Unable to form relationships

[Just_c]

Hi there,

 

I'm a 26 year old male and have never had a relationship longer than 6 months. After doing some research, I have come to the conclusion that I have a fearful-avoidant attachment type. This would seem logical because when ever i like a girl i start to get afraid and micro analyse all of my own and her actions to the point where i become confused and unable to control my own behaviour. I become terrified of rejection and that i will lose her and my moods solely depend on how much attention she gives me and i constantly need to be validated by her. My confidence also begins to suffer and i get feels of inadequacy, paranoia and jealousy. 100 percent of the time this results in rejection or me pulling away.

 

On the other end of the scale if a girl gets too close too soon i feel claustrophobic and start to repel her, i eventually lose interest all together and stop replying to texts and phone calls until she goes away.

 

This is a vicous cylce that never seems to end, and all though im not desparate for a relationship right now and am happy going with the flow, it would be nice to know that i could maybe find love someday and be happy with that part of my life.

 

Any advice on how to fix this would be greatly appreciated! Thank you.

[Itspointless]

Therapy, a good therapist and an open mind. It seems you have made the first and most important step, see and acknowledge what is going on.

[Chalkdust89]

Do you have any things in your life that you do just by yourself? If I understand correctly, I've struggled with similar issues before - I'd always let my relationships consume my life but get very wary of people who tried to get close to me (I think you're spot on with the term claustrophobic). I, too, am very over analytical about, well, pretty much everything. After my last relationship ended, I decided to take up some new hobbies and focus on myself for awhile. If you get into some things that you really enjoy, carry that to your next relationship so you can both have your own lives outside of each other. It might help you channel some of that extra thinking energy into more productive things and keep you from focusing so much on subtleties of your relationships that aren't really there (and keep you from getting too clingy). It might also help you build some confidence!

[Just_c]

Do you have any things in your life that you do just by yourself? If I understand correctly, I've struggled with similar issues before - I'd always let my relationships consume my life but get very wary of people who tried to get close to me (I think you're spot on with the term claustrophobic). I, too, am very over analytical about, well, pretty much everything. After my last relationship ended, I decided to take up some new hobbies and focus on myself for awhile. If you get into some things that you really enjoy, carry that to your next relationship so you can both have your own lives outside of each other. It might help you channel some of that extra thinking energy into more productive things and keep you from focusing so much on subtleties of your relationships that aren't really there (and keep you from getting too clingy). It might also help you build some confidence!

Thanks for the advice, i think you are right about needing to find new hobbies. A lot of my interests have been based around social interactions with other people. I think if i could ind some more solitary passions which enable me to focus my thoughts and attentions onto something els then it would potentially stop me from over thinking micro details that don't actually matter.

 

Thanks again!

[TaraMaiden]

And THERAPY!! Don't forget the therapy!!