I want to move on but it's hard

[Jerry17]

I am in love with one of my friends. She is currently a junior and I am a freshman in college. We've been involved for two years and ever since we met, it was like an instant connection for me. We started being friends and from the start she knew I liked her but she had a boyfriend so we decided to be friends. But during the first few months of us being friends, many people kept telling us that she likes me and I like her. There were times where We showed we were jealous whenever someone of the opposite sex was around us which a lot of our friends noticed. I knew my feelings but she seemed confused and always beat around the bush with her feelings. We had a few arguments because of he say/she say stuff but we always started back talking.

 

She helped me with moving on from my past and I helped her with problems like how to deal with her boyfriend. We were there for each other but one day I tried to make her jealous and she got really mad because of what I said and we stopped talking. Every so often, we would talk just to see what's going on with the other. She didn't wish me a happy birthday and told me that we should move on and basically not be friends anymore. But that didn't work especially because I wished her a happy birthday and everything started back up. While I still tried to move on and she was single I lied to a lot of people about my feelings and tried to convince myself I was over her.

 

Sometime last year she ended up becoming really close with my bestfriend who told me about her true feelings. She told me that she was confused about me and that she didn't want to date me because she has issues of her own basically. I never told her that my bestfriend told me that because It didn't feel right that I knew. We got a little closer but she ended up getting together with another guy. This guy was cheating on her and she didn't even know it. He had a BIG problem with me because he believes that me and her were once trying to get together which wasn't the case. He got mad at her which made her get mad at me and my bestfriend so she stopped talking to us. Eventually she started talking to my bestfriend again and then me too but more slowly. Again she didn't wish me a happy bday because we weren't cool but she could've told me still. So I told her we're done and she told me happy belated birthday and that she didn't understand why I was saying I was done.

 

Being done obviously didn't work because we started back talking again and we started getting closer. I ended up getting her a Valentine's Day gift because she and her boyfriend broke up but on the day I have it to her they happened to get together. It made me mad but I didn't tell her at the time. We started hugging and interacting more in school and it wasn't really a day we walked past Each other without saying something.

 

One day at school I had a seizure and only a few people were really there for me. When I went to the hospital, she checked on me. After I got home, I messaged her and let her know I was going to be okay which she was happy about and told me that she would call me the next day because she had school and I wouldn't be there tomorrow. When we started talking on the phone, it was kind of weird at first but we both started getting more comfortable with each other. When her birthday came up I wished her a happy bday and got her gifts and money for her birthday including an expensive necklace. She was so happy about it and wouldn't stop talking about how she's happy about it. This marked the start of us talking about more than just school and our life. We started talking about kids and family. We both said we didn't want kids but I know now that eventually I do want some. We hit a bump when she told me that she doesn't see us being together but that didn't stop us from talking to each other still.

 

Over the summer, we started talking almost everyday and Helped each other a lot. We found out we have more in common than we thought and we have some of the same views. She helped me decide on some things in my life and I helped her decide on some things in her life. We talked about our careers and how we did want a family. I helped her with her and her kind of boyfriend. I found out that she has been involved with this guy for most of her high school years but they're not officially going out. Whenever I asked her about their relationship, she seemed confused and not sure of her feelings for him. I guess feelings got in the way again and I told her something but we got over it again. But things started getting really messed up when I started opening up about other girls in my life and how I will treat my wife right. Every time I brought up convos like that or previous or current feelings for another girl, she would either get silent or try to change the subject. This confused me greatly and only continued in building a wall between us that I thought we broke down.

 

Now we aren't even talking anymore now that she is back in school now a junior and she knows that my bestfriend is staying with me for now. It's like she just dislikes the fact that I'm around or thinking of another girl. I thought I was the only one jealous but I'm not. She and my bestfriend got into an argument because I was in my feelings about her and another girl and she was trying to talk to me about it. My bestfriend said something bad about her and she blamed me mostly for it for some reason. My bestfriend let her know she shouldn't be mad at me but she wouldn't let it go. One day she seemed like she had a bad day and I checked up on her because she looked sad too, but she acted like she didn't know what I was talking about so I left it alone. Eventually she apologized to my bestfriend but not me. She told my bestfriend that I take things the wrong way and that she doesn't have time for me and she is going through some stuff. She wanted to tell my bestfriend about what's going on with her but my bestfriend didn't want to know because she has her own problems going on. But obviously I was right about her dealing with some stuff so I don't take too much the wrong way lol.

 

But now I'm going through some stuff and I really want someone to be there for me. And Whenever I talk to her, it's like she makes me forget about my problems and feel better about my life. I actually fell for her and I know I shouldn't feel this way but it's true. I'm so confused about her and all of this and I wish she wouldn't be so confusing but I actually care about her. It feels like she's pushing me away for some reason but I don't know why. Can you help me?

[Qboro90]

Well it sounds like you've been the Mayor of Friend Zone City for quite some time now. This girl has played you for years it seems and your response is to get her cards, gifts, etc even when she's openly with other guys and dating people. You're her buddy therapist and put up with her problems with life and boys and anytime you bring up a girl she gets mad and you drop it. If you can't see what's going on by now then you never will. This girl isn't going to date you or confess her feelings all of a sudden. If she liked you like that she's had years worth of opportunities to do so. You've been passive and way to nice in allowing her to treat you like a bff. You're her emotional BF yet you get none of the perks that a BF would, that's freaking miserable.

 

You really like this girl and want to see her react? Then you absolutely 100% have to start hooking up, talking to, dating another girl/girls. If she reacts jealously when you've talked about girls in the past then the only way to possibly push her into action is to show her that she's gonna lose you to someone else. If you don't then you're gonna be her gal pal buddy who secretly cries on Friday nights when she's out with her boyfriend and then jumps when she texts you saying she needs advice to go hear about her dating problems. If that's who you wanna be then just continue what you're doing.