He seems interested, but doesn't act on it

[LookAtThisPOst]

Male friend of mine, this seems to be a recent habit of his. We get to talking about women, as we're both single, and he was going on about how he met this "interesting" woman and that he hasn't met such a woman in a very long time.

 

Apparently, he had a long conversation with her at a house warming party and thought it quite refreshing to have had such a conversation.

 

My knee jerk reaction was,as well as anyone's was, "So, did you get her number?"

 

And he goes, "No, that wasn't the jist of what I was trying to get at, I just found her to be an interesting person."

 

This isn't the first time he's done this, there'd be times where he would get a woman's #, but never call her or make up excuses not to call. I mean he'd go on and on about her, but this leads the listener to think he was going to go out with her...but it never turns out that way. It's as if he's making excuses not to go out with a woman that he expresses interest in. I often wonder if his libido is going down the tubes or if he's turning into an asexual?

 

Any thoughts on this? Ever met such a person?

[ZA Dater]

Male friend of mine, this seems to be a recent habit of his. We get to talking about women, as we're both single, and he was going on about how he met this "interesting" woman and that he hasn't met such a woman in a very long time.

 

Apparently, he had a long conversation with her at a house warming party and thought it quite refreshing to have had such a conversation.

 

My knee jerk reaction was,as well as anyone's was, "So, did you get her number?"

 

And he goes, "No, that wasn't the jist of what I was trying to get at, I just found her to be an interesting person."

 

This isn't the first time he's done this, there'd be times where he would get a woman's #, but never call her or make up excuses not to call. I mean he'd go on and on about her, but this leads the listener to think he was going to go out with her...but it never turns out that way. It's as if he's making excuses not to go out with a woman that he expresses interest in. I often wonder if his libido is going down the tubes or if he's turning into an asexual?

 

Any thoughts on this? Ever met such a person?

 

I have met such a person, though he doesn't regularly get much opportunity to get numbers but like your friend he often uses "found her interesting and she was really nice", again he doesn't meet these people often.

 

Doubt it has anything to do with sex, probably just shielding himself in the face of possible rejection, its easier to enjoy the moment than to take a step and risk a nasty rejection.

 

I know this person well....I look at his face in the mirror each morning.

[StalwartMind]

Have you actually tried asking him what his intention is if he even has one at all? Perhaps he just enjoys talking to interesting women, but actually isn't looking for a relationship. There are all types of people out there, even the ones close to us more than likely have a few peculiar sides that just can't be explained by "common standards and expectations". You are both single, sure, but not everyone is like "Well damn Scotty, I need to find myself a woman", some have goals or other personal agendas they want to fulfill before they look to get together with someone. I would be inclined to ask him directly as it's the best way to understand someone better, when you find yourself questioning certain behavior that may be of importance to you.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Have you actually tried asking him what his intention is if he even has one at all? Perhaps he just enjoys talking to interesting women, but actually isn't looking for a relationship. There are all types of people out there, even the ones close to us more than likely have a few peculiar sides that just can't be explained by "common standards and expectations". You are both single, sure, but not everyone is like "Well damn Scotty, I need to find myself a woman", some have goals or other personal agendas they want to fulfill before they look to get together with someone. I would be inclined to ask him directly as it's the best way to understand someone better, when you find yourself questioning certain behavior that may be of importance to you.

 

 

Well, I recall times where he has gotten numbers from women...and we'd be talking about this fact, and I'd say, "Okay, cool...you going to call her up, ask her out?"

 

And he said, "Well, judging by her Facebook activity, she seems to be a rather busy woman, so I'm not sure about calling her...I'll guess if I do call her up, I'll grab a coffee or do lunch with her."

 

It's like he's so disturbingly indifferent and the conversation about his interest in woman go in circles.

 

What's shocking about all this is that he's generally a social butterfly with people in general.

 

Well, I know he online dates...so that's enough to lead me to believe he's single and looking. I recall one time that he called me while he was driving to meet his online date said he was running 20 mins late and asked him, "Um, well, aren't you going to call her to let her know that your'e going to be running late?"

 

He said, "Meh, she has my #, if she' concerned, she'll call me." While he was on the phone with me talking, he said, "Yeah, I'm meeting this woman from online, but I'm not thinking it'll turn into anything, if it does..it does..if not, then oh well."

 

IT's like he's become so "blah" about dating that its sabotaging his opportunities with women. Everything is like "Meh" and "*Shrug* oh well" with him. I think he's taking the whole "being aloof" or "being too available" a little to extreme, because I recall he's purchased some David DeAngelo dating advice videos for a couple hundred bucks.

Edited June 9, 2015 by LookAtThisPOst

[ZA Dater]

Well, I recall times where he has gotten numbers from women...and we'd be talking about this fact, and I'd say, "Okay, cool...you going to call her up, ask her out?"

 

And he said, "Well, judging by her Facebook activity, she seems to be a rather busy woman, so I'm not sure about calling her...I'll guess if I do call her up, I'll grab a coffee or do lunch with her."

 

It's like he's so disturbingly indifferent and the conversation about his interest in woman go in circles.

 

What's shocking about all this is that he's generally a social butterfly with people in general.

 

Well, I know he online dates...so that's enough to lead me to believe he's single and looking. I recall one time that he called me while he was driving to meet his online date said he was running 20 mins late and asked him, "Um, well, aren't you going to call her to let her know that your'e going to be running late?"

 

He said, "Meh, she has my #, if she' concerned, she'll call me." While he was on the phone with me talking, he said, "Yeah, I'm meeting this woman from online, but I'm not thinking it'll turn into anything, if it does..it does..if not, then oh well."

 

IT's like he's become so "blah" about dating that its sabotaging his opportunities with women. Everything is like "Meh" and "*Shrug* oh well" with him. I think he's taking the whole "being aloof" or "being too available" a little to extreme, because I recall he's purchased some David DeAngelo dating advice videos for a couple hundred bucks.

 

Sound to me like a guy who has been rejected one too many times and he doesn't initiate anything because of that.

[Rejected Rosebud]

Maybe he is gay??

[JuneJulySeptember]

I have met such a person, though he doesn't regularly get much opportunity to get numbers but like your friend he often uses "found her interesting and she was really nice", again he doesn't meet these people often.

 

Doubt it has anything to do with sex, probably just shielding himself in the face of possible rejection, its easier to enjoy the moment than to take a step and risk a nasty rejection.

 

I know this person well....I look at his face in the mirror each morning.

 

Yup. Exactly.

 

I was exactly like that too. I would meet a woman and I would think she was cute and cool, and I'd feign disinterest in public as to shield myself from rejection.

 

What I would do instead is have the woman get to know me as a friend first. My reasoning was that once women saw my personality and thought I was cool, my chances would go way up, maybe even have it in the bag.

 

That was the single worst idea in the world. Rejected every time along with immense heartbreak.

 

Also, back then people were around me all the time and all up in my business. So, if I had a potential, they'd know about it and if she rejected me, they'd know.

 

By now, I've been rejected so many times, I could be rejected by a toothless woman with one eye and 8 children, and I wouldn't give a **** who knew it and that has come pretty close to being reality. And my friends are so wrapped up in their own family lives, they could care less about my dating life.

[MissBee]

Male friend of mine, this seems to be a recent habit of his. We get to talking about women, as we're both single, and he was going on about how he met this "interesting" woman and that he hasn't met such a woman in a very long time.

 

Apparently, he had a long conversation with her at a house warming party and thought it quite refreshing to have had such a conversation.

 

My knee jerk reaction was,as well as anyone's was, "So, did you get her number?"

 

And he goes, "No, that wasn't the jist of what I was trying to get at, I just found her to be an interesting person."

 

This isn't the first time he's done this, there'd be times where he would get a woman's #, but never call her or make up excuses not to call. I mean he'd go on and on about her, but this leads the listener to think he was going to go out with her...but it never turns out that way. It's as if he's making excuses not to go out with a woman that he expresses interest in. I often wonder if his libido is going down the tubes or if he's turning into an asexual?

 

Any thoughts on this? Ever met such a person?

 

Pose this question to him. He'll likely have more accurate insight into his own reasons for why he does what he does.

 

I haven't met anyone like this.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Yup. Exactly.

 

I was exactly like that too. I would meet a woman and I would think she was cute and cool, and I'd feign disinterest in public as to shield myself from rejection.

 

What I would do instead is have the woman get to know me as a friend first. My reasoning was that once women saw my personality and thought I was cool, my chances would go way up, maybe even have it in the bag.

.

 

Yeah, he tends to like to get to know these ladies by seeing them at social outings numerous times than move quickly with asking of the digits. Meetups have mostly been his only means of meeting people and he told me that sometimes that you can get to know someone's negatives and think "Woah, good thing I didn't ask her out"

 

But yeah, he prefers to get to know people in a group setting and developing a friendship-based situation instead.

 

When he would ask a woman out, it would never be a phrase where he would infer it being a "date", but "Well, I just thought you and I could go to the fair together and just have fun together"

 

He tends to overuse the word "fun" as some kind of neutral, yet pleasant description of two people enjoying each others' company.

 

I recall one time last Halloween season, October, where he got this woman's number and she mentioned to him she'd be at this Haunted Forest venue downtown and wanted to meet him there with her group of friends (it wasn't a one-on-one date), but she was indeed interested.

 

He NEVER firms plans with a woman. He gets there, and winds up prior to getting there, running late because he 'had to get gas"...(stalling tactic), I mentioned that weren't you worried about being late?"

 

And he said, "Nah, if we bump into each other, we bump into each other."

 

Apparently, he's of the mind that if I go to an event, there's no plans...and if we run into each other great, if not...oh well, I'll have my own fun in the haunted forest, walking through it by himself.

 

Luckily, he bumped into a male friend and they went through together.

 

He never called her saying where they could meet up at prior to the entrance of the huanted forest, never attempted to rendezvous with her..nothing.

 

He kept talking in circles with me about all this and it was just boggling my mind. Eventually I said, "Dude, what's your deal? Why didn't you call her up and make arrangements to meet up with her group of friends. Call to say you're going to be late?" I was like "Seriously, you need to really follow-up with these women you have a so-called interest in."

 

He said, "Well, I have my way of doing things, you have your way of doing things, that's all their is to it."

 

And I was like "fine, man whatever"

 

It irritated me as he even wound up hurting a woman's feelings acting indifferent towards her. He 'f-ed' up that one big time. Real nice woman...she wound up marrying someone else like a year after my friend and her split due to his social awkwardness.

 

I'm starting to even wonder about his gender preferences even.

[misspond]

Any thoughts on this? Ever met such a person?

 

Yep, I met someone like this recently and went so far as to ask him out for drinks because I felt as though we had a lot in common and it would be worth spending some time together. He accepted the invitation, and we went out together a few times, but only once did he extend an invitation to me, so I was the one doing pretty much all of the driving. So I didn't reject him, and also had to make sure that I didn't come on too strong (there was no chatting/texting between dates, we would just organise the next time we'd meet and he'd robotically check in with me 5 days before to check we were still going to meet and organise the proper where and when), and I let him lead the pace whilst still keeping things going.

 

Eventually his "vaguely interested/great conversation and laughs when we were together/lots in common but keep pushing away" persona led me to invite him to say, "maybe we should stop doing this," (because I didn't want to reject him, silly I know but I could tell he had issues and didn't want to make anything worse).

 

It was a very disconcerting and unaffirming experience for me, and probably for him too. Obviously I have no idea about whether this was due to a lack of testosterone, mental health issues, confidence issues or whatever because I wasn't inside his head, only he was. In the end I felt like I was some kind of experiment in, "Yes, ok, maybe I should do this."

 

In fact it was this experience that led me here :/

Edited June 9, 2015 by misspond

[alphamale]

Any thoughts on this? Ever met such a person?

most likely he has the hots for you LATP

[misspond]

most likely he has the hots for you LATP

 

That was one of my thoughts about the man I spent time with - not that he preferred LATP specifically, but.......

[scorpiogirl]

Maybe he's just providing some material for you to write about here, since you do it so often.

He's found out you're repeating stories and he knows how it infuriates you that he wouldn't do exactly what you would do, so he lays it on thick for you.

 

He doesn't want you to repeat the story of the grass cutting and delayed texting either, so if I were you, I'd expect a different scenario coming from him pretty soon.

[alphamale]

this is another reason why boys and girls shouldn't be "friends"

[Popsicle]

Male friend of mine, this seems to be a recent habit of his. We get to talking about women, as we're both single, and he was going on about how he met this "interesting" woman and that he hasn't met such a woman in a very long time.

 

Apparently, he had a long conversation with her at a house warming party and thought it quite refreshing to have had such a conversation.

 

My knee jerk reaction was,as well as anyone's was, "So, did you get her number?"

 

And he goes, "No, that wasn't the jist of what I was trying to get at, I just found her to be an interesting person."

 

This isn't the first time he's done this, there'd be times where he would get a woman's #, but never call her or make up excuses not to call. I mean he'd go on and on about her, but this leads the listener to think he was going to go out with her...but it never turns out that way. It's as if he's making excuses not to go out with a woman that he expresses interest in. I often wonder if his libido is going down the tubes or if he's turning into an asexual?

 

Any thoughts on this? Ever met such a person?

 

Yes. I have no answers but these are the guys who literally enjoy being friendzone.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Right, another method of his is that he hardly ever asks personal questions of a woman he's getting to know.

 

Not the perverted kind, but just basic "getting to know you questions" like asking about hobbies, career, activities, etc.

 

I recall him walking a woman (he already knew) to her car after a big gala event in the city. Instead , he would talk about some neutral topic about hardware, car tires, etc

 

He went on about car tires when walking this one woman to her car when she said, in passing, "I need to get new tires for my car" and he pretty much launched into a lengthy conversation about car tires.

 

I am aware that he is lacking energy lately these days, so I'm concerned for him there, but I've known plenty of rather tenacious 50-somethings that pursue women with the same enthusiasm as younger men.

 

 

Yep, I met someone like this recently and went so far as to ask him out for drinks because I felt as though we had a lot in common and it would be worth spending some time together. He accepted the invitation, and we went out together a few times, but only once did he extend an invitation to me, so I was the one doing pretty much all of the driving. So I didn't reject him, and also had to make sure that I didn't come on too strong (there was no chatting/texting between dates, we would just organise the next time we'd meet and he'd robotically check in with me 5 days before to check we were still going to meet and organise the proper where and when), and I let him lead the pace whilst still keeping things going.

 

Eventually his "vaguely interested/great conversation and laughs when we were together/lots in common but keep pushing away" persona led me to invite him to say, "maybe we should stop doing this," (because I didn't want to reject him, silly I know but I could tell he had issues and didn't want to make anything worse).

 

It was a very disconcerting and unaffirming experience for me, and probably for him too. Obviously I have no idea about whether this was due to a lack of testosterone, mental health issues, confidence issues or whatever because I wasn't inside his head, only he was. In the end I felt like I was some kind of experiment in, "Yes, ok, maybe I should do this."

 

In fact it was this experience that led me here :/

[ZA Dater]

Yup. Exactly.

 

I was exactly like that too. I would meet a woman and I would think she was cute and cool, and I'd feign disinterest in public as to shield myself from rejection.

 

What I would do instead is have the woman get to know me as a friend first. My reasoning was that once women saw my personality and thought I was cool, my chances would go way up, maybe even have it in the bag.

 

That was the single worst idea in the world. Rejected every time along with immense heartbreak.

 

Also, back then people were around me all the time and all up in my business. So, if I had a potential, they'd know about it and if she rejected me, they'd know.

 

By now, I've been rejected so many times, I could be rejected by a toothless woman with one eye and 8 children, and I wouldn't give a **** who knew it and that has come pretty close to being reality. And my friends are so wrapped up in their own family lives, they could care less about my dating life.

 

Sounds like you and I have quite a bit in common with this, except for the fact my one friend is now taking a very active interest in my dating life.

 

 

I still believe friends is the way to go to sell oneself, even though the actual evidence in my case suggests this is nothing but a rubbish notion.

[alphamale]

Yes. I have no answers but these are the guys who literally enjoy being friendzone.

indeed popsicle, these clowns are in a race to see who can have more female "friends"

[LookAtThisPOst]

indeed popsicle, these clowns are in a race to see who can have more female "friends"

 

Believe it or not, I think some are rather content on being only friends with women.

 

In his case, esp. at his age...he's like "Meh" about the whole thing, esp. at his age. He rarely makes an effort in being flirty.

 

He did recently tell me that at the Meetups lately that there aren't much for prospective mates anymore and has turned to online dating.

 

Most men normally say, "I met a cutie today!" or "I met a real nice woman today!" But "I met a real interesting woman."

 

It's an ambiguous term...and it leaves me thinking, "Is that a good thing??"

[Phoe]

I have wonderful and awesome conversations with people all the time and no one is ever trying exchange numbers over it.

 

Some people just genuinely enjoy a stimulating chat with others, with no meaning or intentions behind it.

[alphamale]

Some people just genuinely enjoy a stimulating chat with others, with no meaning or intentions behind it.

most "chats" have an intention behind them

[Phoe]

most "chats" have an intention behind them

 

Now that's just silly! Haha.

 

The world isn't just a big cluster**** of hidden motives...

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

Another typical case of the woman being passive around the man