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Though it was a rebound, could have it been a good match?


LookAtThisPOst

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LookAtThisPOst

I started reflecting on past relationships, and my first was a woman I dated when I was in my late 20s and she was 19, college-aged. Very nice girl.

 

We dated for 4 months, though not long, I thought she was special. She was in college, but when summer time came around, I was excited to spend more time with her, but she ended things.

 

Her mother/father was paying for her college, and didn't care for our age diff., and when she moved back home for the summer, I think there was some influence there wanting her daughter to focus on her studies and if she were to date, to date men around her age bracket and in college.

 

Turns out that after our break up, I found out through a close friend of hers, that she was still reeling from being dumped herself a month prior to having met me online. Back during the [email protected] days. That was was more of a rebound if anything.

 

Me and her had good times, a lot of geeky stuff in common and very similar beliefs. I found out recently through social media that she married a couple years later after we dated, and has been so for 12 years. He's a lucky guy. :-) Seen her pics at the conventions I attend.

 

Hadn't seen her online since 15 years had passed until I saw her today. I've come across situations in the past and wonder, "Why I couldn't have been her husband?"

 

It kind of gets more saddening when you're still single, but the woman you dated got snatched up pretty quickly (as most women do I guess, don't mean to stereotype there, but I knew she wouldn't have a problem finding someone new.)

 

My main question is, if I hadn't been a rebound, would have things been different? Would have we gotten married?

 

Have you at times thought if you weren't a rebound, could you have at least had a long term relationship with said person?

 

It's weird, that a rebound can get in the way of what COULD have been a perfectly matched couple? Is it a timing issue? Like if she would have not rebounded, gotten over the ex, and THEN met me, would have things been different?

 

This could fall under "Missed opportunities".

 

Thoughts on this?

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I was pretty certain I'd marry my ex. He was just shy of 6 months being separated from ex wife and it was another 3 months of him being divorced. Really not enough time between the ex wife and me. He always talked about the ex wife as if she was still in the picture. Though they were not talking at all and in fact hated each other.

 

Our relationship was light and fun. Things got serious way to quick for him (as I believe that is why he ended things). He essentially was the guy version of me so twin flame sort of speak.

 

 

He moved to my hometown (2.5 hours away and transferred schools). To me that showed commitment. After a month being here and being together every day he ended things. Everything was pointing to a future together but realistically it would not have worked out. Though we were twin flames our families were very very different. That's okay, but I know there's someone better out there for me. Just have to keep putting myself out there more.

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@OP (sorry your name is too long!)

 

Yes - I think we don't do ourselves a favor and recognize that many things in life - relationships, jobs, companies, etc. don't work out because of poor timing.

 

After a breakup with a fiancee 2+ years ago I was raw and probably didn't give off a vibe of availability. 3 months later I started dating again and one woman was terrific but she recognized I was still raw and didn't want a rebound. Kudos for her. Move forward 6 months, I ended up doing out with a woman for about 3 months, 12-15 dates, who was nice. She was warm enough for me, she was polite, I found her intoxicating, and she seemed to be intelligent with a good career. However, at 15 dates in, she always seemed to be a bit sketchy and reschedule dates or cut them short. In the beginning she was saying she was trying to help a friend out..which I took as okay since we had hit if off and things went well. fast forward those 2 - 2 1/2 months, she said she was still taking care of a friend, and that just left me at a point where she was not worth my time and I drew a clear line in the sand and said....tell me what's going on or else. She chose or else. She had been divorced (no kids) for over a year when I met her and she said they were separated for almost a year before that....so while I thought she was availalbe, I think I was the first person she tried really dating and there was something going on - either she was seeing lots of guys, she still had feelings for her ex, her family may have been pressuring her (she was Middle Eastern in decent - christian, not muslim) or the ex could have come back and started to try to mend things) or there was an issue - probably with her mom....and she was too private to share. Which is fine...I told I didn't need the gory details...but at least more information than "i'm helping a friend out"

 

All that said, I agree with you - I wish it would have worked out and I still see her on FB....and from what I can tell 1 1/2 later - she's still single....

 

 

Yes - matches can simply not work out because of timing.

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