Should i just give up?

[potatopie]

Hello.

I don't even know where to start...

I'm a 24 year old male. I've never had a girlfriend.

I remember in the first year of High School i was socially awkward and kind of lived in my own bubble. The next years i started going out and making new friends. Even if things were getting better, High School years flew by, still no girlfriend, but i wasn't quite interested in a relationship back then.

 

Then college. It wasn't bad. Moved in a big city, met interesting people, graduated university and did all kinds of stuff i never did before.

But there was still no girl. Even though i went out quite a lot, the most i got was maybe a few kisses. Also got friendzoned by a girl i liked.

In the last year of uni, there was a girl in our group that i knew she liked me. Given the fact that college was coming to an end fast, after a night out with some friends, i took her to my place. She wanted to have sex. Even if i wasn't attracted to her at all, i wanted to have sex, just for the heck of losing my virginity. Foreplay went well i think, then.... i couldn't get it up. I felt ashamed. Was it because i drank before? Or maybe because i was not feeling attracted to her?

 

So i finished university two years ago and returned to my small hometown still as a dateless, sexless dude.

I don't even know what feels worse right now. Being single or still being a virgin? 24 y/o virgin. Not by choice.

 

I've reunited with two good old friends i knew before High School. They both have girlfriends, quite hot ones. We talked about what we've been doing all these years. Then one of them told us:

"hey, let me tell you a secret, i was scared because i thought i was going to become a daddy a month ago. The condom broke.''

Then the other one:''Oh, holy s**t, the same thing happened to me some time ago with my ex-girlfriend!'' Then they continued talking about this, while remained silent and try to think about something else.

There. How do you think i've felt?

Also, childhood friends. A bit younger than me. I used to bully them ocassionally when we were kids, haha. They are in long-term relationships now. Of course we(they) share experiences, complain or brag about their girlfriends.

There, the guys i used to pick on(in a friendly manner) when we were children now are more mature, fulfiled, and have acomplished more than i did.

 

From afar, i look like a fully grown man. I'm 24, i have an identity, well-defined hobbies which i can financially afford, a few close friends, a life of my own.

Because i'm still a virgin, or hadn't had any girlfriends, or both, i feel like a child. An old child, an underdeveloped person, an inferior creature, a freak. I feel like an outcast of this society, like a worthless piece of cr*p. I'm still mama's boy, even if i'm a lot taller and bigger than anyone in my family. Also about looks, i consider myself to be a little above average. I'm over 6 ft, more or less athletic body.

I still have some mild form of social anxiety when it comes to new people and surroundings, but i adapt myself quite quickly.

While it's so easy for most to find a relationship, to me it seems impossible. My best friend found a girlfriend not long ago, almost effortless.

Not to mention i was heartbroken not long ago. I've met a girl at some post-uni course. She was like no other. We had lots in common. Long story short, after knowing her better i asked her out, she said she had a boyfriend. Ok, no problem, i guess.

Later that evening she knew i went out. She was already there with her boyfriend. Even tho' she told me she had one, seeing her kissing and loving him and having a good time.... i was an emotional wreck. Truly heartbroken.

Next few days i couldn't eat. Felt powerless, lost weight. Suddenly the hobbies i loved became uninteresting. Enough.

I haven't seen her in almost 2 months, but i'm going to see her soon again at that post-uni course.

That's where i've lost my hope for finding a girl. Town is small, where i work, the youngest person is ten years older than me.

About virginity, i think i'll hire a prostitute pretty soon.

Given the fact that i'm 24 and nothing happened, should i just accept the fact that i'll not find anyone move on and stop searching? I'd still hope for a wonder, but i'm not sure.

I'm sorry for such a long story, thanks for not falling asleep reading my cr*p.

 

Jesus, I can't even believe what i've posted. I've just stepped on my dignity... oh well.

Edited June 4, 2014 by potatopie

[Potz4prez]

So, I'm pretty similar. Same high school experience. Same College experience. Didn't lose my virginity till I was 24 in Budapest. I haven't had sex again since then. I attribute all this to my social anxiety. While I get along with friends well enough, but I have a terrible time with romantic relationships... possibly due only to inexperience.

 

I only started actively dating 2 months ago... and there has been some good, bad and meh. All I can say is, any experience is good experience. It will help you realize what you need to work at, and what type of girl you really want to be with.

 

You really need to work on your emotional stability and self confidence however. A girl rejecting you should not get more than a laugh out of you.

I feel like your reaction to the girl with a boyfriend may have more to do with your emotional state than anything. You should sort out how you're feeling and assess if you need help to build yourself up.

 

Talk to someone about how you're feeling, get back into your hobbies, and stop obsessing over finding a girl. Remember that you're awesome, and you've only got one life, so make the most of it. Don't let your single-ness ruin the best years of your life.

[d0nnivain]

It seems like there were some women who liked you. So all is not lost.

 

 

You need a bit more confidence.

 

 

First everybody has a mild form of social anxiety. Everybody gets nervous. Everybody fears making a fool of themselves. Our fears are often waaaayyyy worse then the reality.

 

 

See if you can find a group called ToastMasters International around you. It's geared toward improving public speaking but can help with social anxiety. If you have the money take a Dale Carnegie class on making friends & social interaction; at the very least read the book How to Win Friends and Influence People.

 

 

Befriend your buddies GF. Ask those women if they can fix you up. They probably have tons of friends dying to meet a nice guy.

[R3d]

They probably have tons of friends dying to meet a bad guy.

 

ftfy

 

10 characters

[d0nnivain]

ftfy

 

10 characters

 

 

Why did you change what I said -- nice guy to bad guy?

 

 

What does "ftfy" mean?

[R3d]

Why did you change what I said -- nice guy to bad guy?

 

 

What does "ftfy" mean?

 

Fixed that for you.

[d0nnivain]

Fixed that for you.

 

 

Oh . . . ha ha -- not.

 

 

thanks for teaching me a new acronym, though.

[Imajerk17]

Interesting juxtaposition we got going on here. In a nearby thread (nearby at the time of my writing this anyway), there guys whining and whining about how their "women problems" would go away if only they were at least 5'10". And yet here we have a guy who is 6'+ who is having issues. I wish The Short Men of LS would stop by this thread.

 

Anyway OP, you're not a weirdo or a loser by any means. You've had a couple near-misses. I myself struggled through most of my 20s.

 

Sounds like you need to meet more girls to date. Have you tried online dating? At the very least you ought to end up meeting plenty of women. Good for you for putting yourself out there in the meanwhile.

Edited June 4, 2014 by Imajerk17

[potatopie]

Interesting juxtaposition we got going on here. In a nearby thread (nearby at the time of my writing this anyway), there guys whining and whining about how their "women problems" would go away if only they were at least 5'10". And yet here we have a guy who is 6'+ who is having issues.

Thanks for your responses.

Yup. Even though my phisical appearence is not bad(well, i'm not a male model, but i'm alright), there must be something else terribly wrong with me, which i'll have to find out.

I was shy at some point in my life but not anymore. I can tell you some of my flaws:

-overthinking and overanalyzing too much(''did i say something offensive, something not right, did i turn her off by saying something, what if'')

-when i've seen this girl with her boyfriend, i tried to look like i don't give a s**t, but it didn't work.( I've got a perfectly readable face. All my family members and some of my friends told me that. One can read ANYTHING on my face.) I tried to feel good, but at some point i almost collapsed.

-maybe i'm trying too hard. Even if shyness is a thing of the past, whenever i'm around a crush or i'm talking to her, i'm trying to expose my personality/qualities, when i should be probably leaving some mystery? This is stupid, i know. Again, i'm too worried if i'm saying the right things or not. ''Did i say something wrong, did i say something stupid, what if..... etc.''

Whenever i'm talking to other girls that i'm not interested in, i don't really have this problem.

[preraph]

Well, it sounds like you started shy and then now you have maybe bad self-esteem. Why don't you take the time to see a private therapist and just explore why that is and see if that doesn't help you get out of that. There's no magic pill for it, but understanding it can help.

[Targetlock]

Never give up, Never surrender you gain nothing from giving up and it is better to try and fail than never try at all. i know it can be hard, believe me i know but all good things in life take effort. chin up

[Disillusioned]

Sometimes having a girlfriend isn't all it's cracked up to be. I've had exactly 4 gfs in my life and I dumped all of them.

 

The 1st one was a blind date, met her way back in '87 when I was 19. All she wanted to do was smoke pot, go to concerts, and get into trouble with her 2 female friends.

 

The other 3 I met between 2010 and late 2011. Girlfriend #2 was the only one of them I thought was decent looking, but she was a control freak. #3 and #4 were both obese, not very attractive, and had anger issues.

 

Since then, TBH I haven't been trying very hard.

[Rar0]

Don't ever give up