Someone always has a friend that prefers not to date...

[irc333]

There's a couple of new women from Meetup I had met at a couple of the events.

 

One day, I was at a local restaurant with a female friend (don't worry, my female friend has a boyfriend, and they both happened to walk up right behind me and I was like "Wow, what a small world, nice to see you ladies here again!"

 

I kind of gravitated to one of the ladies, as we got to talking about how we were both natives to the state and talked about the old establishments and other places nostalgic of the area.

 

The woman that I gravitated towards had a great smile and seemed very pleasant and lady like, her other friend, though nice, was kind of abrasive, was into kind of redneck related activities (going muddin', NASCAR, etc) not my cup of tea.

 

Anyhow, I did befriend the redneck girl and I get to talking about her "Hey, is your friend single?" and she says, "Yeah, kind of ...on and off.."

 

Apparently her more pleasant smiled, lady-like friend wasn't a member of Meetup, and only attended as a +1 with her friend.

 

Anyhow, I told her about an event coming up that she might want to go to, and tried to talk her into encouraging her friend to join Meetup...as she's not even a member of the site.

 

She said, "WEll, I could, but she probably won't as she isn't into that kind of thing..."

 

I said said, jokingly, "Why, she afraid she might get hit on"

 

Though I was joking, she said, "Yeah, she gets hit on a lot as it is...she just has this 'way' about her"

 

Whatever that means. I guess some women have this "Way" about them?

 

Though, I have to admit, the woman in question is kind of average looking, but simply has a great smile and just looks overall like a pleasant person to be around...so maybe that's it?

 

Though her "muddin'" friend takes no issue with being a social butterfly, her friend does and isn't much for socializing much less dating.

 

I mentioned to her as it's kind of a shame, being the backwater, small town that we live in, you figured a woman would be motivated to date..she goes, "Yeah you'd think..."

 

Anyhow, she'll try to talk her friend into joining up, but chances aren't likely...and it is a shame.

 

It kind of goes to show how women these days aren't as motivated to date as much as men are. Do women, no matter how many men ask them out..would prefer to just sit at home and do nothing?

 

Why the walls or barriers need to go up? What causes a woman to completely avoid men altogether?

[Imajerk17]

I read this and all I am wondering....why didn't you just ask the woman you fancy out yourself then and there? Forgive me if this is off-topic but this is I think the question to be asking.

[kodakgirl]

I don't really see how ONE woman not wanting to date "goes to show how women these days aren't as motivated to date as men are." That's some pretty extreme generalizing there. One person does not reflect society. Nor do fifty. Or even a thousand.

 

No one has to date if they don't want to. Back in the day, sure, a lot of women did have to find someone to get married to even if they didn't want to, because there were very few other ways to support themselves. But now that isn't true. If you don't want to eat chocolate, you don't have to eat chocolate. If you don't want a cat, you don't have to get a cat. If you don't want a boyfriend, you don't have to look for a boyfriend. A lot of us like chocolate and cats and relationships, but some of us don't, and that's fine.

 

Her reasons are totally her own. Maybe she's had very unpleasant relationship experiences, maybe broken hearts and heaps of disappointment, and she does not want to go there again. Maybe her heart belongs to someone she isn't involved with and she hasn't been able to let go enough to date anyone else. Maybe she feels she tends to lose herself in relationships and wants to feel secure in knowing who she is before getting involved with someone again. Maybe she really likes being single. Dating can be scary and disappointing and painful. It takes a lot of commitment and hope to keep trying when you've faced the worst of it. If someone does not want to do it, trust that they know why.

[InnocentMan]

Sounds like the ugly one was interested in you and threw you a curve ball. It's a bit 'Dawson creek' to ask someones friend about them. Get it from the horses mouth next time.

[xxoo]

She obviously isn't avoiding men altogether. She was at this Meetup, and she talked to you, right?

 

If she gets hit on a lot, she obviously doesn't need to go to Meetups to meet men.

 

Also, not everyone likes groups. There are other ways to meet people, especially if she has a wide social network of girlfriends.

[MidwestUSA]

I'm not sure how you know that women who choose not to date are sitting at home doing nothing. Good god, there is so much else to do in life! Of course we will take down that barrier for the guy that floats our boat.

 

It sounds like redneck activities, as you call them, are perfectly suited to the backwater, small town you live in. Really, do you ever meet anyone whom you don't judge? 'The redneck girl' vs the 'more pleasant smiled, lady-like friend'. How would you describe yourself, if you were to use the terminology you apply to women you've just met?

[irc333]

Sounds like the ugly one was interested in you and threw you a curve ball. It's a bit 'Dawson creek' to ask someones friend about them. Get it from the horses mouth next time.

 

No, she wasn't interested in me and it's quite assumptive to say she's ugly? LOL I just happened to be familiar with the one you called "ugly" than her +1 at the Meetup.

[irc333]

Ironically, I've seen such a person post a Facebook saying where she doesn't have time for meaningless friendships, force interactions, or unnecessary conversations. Kind of sad to hear.

 

Of course this is coming from another woman who had been to only a couple of Meetups, but is interacting with a select couple of members of the group that she only deemed necessary to socialize with.

 

That being said there is the whole social anxiety that some people seem to suffer as well, so that could be it.

 

I recall some people being in these towns being referred to as "townies" that tend to spend time with their extended relatives or people they went to grammar school/church with since they were little kids. They aren't open to NEW friendships, it makes them uncomfortable as it involves change in their lives.

 

To speak generally, I know quite a few people that join Meetups, but only wind up being completely unsociable when the arrive at events. In these smaller communities, I think people have become so embedded into the small town mentality that they are actually fearful of change in their lives.

[Teraskas]

/raisehand.

Ironically, he is also my best friend and the only one who still bothers to meet up, despite the fact that the 4 others are so invested in their girlfriends, lol.