LookAtThisPOst Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 Saw an article: Is it a date? Or hanging out? Survey reflects confusion Actually, looked up this article in regards to the ambiguity in dating...or "hanging out." This woman I know has said in her first breath that she's dating, let's call him "Bill", and in the next breath said, "I like hanging out with him." I had spoken with a woman on dating vs. hanging out...according to her, she doesn't like to "slap labels" when it comes to this kind of thing as she mentioned at first her dating, let's call him Bill, and in the next breath, referred to their experiences of spending time with one another as "hanging out." I said, "So which is it?" and she said, "I prefer not to slap labels on it, but when talking we have to use some kind of word when referring to it, right?" I said, "Sure, but is better to know the actual meaning of those words and use it in the proper context." Being the traditionalist that I am, this confuses me, but with her...being the "Independent woman" woman that she is when claiming that most men are intimidated by her and her independence, I'm afraid this goes with the package of those not desiring to commit or just leaving this rather ambiguous, even to the current man she's been "hanging out" with. She claims she can hardly be available for any real relationship, and the guy she's currently with is just as busy as she is, though I have known him to be a tom cat of sorts that serial dates anyhow. In fact, she made mention that he had to ask her out a month in advance in order for her to schedule anything with him. Anyhow, there seems to be this overall fear when referring to the dreaded "D" (dating) word when it comes to courtship. I'm curious as to why this far is prevalent? Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 I would suggest just letting both ladies and both Bill's get on with it. They're not doing themselves or anyone else any harm. People are entitled to call whatever dating/friends type of situation that they are in whatever they like. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted April 12, 2015 Author Share Posted April 12, 2015 I would suggest just letting both ladies and both Bill's get on with it. They're not doing themselves or anyone else any harm. People are entitled to call whatever dating/friends type of situation that they are in whatever they like. Well, there probably needs to be some clarification in some situations, esp. when one party is interested in more. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 Well, there probably needs to be some clarification in some situations, esp. when one party is interested in more. Surely that would be their business to sort out if it's causing a big problem though? I don't see why you would need for it to be clarified? It sounds like you would rather it were clarified from your post. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted April 12, 2015 Author Share Posted April 12, 2015 Surely that would be their business to sort out if it's causing a big problem though? I don't see why you would need for it to be clarified? It sounds like you would rather it were clarified from your post. Well, I'm just tying this into my dating experiences where when I would attempt to date women, that they were rather on the fence as to what to call out little outing. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 Well, I'm just tying this into my dating experiences where when I would attempt to date women, that they were rather on the fence as to what to call out little outing. I see. Better off to just ask them when it happens and not overanalyse it. Some people go at a slower rate when getting to know someone but also to be really honest I don't think there's an awful lot of difference between 'date' and 'hang out'. I would be a bit baffled if someone got upset over it. I'd be thinking 'don't sweat the small stuff'. If I was spending time with someone and enjoying it then it's just a take it a day at a time thing - which is all dating is anyway. Actions speak louder than words so they say. Link to post Share on other sites
Butterflying Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 (edited) She's crazy or in denial. I hate people who say they are too busy for anything serious. Yet they "hang out" with or "date" the same person consitantly. That just means they are having their cake & eating it too. They are immature, irresponsible, and worthless. By the way, hanging out is dating. Otherwise, if you don't have time to "date" then you don't have time to "hang out" either. Edited April 15, 2015 by Butterflying Link to post Share on other sites
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted April 15, 2015 Author Share Posted April 15, 2015 (edited) She's crazy or in denial. I hate people who say they are too busy for anything serious. Yet they "hang out" with or "date" the same person consitantly. That just means they are having their cake & eating it too. They are immature, irresponsible, and worthless. By the way, hanging out is dating. Otherwise, if you don't have time to "date" then you don't have time to "hang out" either. Right, like the guy she's "Hanging out" with now, she claims has just the same amount of limited time as she does...so I guess it works? I kind of know the guy to be a tomcat of sorts. Prior to that, I had seen them together at a Meetup, but later on I asked her if they were dating and she said they weren't because she doesn't have time for that sort of thing now, that she has "responsibilities". I asked her to a movie and she accepted, but then later on asked her if she's dating that guy...she said, "Yes". I said, "Woah, guess I better retract the movie invitation then, wouldn't want to step on any toes." That's where it got confusing and she asked me if I had a problem with just being friends with women...that's where I get into the whole "Depends on the situation" scenario. If I'm attracted and I think I could see each other dating, then yes. If not, then no problem. Edited April 15, 2015 by LookAtThisPOst Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 True story: At some point of my "relationship", I brought up the conversation of how much I enjoyed "hanging out". She gave me the weirdest look ever. Apparently we had been dating for two months, I didn't know. Why? Because America. Because millenials. Within my own culture... dating is the act of going out on dates. It does not mean exclusivity, so imagine my culture shock when I said that a girl was dating me after just two dates. I didn't understand until a few months later that she understood I was meaning exclusivity. At some point, I gave up and just called it "hanging out" even though I think it's ridiculous and hanging out is something I've always done with just the boys. Link to post Share on other sites
Frank2thepoint Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Anyhow, there seems to be this overall fear when referring to the dreaded "D" (dating) word when it comes to courtship. Honestly, it's good there's this fear. It separates the courageous from the weak. The interested from the disinterested. If you are genuinely interested in someone, you use the term "date". If the other person gets squeamish about it, then you know right there you are wasting your time. The term exists for a reason. To establish romantic pursuit. Anyone that is afraid of using it, is afraid of romantic involvement. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted April 15, 2015 Author Share Posted April 15, 2015 Honestly, it's good there's this fear. It separates the courageous from the weak. The interested from the disinterested. If you are genuinely interested in someone, you use the term "date". If the other person gets squeamish about it, then you know right there you are wasting your time. The term exists for a reason. To establish romantic pursuit. Anyone that is afraid of using it, is afraid of romantic involvement. Right, it's rather wishy-washy not to call a spade a spade. I had a friend of mine, male 50...single...tried to give me advice on how to ask a woman out and to not call it a "date", but just say it like, "I figured we could get together, have fun, good laughs, and just have great times together." Women his age got sick of his wishy-washiness when he wasn't good at follow-up either when it came to making plans of "getting together sometime" when he could never really settle on a date or time. Basically, phrase it in a way where it doesn't sound like a date. *shrug* Link to post Share on other sites
rester Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 This woman I know has said in her first breath that she's dating, let's call him "Bill", and in the next breath said, "I like hanging out with him." I had spoken with a woman on dating vs. hanging out...according to her, she doesn't like to "slap labels" when it comes to this kind of thing as she mentioned at first her dating, let's call him Bill, and in the next breath, referred to their experiences of spending time with one another as "hanging out." I said, "So which is it?" and she said, "I prefer not to slap labels on it, but when talking we have to use some kind of word when referring to it, right?" I said, "Sure, but is better to know the actual meaning of those words and use it in the proper context." Right, like the guy she's "Hanging out" with now, she claims has just the same amount of limited time as she does...so I guess it works? I kind of know the guy to be a tomcat of sorts. Prior to that, I had seen them together at a Meetup, but later on I asked her if they were dating and she said they weren't because she doesn't have time for that sort of thing now, that she has "responsibilities". I asked her to a movie and she accepted, but then later on asked her if she's dating that guy...she said, "Yes". I said, "Woah, guess I better retract the movie invitation then, wouldn't want to step on any toes." That's where it got confusing and she asked me if I had a problem with just being friends with women...that's where I get into the whole "Depends on the situation" scenario. If I'm attracted and I think I could see each other dating, then yes. If not, then no problem. Are you talking about the same woman here? It sounds like when you asked her if she was dating the guy, she was being politely ambiguous so you'd take the hint you were being nosy, rather than her telling you outright to mind your business. You didn't take the hint, so she finally told you she was "dating" the guy. In her mind, and in his, they were/are probably "dating". Why would you ask a woman out to a movie after she already told you she doesn't have time for "that sort of thing"? Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 I think its more about immaturity and that level of commitment you talked about...you should be able to label things.... and hanging out is friendship...dating is intimacy and more of a commitment to know someone who interests you beyond friendship and hanging out...i always differentiate...luckily so do the guys i have dated..they dont say lets hang out.......they ask me out properly.....but im pre historic so maybe its an age thing.....deb Link to post Share on other sites
Search4clarity Posted April 18, 2015 Share Posted April 18, 2015 Maybe because she doesn't want to tell you she is f***king Bill. Link to post Share on other sites
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