act flirty with her. If she is interested she will be bound to show it after a few of these one on one sessions. It's safe there, she won't have to worry about anyone seeing. If, after 3-4 meetings, she doesn't express any interest, then I would back off and just forget about it.

 

Don't be shy, just try it. Like I said, it worked for me. When you have them alone, you can just focus on making a good impression, without worrying about getting them in trouble. The office setting is much more informal and laid back than the classroom. Use that to your advantage. It works. For example, I would go in wearing really sexy clothes - super short 'club' skirts, super short shorts, etc - things I could never have worn in the classroom. I even would come in wearing my PJs, as I lived close to his office. And of course after seeing me half naked a few times, you can imagine what happened. By the fourth meeting I officially had a new bf! The informal setting of his office is what made the difference, I could never have seduced him like that in the classroom.

 

Just go for it, OP. Get her in a more laid back environment, one you both can be more comfortable in, and then basically try to impress her the same as you would any other girl.

She does not exactly have an office, because she is in the classroom when the professor is giving lecture. Like I said, she sits directly next to me. I have walked with her after class and talked with her, so I guess that is a start. There have also been times when I go in trying to look nice, wearing button-down shirts, combing my hair and sometimes even putting on cologne. Most of the time she just does her own work and helps other people with their work. That is all part of her job and I am usually respectful of that. We have casual small-talk usually, so it's not like she feels bothered by my presence or anything of that nature.

[deadelvis]

I did something like this (twice actually). I basically had sex with two different 19 year old girls when I was in my mid-late 20's and working for the university. It was really hot and it certainly fulfilled some kind of teacher/student fantasy for both parties involved, but I was terrified the whole time that I would get fired, expelled etc. It's a dangerous game. I waited till the semester was over to sleep with one of the girls but in the other situation I made her swear to secrecy, but I was still terrified of getting expelled.

 

In your situation, remember that the TA has a lot to lose. I'd wait till the end of the semester to make your move.

[janabanana]

She does not exactly have an office, because she is in the classroom when the professor is giving lecture. Like I said, she sits directly next to me. I have walked with her after class and talked with her, so I guess that is a start. There have also been times when I go in trying to look nice, wearing button-down shirts, combing my hair and sometimes even putting on cologne. Most of the time she just does her own work and helps other people with their work. That is all part of her job and I am usually respectful of that. We have casual small-talk usually, so it's not like she feels bothered by my presence or anything of that nature.

 

Yes, she is normally in the classroom, but they usually also have offices they can meet in and in which they do certain work. Just find a reason to meet with her privately, like you can't understand a certain lesson, or you would like extra help with a report. There are always offices for the professors, and the TAs use them too.

 

Dressing to impress is important, so it's good you are doing that. And more formal is better than informal, at least for a guy. Be careful with the cologne, however, too much can be a real turn off. Your looks are what will get her interested initially, and the first time you are alone with her will be the most important.

[E-Squared]

I did something like this (twice actually). I basically had sex with two different 19 year old girls when I was in my mid-late 20's and working for the university. It was really hot and it certainly fulfilled some kind of teacher/student fantasy for both parties involved, but I was terrified the whole time that I would get fired, expelled etc. It's a dangerous game. I waited till the semester was over to sleep with one of the girls but in the other situation I made her swear to secrecy, but I was still terrified of getting expelled.

 

In your situation, remember that the TA has a lot to lose. I'd wait till the end of the semester to make your move.

I will give it time. I don't want to feel unprofessional right now, especially because she sits right next to me.

[MissBee]

None of what you're saying indicates she likes you romantically.

 

I'm a TA currently and I cannot fathom doing this. People have and kept it on the low I guess, but during our training they made an entire session about not doing this. Also, while yes they're adults and all, as someone in position of power and as a grad student, I feel soooo much more mature and older than my undergrads. Yea, sure, some undergrads I see around campus are attractive but I see most of them as kids, even though I'm in my twenties too, so it's very possible, unless you have any reason to believe otherwise, that your TA doesn't think about you that way. So I'd personally not cross the line and have it be awkward if the feelings aren't even mutual.

[E-Squared]

None of what you're saying indicates she likes you romantically.

 

I'm a TA currently and I cannot fathom doing this. People have and kept it on the low I guess, but during our training they made an entire session about not doing this. Also, while yes they're adults and all, as someone in position of power and as a grad student, I feel soooo much more mature and older than my undergrads. Yea, sure, some undergrads I see around campus are attractive but I see most of them as kids, even though I'm in my twenties too, so it's very possible, unless you have any reason to believe otherwise, that your TA doesn't think about you that way. So I'd personally not cross the line and have it be awkward if the feelings aren't even mutual.

 

I know what you mean, which is why I am keeping things on a certain level. I am not even sure if she sees that I may like her, or maybe she does but I am not sure. However, I will say that I am actually close to the same age as she is. I may try something towards the end, or maybe I won't go for it. I don't want to cross lines here.

[RecentChange]

One of my good friends married her TA

 

To this day they claim they waited until the course ended - but I don't know....

 

Annnnnnd I slept with a TA.... But it was in the summer (again, after the course)

[E-Squared]

I get what you are saying with the part about me not implying that she is interested in me romantically. True, she may just be doing her job, but it's like I said: I am only making casual small-talk because she is just doing her job and because I sit right next to her, I don't want to do anything that would make her feel uncomfortable. I don't stare, I don't try to talk to her every time, among other things, because otherwise I would be on the end that I don't like of a complaint.

[Miss Peach]

I had a TA hit on me while the course was going. In my case we had a class off-campus and I ran into him and a few other students before the class and started chatting with everyone.

 

I second the idea to show up somewhere you think she might be outside of class if you want to gauge interest. In class she is probably going to be all business.

 

I also had someone who worked for my child's school hit on me but he waited until the last day of school. The next year he knew we was teaching at a different school. You may want to consider timing when you approach the TA.

[E-Squared]

I had a TA hit on me while the course was going. In my case we had a class off-campus and I ran into him and a few other students before the class and started chatting with everyone.

 

I second the idea to show up somewhere you think she might be outside of class if you want to gauge interest. In class she is probably going to be all business.

 

I also had someone who worked for my child's school hit on me but he waited until the last day of school. The next year he knew we was teaching at a different school. You may want to consider timing when you approach the TA.

 

It's like I also said before: I don't want be on the wrong end of a complaint. So I'll wait it out a bit.