When someone isn't open to doing anything else

[LookAtThisPOst]

I recall going on a date with a woman, real cute, a little older than me , mid-40s, knew her from Meetup...before she was an organizer.

 

We went out once, for drinks and dancing. I did have a nice time and we chatted a while walking her to her car, but turns out, the ONLY thing she's into is just seeing local bands at bars/restaurants...that's it.

 

I asked her if she likes going bowling with friends "No", Board Games? "No", hiking/kayaking or any outdoor related activity "No".

 

It was kind of awkward, as she wasn't even open to trying anything else, BUT what she's into...which is just hanging out at a bar watching live music and joining in dancing later.

 

I was guessing she wasn't much into getting her hands dirty, but, she does stay in shape with yoga.

 

But, here's my question, if you're dating shouldn't you be open to at least TRYING something new with your new dating prospect?

 

I know a lot of couples that took up the hobby their sig. other was into and even if they weren't' really "into it", they'd do it with them on occasion. Try it out.

 

I think that's the disadvantage of dating when you're older (she's in her mid 40s), you're too set in your ways and not open to much anything else. You get stuck in a pattern of doing your own thing so much that some may not be willing to do anything else?

 

Theories?

[Rejected Rosebud]

I think she didn't want to go out with you again.

[mrldii]

If it's NOT what Rosebud as suggested and it IS [her] truth, I don't know that I'd waste a lot of time on somebody who is a 'one-trick pony'.

 

As fun as dancing to live bands can be, there is a wholehelluvalot more to life than just one fun activity. Personally, I wouldn't waste any time trying to figure out how to *make* someone break out of their shell and enjoy all that life offers; I'd move on to the next person who has more than one way to enjoy their leisure time.

 

 

Good luck, OP...

[MissBee]

I recall going on a date with a woman, real cute, a little older than me , mid-40s, knew her from Meetup...before she was an organizer.

 

We went out once, for drinks and dancing. I did have a nice time and we chatted a while walking her to her car, but turns out, the ONLY thing she's into is just seeing local bands at bars/restaurants...that's it.

 

I asked her if she likes going bowling with friends "No", Board Games? "No", hiking/kayaking or any outdoor related activity "No".

 

It was kind of awkward, as she wasn't even open to trying anything else, BUT what she's into...which is just hanging out at a bar watching live music and joining in dancing later.

 

I was guessing she wasn't much into getting her hands dirty, but, she does stay in shape with yoga.

 

But, here's my question, if you're dating shouldn't you be open to at least TRYING something new with your new dating prospect?

 

I know a lot of couples that took up the hobby their sig. other was into and even if they weren't' really "into it", they'd do it with them on occasion. Try it out.

 

I think that's the disadvantage of dating when you're older (she's in her mid 40s), you're too set in your ways and not open to much anything else. You get stuck in a pattern of doing your own thing so much that some may not be willing to do anything else?

 

Theories?

 

This was one woman, I'm not sure you can use her to make the leap that this is a common thing among most people in their 40s. I think you should take some behaviors as individual and not try to use the example of one person to make a general claim about others. I'm sure lots of women in their 40s like to do more than one thing....many do...I'm sure this woman is not representative.

 

Some people are more open and some aren't, my rule of thumb in dating is: stick to people who are on my wavelength. That's all! I can't worry my head about why a man may or may not like XYZ, believe XYZ, won't eat this, won't go here, and if I think he should do something else. Maybe he should but that's not my hill to die on with him, so I just move it along to someone who is providing what I want.

 

Some people are very boring, have no hobbies, and don't do much and still end up married, have a relationship or date....so there is no rule. It's much more difficult (and kinda pointless) to worry about what folks OUGHT to do (which seems to be a popular query) and instead realize they will do whatever they want, and maybe it works for them, but if it doesn't suit you, you just have to let it be and move on to someone else whose behaviors work for you, as no matter what you think, they'll continue doing whatever it is anyway or will change only if they see it fit to change.

[newmoon]

it's similar to men (or women) who are extremely intelligent, but only about one topic. just one single topic. it could be that they only cultivated that one interest and don't explore much beyond it, or it could be that is the one true passion for them. most people enjoy some variety and it won't work for everyone, but for some it will. you can't change her, and it isn't age-specific, there are tons of younger men and women with singular interests as well. it's just who she is, and i don't think she'll morph into someone who wants to run all over doing different stuff if that isn't her personality or lifestyle.

[Rejected Rosebud]

This was one woman, I'm not sure you can use her to make the leap that this is a common thing among most people in their 40s.

ESPECIALLY since he just went out with her that one time. I will venture to guess that he has no actual idea of what her life looks like. :bunny:

[LookAtThisPOst]

it's similar to men (or women) who are extremely intelligent, but only about one topic. just one single topic. it could be that they only cultivated that one interest and don't explore much beyond it, or it could be that is the one true passion for them. most people enjoy some variety and it won't work for everyone, but for some it will. you can't change her, and it isn't age-specific, there are tons of younger men and women with singular interests as well. it's just who she is, and i don't think she'll morph into someone who wants to run all over doing different stuff if that isn't her personality or lifestyle.

 

MY point is, they should be open to diversification if they want a successful relationship.

 

Those that are in boring relationships may likely not be happy. I've known relationships to go towards a downward spiral when their boyfriend would do nothing but sit at home and watch sports all weekend when she was trying to get him out for a bike ride, kayaking, or just "out" in general.

 

There had been situations where I would run into people that would talk about how they've "Always wanted to do this activity", but when you give them an opportunity to do so, they go, "Naaaaah."

 

Common interests does help.

 

I think also, that people are into gender specific activities, like Dungeons and Dragons, aren't popular with many women. You take a guy who is into nothing but D&D, he's definitely likely not going to meet a woman into such a thing. If he does meet one, chances are she'll be spoken for. lol

 

There's even times where I thought I was into one too much of a singular activity, like Sci-Fi movies and reading comic books that I thought, "Hmm, not too many women are into this, I'll explore other activities that are 2ndary interests and combine them."

 

I know motorcycle riders that won't date ANYONE, unless they "ride". I had a woman reject me online, because I wasn't a horse enthusiast like she was. (She had a stable, couple of horses), apparently her b/f was refusing to get up at 4 am to do barn yard chores before work like she always had...so she ended it.

[Imajerk17]

Well, it could be one of two things:

 

(A) She wasn't interested. Someone who *is* interested and who has decent social skills will put in a decent effort to appear interesting and find things the two of you could have in common. That person will at least appear open to doing something they otherwise might not be doing (e.g., hiking) on their own. Someone who is NOT interested though, will often try to discourage interest back, by appearing boring and by appearing to have little in common.

 

(B) She really is that boring.

 

I'd say it's more likely to be (A). But (B) is a possibility too. Not every date that doesn't go well means you screwed up OP, people are often just not compatible.

 

Then again OP, you seem to be set in your ways too. I really think you'd meet more interesting women and BE more interesting yourself, by travelling much more, yes reconsider that idea that was vetoed in one of your previous threads

Edited October 4, 2015 by Imajerk17

[LookAtThisPOst]

Well, it could be one of two things:

 

(A) She wasn't interested. Someone who *is* interested and who has decent social skills will put in a decent effort to appear interesting and find things the two of you could have in common. That person will at least appear open to doing something they otherwise might not be doing (e.g., hiking) on their own. Someone who is NOT interested though, will often try to discourage interest back, by appearing boring and by appearing to have little in common.

 

(B) She really is that boring.

 

I'd say it's more likely to be (A). But (B) is a possibility too. Not every date that doesn't go well means you screwed up OP, people are often just not compatible.

 

Then again OP, you seem to be set in your ways too. I really think you'd meet more interesting women and BE more interesting yourself, by travelling much more, yes reconsider that idea that was vetoed in one of your previous threads

 

Nah, need a ton of money to travel. *shrug*

[scorpiogirl]

Well, it could be one of two things:

 

(A) She wasn't interested. Someone who *is* interested and who has decent social skills will put in a decent effort to appear interesting and find things the two of you could have in common. That person will at least appear open to doing something they otherwise might not be doing (e.g., hiking) on their own. Someone who is NOT interested though, will often try to discourage interest back, by appearing boring and by appearing to have little in common.

 

(B) She really is that boring.

 

I'd say it's more likely to be (A). But (B) is a possibility too. Not every date that doesn't go well means you screwed up OP, people are often just not compatible.

 

Then again OP, you seem to be set in your ways too. I really think you'd meet more interesting women and BE more interesting yourself, by travelling much more, yes reconsider that idea that was vetoed in one of your previous threads

 

He doesn't see it. You'll make suggestions till you're blue in the face and it will all fall on deaf ears.

It's easier to blame the women than look inside yourself. Maybe some day a non-fat woman with a 1950s keep-my-man-happy-and-never-leave-because-he'll-grow-on-me mindset will blow into the one horse town and head straight for the nearest meetup. Their eyes will lock. She'll close her POF app and stay for the whole dinner where they will talk about how financially draining travel is and how they want to work at their 9-5 jobs till they retire.

 

She'll enthusiastically take up all his hobbies and marvel at his small talk while in the line at Starbucks.

When "friend zone" is mentioned, her eyes will glaze over. What is this friend zone? Never heard of it.

 

Of course no kids. Who needs those pesky germ-carrying buggers around? His friends will come around and while they lament the moral decay of today's women, she will serve drinks and sandwiches. He'll pat her on the butt and all his friends will roar with laughter and tell him he's a lucky son of a gun.

 

This is my wish for you. Just be patient. She's out there. Don't give up.

[Imajerk17]

Well, I must admit, I did chuckle seeing this thread. I am really not sure, reading both the title *and* the last paragraph of the OP of this thread ("not open to new things and closed-minded"), if LATP was talking about the women he goes out on dates with, or if he was (subconsciously) talking about *himself*. Freudian slip? It is eerie actually.

 

LATP, I really think you need to be expanding *your own* horizons.

Edited October 4, 2015 by Imajerk17

[Shock148]

Any women interested in a man would have said yes to trying out different things because she wants to spend more time with the man. In your situation it seems she was not that into you for her to do things out of her normal routine for you. If she was, she would have at least attempted to. I would not be surprised if the same woman went out on a date with a man she found interesting or attractive or whatever and agree to go out with him in some other venue he suggests. Just move on.

[MissBee]

Nah, need a ton of money to travel. *shrug*

 

No you don't.

 

But that's for a separate thread.

 

I find that people who never travel have a particularly skewed idea of how it in fact works and always think it's more unattainable or expensive than it really is. The catch-22 is that actually traveling would relieve you of that false idea. Have you ever gone on Groupon? Dude, they constantly advertise trips on there to various countries near and far and you can even get something as simple as a cruise for $299....I'm sure if you buy coffee every week your coffee money would add up to more than that in a year.

Edited October 4, 2015 by MissBee