What am I doing wrong?

[Jackson1001]

Good day lads and lasses,

 

I am facing a mystery, and I can really use your expertise because God knows I've tried to crack it to no avail.

 

I cannot for the life of me figure out why I can't get a nice lady interested in me. Few winters have passed since my first and only serious relationship ended and the loneliness is starting to hit me rather hard. About nine months ago, things started going downhill faster than the fall of Mel Gibson’s carrier. I started getting really depressed, and the scary thing is that it’s getting worse fast. I can feel myself losing interest in life more every day. What’s really messing me up is that for the first time in my life, I don’t know what to do; I reached a wall I can’t climb.

 

Usually when I face a problem, I try to confront it by identifying the parameters and then try to find a function that would solve my issue. However, I can’t tell what I am doing wrong. Let me tell you more about me:

I am a 28 year old guy. I went to the top university in the country, I work for a leading firm in my field (I’m a financial consultant), and I am currently studying for a master’s degree. I’m a musician with a passion for writing & playing soulful music like the blues. I am a capable programmer & developer as well. I have great friends with whom I go scuba diving, jamming, biking or partying. I love traveling greatly and I have been to many places. I am 6 feet tall, dark and slim. I am well educated in many fields including astronomy, biology, physics, psychology and more. I speak 2 languages and trying to learn the third. My friends often beg me to start a YouTube channel because “I’m so funny” and witty - don’t ask me to tell a joke (You can download any album by Nicki Minaj instead).

 

So clearly I’m not what some of you kind folk harshly call a “loser”. Actually, according to the books (and a couple Wikipedia articles) I am quite the catch. I would genuinely appreciate help, for I am more confused than when I first learned where babies actually come from.

 

I started with the intention to ask a question in few words and I ended up writing an article, and for that I apologize. Have a good day everyone.

[preraph]

Well, I can't imagine what the problem is, but you know it's lonely at the top sometimes. I have two suggestions I think could really get you women and make you happier within a week:

 

See your family doctor and ask for some antidepressants to stop your spiral downward in its tracks. Understand you may not need to be on them forever but follow his/her orders to a T and don't mess with dosage or stop using without first seeing the same doctor and reporting any side effects. You might need to try more than one kind, even, to get the right one.

 

Second, this will solve your woman problem almost immediately and boost your confidence. You are a musician. Get out there and play in public. If you can't find a band quickly who gigs, go do it solo and volunteer to play in the college student union or for a corporate Christmas party or whatever. Hell, play in the park and people will wander up to you. Having been in and around musicians for a big part of my earlier days, nearly all gigging musicians, whether they're playing an arena, a bar, or the lounge at a hotel or a party, will attract women like flies.

 

Here's a unique idea if you can play solo. Contact an event planner who does weddings, etc. Tell him/her you'll play one event free for him by way of audition. You'll have to get material suitable for whatever event it is. Who knows, it might turn into a regular thing with money exchanged. Volunteer to play at some party your company has. Or organize a company talent show. Go to "open mike" night at a bar or since you're funny, at a comedy club. If you play anywhere, it gives women an excuse to approach you and tell you how much they enjoyed it, and then you chat them up and buy them a drink.

 

There's no way your luck isn't going to get better, but always remember you have to get out and do things to meet people. Good luck.

[clia]

Need more info.

 

What methods are you currently using to meet women? (OLD, Meetup, Tinder, friends, gym, bars, cold approaches...?) How many women are you asking out each week? What types of women are you asking out? (Are you picky?) How many dates do you go on each week? Dating is a big numbers game. The more you put yourself out there, the better your chances are of finding the right person.

[PerfectStorm]

Well, you sound near perfect so unless you're not being a 100% honest with yourself about possible faults, you should be able to have any woman you want. But what type of women are you going after? Are they in your league so to speak? Just meaning, that likes date likes. 8's date other 8's. Are you actually pursuing women or just sitting on the sidelines?

 

Also, you're depressed. Fix that first. I am convinced that we, especially when dating, send vibes out into the universe. What you send out there is what you get back. Sounds hippie-ish, I know. I'm usually logical but I really believe this. I'm not even close to my happiest right now, I'm convinced this is why I'm always getting approached by the wrong "type" of men. It really is ridiculous. It's what I'm attracting cause my vibe is all wrong. My mind/heart is in the wrong place which is the reason I've chosen not to date right now.

Edited August 27, 2014 by PerfectStorm

[Jackson1001]

preraph:

 

I think anti-depressants are a must at this point. I like your idea of playing in public I need to look more into that. I already have a band though

 

clia/PerfectStorm:

Well, where I live bars are full of prostitutes and higher class bars are usually for couples only. Tinder? hahaha but no:)

 

Im not very picky and usually I'm more interested and intrigued by the personality than the looks. I mean looks are important but not everything. Due to my long wroking hours I dont have much time to meet women. I go on 1 - 3 dates a year at best. I dont usually approach women much since some tend to have issues with brown skin color where I live (racistville I call it), and they will tell you in your face.

 

Thanks for your quick replays though!

[sid3]

preraph:

 

I think anti-depressants are a must at this point. I like your idea of playing in public I need to look more into that. I already have a band though

 

clia/PerfectStorm:

Well, where I live bars are full of prostitutes and higher class bars are usually for couples only. Tinder? hahaha but no:)

 

Im not very picky and usually I'm more interested and intrigued by the personality than the looks. I mean looks are important but not everything. Due to my long wroking hours I dont have much time to meet women. I go on 1 - 3 dates a year at best. I dont usually approach women much since some tend to have issues with brown skin color where I live (racistville I call it), and they will tell you in your face.

 

Thanks for your quick replays though!

 

Try and find alternate aids to help with your depression before taking anti depressants. They're some nasty meds for a majority of those who try them. Most have the side effect of killing ones sex drive. The importance of sharing that little fact is that you sound as though your depression is due to being alone.

 

Also, try and avoid using the terms lads and lasses, it just sounds queer.

[todreaminblue]

Try and find alternate aids to help with your depression before taking anti depressants. They're some nasty meds for a majority of those who try them. Most have the side effect of killing ones sex drive. The importance of sharing that little fact is that you sound as though your depression is due to being alone.

 

Also, try and avoid using the terms lads and lasses, it just sounds queer.

 

Also, try and avoid using the terms lads and lasses, it just sounds queer.

i liked your post till i read the last line then i unliked it....;0)

 

 

 

i like lads and lasses its better than sluts and man whores.....bring back the bonnie and the beatles and when gay actually meant colorful and happy..and queer meant just peculiar thinkin.......i need the tardis now.deb

[R3d]

My only thought would be that you just aren't putting yourself out there and asking girls out enough.

 

I recommend you watch the video in my signature, if that's the problem (even if it isn't).

[clia]

clia/PerfectStorm:

Well, where I live bars are full of prostitutes and higher class bars are usually for couples only.

 

Seriously? Where do you live, because where I am the bars are nothing like this. They are full of both single people and couples. There are lots of different types of bars also -- clubs, wine bars, breweries, lounges, etc. What types of places are you frequenting that are full of prostitutes????

 

Tinder? hahaha but no:)

 

Fine, but I have several friends who are in LTRs as a result of Tinder.

 

Im not very picky and usually I'm more interested and intrigued by the personality than the looks. I mean looks are important but not everything. Due to my long wroking hours I dont have much time to meet women. I go on 1 - 3 dates a year at best. I dont usually approach women much since some tend to have issues with brown skin color where I live (racistville I call it), and they will tell you in your face.

 

If you aren't approaching women much, are working long hours, and are only going on 1-3 dates a year, it shouldn't really be a mystery why you haven't met someone yet.

 

So, what are you willing to do to change your situation? You need to put yourself out there. Whether it's Meetup, OLD, Tinder, speed dating, volunteer work, sports groups, or other social groups in your city. And you need to start asking women out. You will never get a date if you don't ask women out. And you will never have a relationship if you don't get a date.

[Jackson1001]

sid3:

 

Also, try and avoid using the terms lads and lasses, it just sounds queer.

 

One word my friend, sarcasm.

 

Cila:

Bars are illegal where I live. I have to drive to another country every time (about 1.5 hours drive) I want to go to a bar. We have only single sex volunteer, sports , or social groups. Tinder is full of gold diggers who will not even talk to you until you send her phone credit.

 

Good news though! I just made a deal with a team and we are starting an expensive guitar course for beginners and I'm going to be a tutor, so I might get a lot of exposure this way.

 

Also I have a question, Did any of you read a book called The Game by Neil Strauss? I stumbled upon it last night while browsing online. It seems like a too good to be true kind of a thing

[preraph]

It's true that pretty much all the social media, but especially the ones more known for hookups have prostitutes or "golddiggers" trolling for business. And it's not just men that have to watch out for them. There are girls and women getting scammed by them and sending them money for some sob story as well. It's quite a racket. No one should ever give anyone money they haven't at least met a few times in person. And even then, why??