Dating roadblocks

[venusishername]

I seem to keep coming across roadblocks in dating. I'm not sure if it's just a matter of it not being the right time, or something I'm doing wrong. But I want to turn it around because clearly something isn't working.

 

I very rarely meet someone I'm really interested in who I feel I want to pursue something with, but in the very rare occasion that I do, he becomes or turns out to be unavailable. I just recently went through this experience and I'm extremely frustrated.

I have no trouble meeting men. Most tell me I'm beautiful, I get frequent male attention... without sounding egotistical, I would be considered 'hot', 'sexy' 'dime', 'pretty', all the superficial things that don't bring happiness. I get approached fairly often based on my looks I suppose; I don't think I'm lacking in the personality department either: I'm educated, have a good career, independent, intelligent, lively and personable. Maybe I come across as a bit blunt and direct sometimes, sometimes too serious and intense.

 

I have a handful of men in my life on the outskirts (i.e. acquaintances, etc.) who are interested but I'm not for lack of physical chemistry and/or lifestyles.

 

The people I meet who I MAY be interested in end up coming on too strong and it scares me off and I change my mind. For example, the other day I went out with another single gf and I was approached. He had a big personality and very confident which I find extremely attractive. We chatted and he asked for my number, and I thought, 'what the hell' and gave it to him. My friend looked down her nose as to say why would I give him my number and my response later was 'I'm just trying to be open and not turn down someone because of xyz'. Basically I've been making a conscious effort to just be friendly and open and not think of an interaction with a male as more than just what it is on its face. Anyway, he ended up calling me last night and I made some excuse that I wasn't able to talk. I chickened out.

 

I admit to being picky; I was in (for lack of a better term) disappointing relationship in the past and I'd rather be alone than settle for less anymore. I tend to be very selective about particular things now, which limits the pool!!

I always went for the bad boy rebels, and deep down that's who I'm still attracted to, but ultimately I want someone with a solid character and guts who is stable, strong, and full of life. I know it when I see it... it's just so hard to get, and not always reciprocated.

I realize things don't happen overnight and dating requires patience, but I've been single for over three years. I have had a handful of casual relationships and one or two prospects that I cut off because I wasn't ready, and the latest disappointment; someone I was really interested in pursuing something with but he isn't on the same page.

 

Not sure if it's a matter of changing something I'm doing, or just being more patient and embracing being single, still finding myself and becoming truly ready for something real. I'm almost 31 and no prospect of boyfriend/marriage/children, which are all things I want. I wonder if I'll ever find love again.

Edited October 23, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[sdrawkcaB ssA]

Sounds like you know what you want, but expect it to be in the guys who are openly attracted to you. There are many things that effect how one will side more to phycical aspects in relationships. Mainly due to early dating and heart break, they will turn away from emotional attacthment in fear, and allow sexual attachment in physicals to reward their needs.

 

Maybe dating an older man who wants a connection. All my relationships started from friendships, which many think friend zones are dead zones. Either find better quality friends if guys you hang with are not the type for you.

 

You don't need to change who you are, just change your dating style or hangout lacation. Not all men will hit on a woman, sometimes being open enough to start a convo in meeting is better than waiting and never getting a bite from the right guy.

[GoBlue]

I am trying to figure out why you "chickened out" and didn't talk to the guy who called you last night. You can still call him back. The answer to the dating dilemma is never to lax your standards or to settle for someone you don't really want to be with. You are exactly right, being alone is far better than being in a bad relationship. From a man's perspective, there's nothing that drives me crazier than a woman who gives me her number and acts like she's interested but really isn't. Have you ever talked to one of your guy friends and asked for his input as to how you come across? A female friend is not going to be helpful in that regard because they don't see what a man sees. Maybe one of them can give you some insight as to how men perceive you.

 

There are no hard and fast rules for love. It happens when it happens and when you try to force something it usually doesn't go well. I understand your frustration, I have been there. Patience and contentment is essential for a happy life. One thing I do know about men, a woman who thinks she needs a man to be happy and fulfilled scares the living day-lights out of us. We cannot take the stress or the responsibility for making you happy. You must find that first - this makes you very attractive and desirable. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Blessings!