Why do women ignore me?

[oberkeat]

So, in my spare time, I've been doing a few activities where there are young, attractive women: the swimming pool, fitness classes, a graduate course I'm taking. I do these things not with the sole intent of meeting girls, but because they're things I enjoy doing, and maybe meeting a nice girl will be a natural bi-product of that. But I've hit a wall: no women seem to pay attention to me at these places. They don't strike up a conversation with me. Actually, I can't remember any of them even looking at me. They just pass by and there's no interaction whatsoever -- it's as if I'm invisible. I'm not sure what this means. It's not like I look like the elephant man or something.

Any thoughts or suggestions I could implement to stand out or invite girls to open up and initiate some interaction?

[kolleamm]

Are you in good physical shape? If not fix it. That's your best bet.

[Zeurich]

If you don't look like an elephant might be possible you look like an ant why do you think they might give you a look, why you cannot make a conversation like "Hi girl how ya?" or something. I think you might be waiting till the door it self opens with out knocking ?

[oberkeat]

Are you in good physical shape? If not fix it. That's your best bet.

 

I'm fit, but I doubt that's the issue. I see chubby guys all the time with women on their arm.

[normal person]

Men typically don't wait for women to talk to them. Men are usually the pursuers and women "wait around" to be pursued. My advice would be to talk about something circumstantial rather than personal. Just be cautious and not too forward: If they like you, it's welcomed. If they don't like you, it's creepy.

[GemmaUK]

Read up on body language and facial expressions as well.

 

I like a man to stand tall, slouching doesn't attract me. The difference can be a tiny change in posture but it makes so much difference.

Simple things like pressing your lips together can be due to feeling uneasy/shy but to others may look like contempt.

[preraph]

Well, Not the Elephant Man, even if none of them found you attractive, I believe that if you looked really casual, with an easy smile for everyone, not just centered on one girl, a nod and "hi" anytime you passed by someone (because I don't believe they're all looking down, but they might be, thanks to smartphones) that eventually people would start acknowledging you politely. And then if anyone was particularly stricken with your Not the Elephant Man looks or friendliness, something could develop.

 

Nothing whatsoever is going to happen if you are waiting for a girl to just for no reason come sweep you off your feet. You have to be open and approachable and just say hi to everybody. Don't be selective or you will look like a lech and then you WILL get roundly ignored. Talk to other guys there too.

[BlueIris]

There are lots of girls and women who never initiate conversations with boys and men they don’t know. There are women who will and do, but many who won’t and don’t. So don’t take it personally at all.

[carhill]

But I've hit a wall: no women seem to pay attention to me at these places.

 

Yep, the phase shift. It's like you're not in the same dimension.

They don't strike up a conversation with me.

Some will even make it exceedingly unpleasant if you try to talk to them. Yep.

Actually, I can't remember any of them even looking at me

You're not in the same dimension so you're invisible to them. They're not being rude because, to them, you're not there.

They just pass by and there's no interaction whatsoever -- it's as if I'm invisible.

Yep, I remember this with my exW. Had to whack her with a 2x4 to get her attention.

I'm not sure what this means. It's not like I look like the elephant man or something.

 

No, not grotesque, simply invisible. IMO,

by the incomparable Fred Ebb explains it well. However, watch how he captivates Liza Minnelli and Chita Rivera; no small accomplishment.

 

As far as advice, I really have none. I tried all that 'stuff' about externals, success, standing out, getting noticed and the main thing it did was make me a more well-rounded person. IMO, it boils down to this. Be attractive and don't be unattractive.

 

Oh, yeah, having a sense of humor helps. Got me married, for awhile anyway. Good luck

[Mysterio]

My advice is to be conversational and let the women try to turn you into a date/BF. Don't be the sap giving away all your power. If they like you, they will come up with a way to invite you somewhere.

 

Take Toastmasters so your conversation can be effortless. I say if a woman is really into you. She is in your face.

[bene]

But I've hit a wall: no women seem to pay attention to me at these places. They don't strike up a conversation with me. Actually, I can't remember any of them even looking at me.

 

Don't wait around for women to start a conversation. Strike up a light and easy conversation yourself. You don't need to put too much effort into this, just be social and talk to people everywhere you go. If you are taking a course or go to the same gym, you already have something in common. If you can't think of a way to start a conversation you can just ask some practical question and go from there.

 

A lot of women are socialised not to approach men themselves. You can read a million advice columns that if a man is into a woman, he will make a move.

 

Also, speaking from my not so vast experience, it has never worked for me to go after a man myself (and by "going after" I don't mean throwing myself all over them but just initiating conversation, contacting them after dates etc). The guys who has had real interest in me have pursued me and didn't need a nudge to do so. And I don't follow some "rules" or play games, this is just my personal experience.