acuriousman99 Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 I always see women going up to guys and approaching them. Guys they've never met before and they're instantly bubbly and fun with them. I've seen at bars, bus stops, clubs, and even in the supermarket. They either sit by them and start a conversation or say something to them as they're passing by. Then BOOM, both start having fun. It's never happened to me. Never in my entire life. It's such an awful feeling to walk around and know you're not wanted by anyone. Why are they so disgusted by me and not them? I dress well, I always make sure I keep my cologne light, and never look down at my phone/have headphones on so they know they can approach. What do they hate about me that they don't every one else? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 It's true that woman are a lot more progressive then they used to be. But it's not how the male/female dynamic is supposed to be. Men approach and go after what they want. It's just how it is. Instead of sitting there wondering why women never approach, why not walk up and talk to one of them? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 Generally, it's a combination of not being approachable and being unattractive physically. That doesn't mean 'ugly', as in strict appearance, rather one's physical presence is unattractive. This could be dress, it could be facial expressions, it could be body posture, it could be movements or mannerisms, etc, etc. Another factor could be demographics. If women in your demographic simply don't approach men, have no need nor impetus to approach men and still have satisfying relationships with men, then they won't approach men. However, you stated you view women approaching other men so I tend to discount demographics here. I found I fell somewhere in the middle. Single women rarely to never approached me and I've never been asked out on a date. However, married women did approach me, flirt with me and some were even more sexually (physically) forward, like touching, kissing, rubbing of breasts, etc, etc. Hence, there must have been some bits that were attractive but not sufficiently to engage women who were available for full relationships. However, what I did was watch successful men and who women responded positively to, learned from them and was able to gain dates, girlfriends, and a wife. For some of us, probably most of us, things don't fall in our laps. Sometimes it might seem nice if they did. That's life I guess. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 If I strike up a conversation with a guy I don't know, it's generally just because the situation lends itself to it. If I'm in the park and somebody's dog or kid comes over to me, for instance then it's normal to pass the time of day with the owner/parent. Usually it's a case of making eye contact with somebody, they smile and so it's natural to chat for a bit. But I don't regard myself as pursuing men when I'm doing that. I'm just being sociable. In fact mostly when I'm walking the dog I end up talking to couples. If somebody tends to avoid eye contact and doesn't smile much, I likely won't try to speak to them - or I'll make a token effort (if they're in a group I'm part of) then abandon further efforts if they don't respond in a particularly positive way. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mangina Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 Yes I know the feeling. Girls always look at my friend hoping to get his attention and not me. He is better looking that is the way it is. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 Yep, it's about being approachable and someone having an environmental reason or excuse to say something. Haven't you have been out in the snow or rain somewhere and just randomly said "Horrid weather" to a stranger? A person who is friendly to everyone around him looks more approachable because if anyone is watching and wanting to meet them, they know the odds are that since they are friendly and open to both men and women of all types around them, they are unlikely to get a weird reaction for also saying hi. You can't just throw the smile or glance at the one person whose figure you like. You'll have a lot more luck being nice to everyone so you are easy to approach and look like a nice person. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AVarma Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 Because women don't approach men. They send you signals and hope that you read them and approach her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
E-Squared Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 I look at people everywhere and sometimes I see the way they interact, and there are times when I don't get why some don't interact with me that way. I try to be a calm and respectful person, yet it doesn't seem good enough. I don't know if it's because of my body language or what. I mostly carry myself as a guy who is calm and reserved, sometimes a little stoic. That doesn't make me mean or anything like that. I have had women smile back at me when I give them a polite smile. I even remember when I went to Target once, some girl who worked there commented on my AC/DC shirt, and I said thank you. She even asked how I'm doing today, but she wasn't the one who rang me up. It was some other woman who did that. Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 Because women don't approach men. They send you signals and hope that you read them and approach her. Now AVarma, that is silly! You pretty much said to the OP "I know you just said that you physically see women approaching men, but women don't approach men". And... I approach men! Link to post Share on other sites
Sarabi Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 I always see women going up to guys and approaching them. Guys they've never met before and they're instantly bubbly and fun with them. I've seen at bars, bus stops, clubs, and even in the supermarket. They either sit by them and start a conversation or say something to them as they're passing by. Then BOOM, both start having fun. It's never happened to me. Never in my entire life. It's such an awful feeling to walk around and know you're not wanted by anyone. Why are they so disgusted by me and not them? I dress well, I always make sure I keep my cologne light, and never look down at my phone/have headphones on so they know they can approach. What do they hate about me that they don't every one else? Please don't be down on yourself. A girl at a bar or a club...would you really want this kind of woman anyway..? As my colleagues would say, some of those club girls are just to "beat and bounce" only (UK slang, you know it? Lol...) Who knows...they probably think they are not good enough for you anyway. That if they even tried to approach you, they wouldn't get anywhere because they can see you are well dressed or not tied up on the phone, therefore more serious and not just looking to have fun. Anyway, you are the one who is meant to do the approaching. Men like the challenge of the chase...if a woman does the chasing eventually it becomes off putting to you. Just saying... Link to post Share on other sites
AVarma Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 Now AVarma, that is silly! You pretty much said to the OP "I know you just said that you physically see women approaching men, but women don't approach men". And... I approach men! I'm not saying it never happens just that it's quite rare and nowhere near as common as men approaching women. I still think most women are a bit shy about approaching a man. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
neowulf Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 Generally speaking women don't *need* to approach men, because they're busy choosing between the men who approach them. If they are at the high end of attractive, they have almost *zero* incentive to actively approach men. If they do, it's because they've spotted what they feel is a high value male. Sorry man, no point dwelling on the natural order of things. If you want a girlfriend, you'll have to do what most of us do and go out and *get* one. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 I always see women going up to guys and approaching them. Guys they've never met before and they're instantly bubbly and fun with them. I've seen at bars, bus stops, clubs, and even in the supermarket. They either sit by them and start a conversation or say something to them as they're passing by. Then BOOM, both start having fun. You may have seen it once or twice but I don't believe it's happening all the time. Also if you are not part of that group there is no way for you to know if indeed they have never seen each other before. I am in bus stops, metros, downtown streets, supermarket every single day and I don't witness that. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 You may have seen it once or twice but I don't believe it's happening all the time. Also if you are not part of that group there is no way for you to know if indeed they have never seen each other before. I am in bus stops, metros, downtown streets, supermarket every single day and I don't witness that. I agree, I doubt many women are going up to strange men on the street, stone cold sober, I guess they already know them. People in small towns, districts are always meeting either people they know, or know of. In some bars/clubs the regulars get to know each other, especially if they go out a lot. Alcohol helps to break down the barriers. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AVarma Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 I agree, I doubt many women are going up to strange men on the street, stone cold sober, I guess they already know them. People in small towns, districts are always meeting either people they know, or know of. In some bars/clubs the regulars get to know each other, especially if they go out a lot. Alcohol helps to break down the barriers. But even if people know each other it's still usually the man who asks the woman out. I don't I've ever heard of a woman directly asking a man out. I've heard of her friends tell a guy that so and so likes her and encouraging him to ask her out but I've never heard of a woman directly asking a man out. Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 But even if people know each other it's still usually the man who asks the woman out. I don't I've ever heard of a woman directly asking a man out. I've heard of her friends tell a guy that so and so likes her and encouraging him to ask her out but I've never heard of a woman directly asking a man out. I've done it. I knew of a guy, found him attractive and interesting, so I asked him to dinner and drinks. He said no, but still, I made that move. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author acuriousman99 Posted March 2, 2015 Author Share Posted March 2, 2015 Yes I know the feeling. Girls always look at my friend hoping to get his attention and not me. He is better looking that is the way it is. I know, I wish I was them and could be attractive. Life must be so much easier, women just fall into their lap and they get everything. Because women don't approach men. They send you signals and hope that you read them and approach her. But I'm sending her a big signal but removing my headphones/putting away my phone when she's around. That's work on my part, then she's open to make the first move. Link to post Share on other sites
GravityMan Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 Maybe it's your resting face (which has little to do with looks BTW), or the vibe you're unconsciously giving off. Some people project this "stay away from me" aura without even realizing it, even though they're actually quite nice if you get to know them. In any case, whatever the reason is for women avoiding you...it's likely something that is obvious to everyone else, including other guys and even your friends...but is completely oblivious to you. You really need someone you know IRL to be bluntly honest with you about why people are keeping their distance from you. This isn't something that people on an online forum can easily diagnose accurately. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Moy Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 (edited) I always see women going up to guys and approaching them. Guys they've never met before and they're instantly bubbly and fun with them. I've seen at bars, bus stops, clubs, and even in the supermarket. They either sit by them and start a conversation or say something to them as they're passing by. Then BOOM, both start having fun. It's never happened to me. Never in my entire life. It's such an awful feeling to walk around and know you're not wanted by anyone. Why are they so disgusted by me and not them? I dress well, I always make sure I keep my cologne light, and never look down at my phone/have headphones on so they know they can approach. What do they hate about me that they don't every one else? The reason that they never approach me. Not hot enough. Harsh lesson, I know. Forget that women even exist and make yourself 'hotter.' For yourself, not them. Edited March 3, 2015 by Moy Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 The reason that they never approach me. Not hot enough. Harsh lesson, I know. Forget that women even exist and make yourself 'hotter.' For yourself, not them. I am going to argue this one. I would change "hot" to "attractive"... Which is more attractive. The guy who is laughing, sociable, interesting and engaging with his fellow men/ women? Or the one sat in the corner picking at his nails and worrying... Take looks height everything else out of it the man who is living life and enjoying it is not only going to be happier in himself but also far more approachable and will get more attention. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Moy Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 I am going to argue this one. I would change "hot" to "attractive"... Which is more attractive. The guy who is laughing, sociable, interesting and engaging with his fellow men/ women? Or the one sat in the corner picking at his nails and worrying... Take looks height everything else out of it the man who is living life and enjoying it is not only going to be happier in himself but also far more approachable and will get more attention. Exactly that, should have chose my wording differently. "Build it and they will come...." Link to post Share on other sites
PrettyEmily77 Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 Women approach men they are attracted to ALL THE TIME. I'm in my late thirties and have never had a problem approaching a guy I think has dating potential. I'll be honest and say it's ALWAYS about looks at first, and I can't understand why some people are in denial about it. it's also about how the guy carries himself, how confident and comfortable in his own skin he appears, and how approachable he seems to be, but looks play the biggest part initially, to me anyway, and to most of my female friends. That doesn't mean to say I have specific prerequisites, although I tend to like muscly, dark haired types, but I need to be physically attracted to a guy before I make any sort of move. I find men to be very responsive to me approaching them and have only been turned down when the guy wasn't single. It's a different experience online though, and recently I have found myself getting to know someone I wouldn't find attractive in real life based on his photos, but I am attracted to his personality that much that I'm willing to give it a chance and se where it goes. It's a first for me, but if the physical attraction isn't there when I meet him in person, I can't see myself going any further. Just being honest. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 You just don't fit into what most women find attractive. I don't either. I've never been approached in my life, and a number of men here never have. There's a certain point where you just have to accept things in life as the way they will be and do other things to increase your happiness. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lordbaelish Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 I always see women going up to guys and approaching them. Guys they've never met before and they're instantly bubbly and fun with them. I've seen at bars, bus stops, clubs, and even in the supermarket. They either sit by them and start a conversation or say something to them as they're passing by. Then BOOM, both start having fun. It's never happened to me. Never in my entire life. It's such an awful feeling to walk around and know you're not wanted by anyone. Why are they so disgusted by me and not them? I dress well, I always make sure I keep my cologne light, and never look down at my phone/have headphones on so they know they can approach. What do they hate about me that they don't every one else? Dude, I can sympathise, I am in a similar position. I've never been approached by a girl, nor have I had the audacity to approach them. I would say not being noticed by girls, is one of the reasons why I lack the ability to communicate effectively with women my age (21). I know girls aren't obligated to approach me, however it's really disheartening to see when they approach others guys, to initiate a friendly conversation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NYC-BigKat Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 I look at people everywhere and sometimes I see the way they interact, and there are times when I don't get why some don't interact with me that way. I try to be a calm and respectful person, yet it doesn't seem good enough. I don't know if it's because of my body language or what. I mostly carry myself as a guy who is calm and reserved, sometimes a little stoic. That doesn't make me mean or anything like that. I have had women smile back at me when I give them a polite smile. I even remember when I went to Target once, some girl who worked there commented on my AC/DC shirt, and I said thank you. She even asked how I'm doing today, but she wasn't the one who rang me up. It was some other woman who did that. Yup its so easy to mistaken a girl being nice to u as flirting. I had it done to me tons of times u know . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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