I would like a GF, but at the same time I don't want one.

[True Gent]

This may seem a bit strange and I'm not sure how to explain myself here.

 

It's about 20 months or so since the demise of my 9 year relationship with my now ex Fiancee. During those 20 months I have went through many phases some of them very dark, which I'm pleased to say I'm well beyond now.

 

The sadness and resentment for how it all ended up are about 90/95% gone. I'm overall very happy with where I am and what I'm doing. There is no need for me to go into details, but I've made some positive changes and I'm the most fit and healthy I've ever been both physically and mentally.

 

The thing is I seem to miss the comfort and familiarity of a long term RS, yet I don't feel like I'd be willing to give up the selfish freedom of being single. This is the longest I've been single since my early 20's, I'm 36 next month. During this time of being single I've dated a fair amount I guess. Nothing serious, just a bit of company and some kissing but I haven't clicked with a woman like I did with the ex.

 

I suppose I feel like I am not finding that certain something in someone else. As a result I'm kinda giving up trying to find it. I love having my freedom to do exactly as I choose when I want, but female company and intimacy would be nice. Never been a FWB sort of person, I think that would be harder to find than a proper GF. Also that kind of setup just isn't me.

 

The ex is popping into my thoughts occasionally, I don't think I'm missing here as such. I don't want to go back to how it was now that I've had some space, I just miss the connection I had with her.

 

Not sure what this post is trying to achieve, it's a bit of a random ramble. I'm normally very certain on what I want, suppose I'm just a bit confused and doubtful on finding my ideal partner. I haven't met any women of any significance since my breakup. Everyone is neither here nor there to me these days. I sometimes see some great OLD profiles, but I just can't be bothered to message them anymore.

Edited June 24, 2015 by True Gent

[StalwartMind]

I'm sure this can and will be interpreted differently by anyone reading this, I do however believe that I understand what you are getting at. Even if you normally are certain at what you want as well as your direction, it is not uncommon to find yourself in a dilemma of sorts.

 

There can be pulls from both sides but perhaps you currently don't really have one that is stronger in either direction, so you find yourself somewhat neutral. While you know what you enjoy, at the same time you may also find effort required to maintain a relationship is a bit too much presently. Perhaps a kind of emotional investment fatigue if you will.

 

I don't think there is anything inherently wrong with feeling like that, as you more than likely already realize, life can offer inspiration at the least expected times, and perhaps one day you'll find yourself being pushed further in either direction by some random event. Since you overall are happy and content, I wouldn't force anything to happen for the sake of it, let things flow and be taken by the stream wherever it leads you.

[True Gent]

I'm sure this can and will be interpreted differently by anyone reading this, I do however believe that I understand what you are getting at. Even if you normally are certain at what you want as well as your direction, it is not uncommon to find yourself in a dilemma of sorts.

 

There can be pulls from both sides but perhaps you currently don't really have one that is stronger in either direction, so you find yourself somewhat neutral. While you know what you enjoy, at the same time you may also find effort required to maintain a relationship is a bit too much presently. Perhaps a kind of emotional investment fatigue if you will.

 

I don't think there is anything inherently wrong with feeling like that, as you more than likely already realize, life can offer inspiration at the least expected times, and perhaps one day you'll find yourself being pushed further in either direction by some random event. Since you overall are happy and content, I wouldn't force anything to happen for the sake of it, let things flow and be taken by the stream wherever it leads you.

 

Thanks for your post, you've actually made sence of my ramblings . I think you have a point with the "emotional investment fatigue". I do think I'd probably find the effort of building and maintaining a solid relationship, a little hard work right now.

 

It goes to show how much of an impact long relationships have on us. Even though I'm now overall happy with my life, there are still some residual effects from all that has happened taking their toll to some extent. I am quite neutral at the moment, like you say if something happens and I head down a particular road then so be it. We can't plan these things or force them.

 

I'll just keep on doing my thing for now.

[Popsicle]

This may seem a bit strange and I'm not sure how to explain myself here.

 

It's about 20 months or so since the demise of my 9 year relationship with my now ex Fiancee. During those 20 months I have went through many phases some of them very dark, which I'm pleased to say I'm well beyond now.

 

The sadness and resentment for how it all ended up are about 90/95% gone. I'm overall very happy with where I am and what I'm doing. There is no need for me to go into details, but I've made some positive changes and I'm the most fit and healthy I've ever been both physically and mentally.

 

The thing is I seem to miss the comfort and familiarity of a long term RS, yet I don't feel like I'd be willing to give up the selfish freedom of being single. This is the longest I've been single since my early 20's, I'm 36 next month. During this time of being single I've dated a fair amount I guess. Nothing serious, just a bit of company and some kissing but I haven't clicked with a woman like I did with the ex.

 

I suppose I feel like I am not finding that certain something in someone else. As a result I'm kinda giving up trying to find it. I love having my freedom to do exactly as I choose when I want, but female company and intimacy would be nice. Never been a FWB sort of person, I think that would be harder to find than a proper GF. Also that kind of setup just isn't me.

 

The ex is popping into my thoughts occasionally, I don't think I'm missing here as such. I don't want to go back to how it was now that I've had some space, I just miss the connection I had with her.

 

Not sure what this post is trying to achieve, it's a bit of a random ramble. I'm normally very certain on what I want, suppose I'm just a bit confused and doubtful on finding my ideal partner. I haven't met any women of any significance since my breakup. Everyone is neither here nor there to me these days. I sometimes see some great OLD profiles, but I just can't be bothered to message them anymore.

 

I can relate. Totally.