Meeting women my age bracket that want kids

[LookAtThisPOst]

I'm kind of in a quandry where I would PREFER a woman without children (I don't have kids), as its less of a challenge if they don't, however, when I do meet women in my age bracket....late 30's to early 40's...that DON'T have children...well...it seems they DO want children.

 

I have to say, when I reached the big 4-0, my idea of being an elderly parent isnt' just so appealing. I mean imagine being 55 years old when you have a 10 year old, right? The idea of being the only AARP card carrying member with a kid in grade school, right?

 

Some even want to adopt since they are unable to have children, as it's unhealthy and risky at such an age.

 

Any gentlemen here run into this? Why would anyone want children at 40 an beyond, considering the health risks?

[Toodaloo]

People are living longer.

 

I know many older fathers with young children and they are brilliant.

 

I know many couples in their early 40's having their first children and they make wonderful parents.

 

Is it just that you don't want children or that you don't want to be an "older" parent?

 

Why not state that you do not want children if you are dead set against it?

[hotpotato]

Not a guy, but I wonder, too. I wanted to get my childbearing out the way asap. Even having kids at 30 turns me off, but to each her own. I figure they went to college then maybe m had a career hence the delay in childbearing. Just a guess.

 

I couldnt imagine being 40, 50 and chasing after small kids all day.

[PrettyEmily77]

Not a guy but I'm 38, single, never married, no kids. I don't have the urge to have any but would consider it with the right guy and for the right reasons.

 

 

FWIW, my close friend has just had her first baby aged 42; her SO is 43. They met a couple of years ago and it's something they both really wanted. They're financially settled, really healthy, both have great careers and aren't feeling the strain of maternity leave. They have carefully budgeted so she is able to take the whole of the first year of the little one out and they've already talked about taking it in turns to take sabbaticals after that until she reaches school age.

 

 

I have another friend who says most of the other parents at school are about her age - she's 44, her son is 4 and started school this year. It's not that uncommon around where I live. What you lack (maybe) in youthful vitality you can make up for with financial and emotional stability; they do say divorce rates are a lot lower for those who commit later.

 

 

There's always a risk involved, and the rates of over 40s being able to conceive range between 2 and 5% so you really have to want it.

[GemmaUK]

People are having children much older now, fair play to them if that is what they want.

 

I don't have children and it was a choice of mine.

 

I personally would rather meet a man who has children.

In the years I would have been having children I was working full time and being a carer for my Dad who was very poorly and I was in a long term relationship too.

When Dad passed away just days before my 34th birthday it was like the pressure of care had been released to some extent. He had been ill since I was 25 and prior to that my Mum had suffered long term illness from when I was aged 4 (and I still remember caring at even that young age for her - as in doing things that no other child I knew did for their Mums) until she passed away just days before my 18th birthday so I have done a lot of 'being a carer' in my life.

 

I have no desire to be a mother but I have regained the capacity for caring once again for a person who is not my SO (or my remaining family & friends obviously) so a man with children would be a bonus.

 

I also find men with children to be less self centred generally.

 

What do you see as a 'challenge' as you put it about a woman with children?

[preraph]

If you don't want kids, get a vascectomy. Yes, most women want kids, but they don't all wants kids. Go to a childfree site (google "childfree" not "childless,") and see how many people there are there looking to meet others who don't want kids.

[LookAtThisPOst]

People are living longer.

 

I know many older fathers with young children and they are brilliant.

 

I know many couples in their early 40's having their first children and they make wonderful parents.

 

Is it just that you don't want children or that you don't want to be an "older" parent?

 

Why not state that you do not want children if you are dead set against it?

 

There was a time in my mid-20's, upon nearing my graduation from college, where I did want to have the whole American Dream of getting married, having kids, etc. As basically, there were people in college hooking up, dating, getting married shortly after their graduation dates. That was my goal, and apparently it didn't happen back then. As I started reaching my mid-30's, I started to think, "Well, I'm getting to that point now that my motivation started to wane."

 

What do you see as a 'challenge' as you put it about a woman with children?

 

It would depend on the situation. I'm not completely opposed to dating a woman with children, but certain conditions would have to be met.

 

For one, I would hope she would have joint custody and not have her children full time. Why, well, she would have a hard time dating, esp. if the kids were young. The ability to schedule isn't there. I knew of single women with kids full time that had to hold off dating altogether until their children had gotten older (perhaps teenagers or at least old enough for them to have gained an interest in having their own girlfriends/boyfriends). I knew of a woman that had a kid full time, but she was so caught up in her son's Cub Scouts and her child's friends social events...that she had not time to spend with her current boyfriend. She was too busy playing chauffer to her son's friends and involved in her son's friends activities that she had no time for him. Of course, the child was rather young, around 8 years old. She had to end it because he suggested perhaps an outing with her, him, and her son was in order...she refused as this would confuse her child. They ended it.

 

This is just an example, but it does make sense.

 

Also, the behavior of the children. If they are unruly, of course it's a deal breaker.

 

By dating someone without kids, you can do things spontaneously, no concerns of finding a baby sitter or passing the child off onto the parents in the area.

 

I knew of a woman that was living with a man, her son was moving back home after college. The son called, and while she was doing dishes, he said, "Sure, son, come on home"...he didn't think to discuss it with her, so there goes the idea of not being so self-centered...and then she walked.

Edited April 16, 2015 by LookAtThisPOst

[MissBee]

I'm kind of in a quandry where I would PREFER a woman without children (I don't have kids), as its less of a challenge if they don't, however, when I do meet women in my age bracket....late 30's to early 40's...that DON'T have children...well...it seems they DO want children.

 

I have to say, when I reached the big 4-0, my idea of being an elderly parent isnt' just so appealing. I mean imagine being 55 years old when you have a 10 year old, right? The idea of being the only AARP card carrying member with a kid in grade school, right?

 

Some even want to adopt since they are unable to have children, as it's unhealthy and risky at such an age.

 

Any gentlemen here run into this? Why would anyone want children at 40 an beyond, considering the health risks?

 

Since you yourself said they don't all want biological kids, then there isn't a health risk.

 

Some people really want to be parents and for whatever reason didn't get to have them earlier in life.

 

While having kids younger is ideal, I don't think anyone ever suffered because they had older parents. In my world lots of people have kids at older ages and it's more common than not, so I don't see it as that strange.

 

However, I'm sure there are also women who don't want kids period and you just have to hold out for that.

[thefooloftheyear]

It just depends on the person...

 

I can honestly say I'd probably have more energy and vitality at 55 than most guys have at 35 or 40, so its do-able..IN my late 40's, I can easily keep up with my 12 year old daughter....No problem at all!

 

And don't forget...Its not the 60's and 70's anymore...Technology has turned most kids into lazy lumps...Most active adults would have no problem keeping up with the average kid these days....Its not like it used to be, so I don't think its as much of an issue as it once was..

 

Plus we are that much smarter!

 

TFY

[serial muse]

I had to laugh at the comment about being the only AARP-carrying person with a kid in grade school. I think it depends a LOT on where you live. I can attest that in large northeastern cities, at least, there are many many people who've had kids post-40.

[GemmaUK]

It would depend on the situation. I'm not completely opposed to dating a woman with children, but certain conditions would have to be met.

 

For one, I would hope she would have joint custody and not have her children full time. Why, well, she would have a hard time dating, esp. if the kids were young. The ability to schedule isn't there. I knew of single women with kids full time that had to hold off dating altogether until their children had gotten older (perhaps teenagers or at least old enough for them to have gained an interest in having their own girlfriends/boyfriends). I knew of a woman that had a kid full time, but she was so caught up in her son's Cub Scouts and her child's friends social events...that she had not time to spend with her current boyfriend. She was too busy playing chauffer to her son's friends and involved in her son's friends activities that she had no time for him. Of course, the child was rather young, around 8 years old. She had to end it because he suggested perhaps an outing with her, him, and her son was in order...she refused as this would confuse her child. They ended it.

 

This is just an example, but it does make sense.

 

Also, the behavior of the children. If they are unruly, of course it's a deal breaker.

 

By dating someone without kids, you can do things spontaneously, no concerns of finding a baby sitter or passing the child off onto the parents in the area.

 

I knew of a woman that was living with a man, her son was moving back home after college. The son called, and while she was doing dishes, he said, "Sure, son, come on home"...he didn't think to discuss it with her, so there goes the idea of not being so self-centered...and then she walked.

 

So, it's best just to ask upfront, do they have joint custody and how often would they be free to see you.

 

 

Their children will be of a higher value no matter what age they are and that is a given and is instinctive in both mothers and fathers.

 

 

If you choose to chat up a woman without children then again, ask questions very early on.

If there are things in the dating world that you know will cause you problems then find out before any getting invested happens.

[Cupid's Puppet]

I doubt anyone wanted to have children in their 40s or 50s. Many are victims of life circumstances or poor choices. Whatever the case, they shouldn't give up their dream just because they weren't fortunate enough to meet their longtime mate by 21, start their career by 23, get married by 25, and have all their kids by 30. That perfect timeline of adulthood simply doesn't happen for a lot of people.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I doubt anyone wanted to have children in their 40s or 50s. Many are victims of life circumstances or poor choices. Whatever the case' date=' they shouldn't give up their dream just because they weren't fortunate enough to meet their longtime mate by 21, start their career by 23, get married by 25, and have all their kids by 30. That perfect timeline of adulthood simply doesn't happen for a lot of people.[/quote']

 

Just came across this woman at the age of 46 that wants children. I figured by that time she'd be pre-menopausal. I mean...46?? Yikes. I lost the desire when I turned 40.

 

I may be better off dating women that do have children as I know usually women who already have kids don't want anymore.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Occasionally I'd come across women my age that have children and want MORE children.

[elaine567]

Just came across this woman at the age of 46 that wants children. I figured by that time she'd be pre-menopausal. I mean...46?? Yikes. I lost the desire when I turned 40.

 

I may be better off dating women that do have children as I know usually women who already have kids don't want anymore.

 

I think this is may be a problem for you; no kids, not infertile(I am assuming) and doesn't want kids either.

I think some mothers may question that on quite a few levels, and may not want to get involved with you. Sorry.

However I guess that there will be some women who have no kids in their 40s who do not want kids or who cannot have kids maybe.

 

Many women are having babies in their 40s. Fertility reduces, but it is far from an impossible goal.

In the UK one in 25 babies were born to mothers over forty in 2013. One in 25 babies born to over-40s | Life and style | The Guardian

[LookAtThisPOst]

I have met quite a few, though not many, single women in my age bracket that don't want kids...usually in real life. Though most don't think of me in "that way".

 

although I did date a 31 year old that thought 30 was HER max for not wanting kids.

 

I doubt single mothers would think it be a deal breaker for a single man not having kids.

 

I know people in their 4th and 5th who havery older children to not date people of the same age with younger children

 

 

I think this is may be a problem for you; no kids, not infertile(I am assuming) and doesn't want kids either.

I think some mothers may question that on quite a few levels, and may not want to get involved with you. Sorry.

However I guess that there will be some women who have no kids in their 40s who do not want kids or who cannot have kids maybe.

 

Many women are having babies in their 40s. Fertility reduces, but it is far from an impossible goal.

In the UK one in 25 babies were born to mothers over forty in 2013. One in 25 babies born to over-40s | Life and style | The Guardian