Found My Childhood Sweetheart After 25 Years

[TheSpokesman]

This is kind of a new thing for me. It's my first post on a forum like this. I joined the forum because I just kinda needed to talk to someone about this situation. Thanks for listening.

 

When I was in fifth grade I had my first real girlfriend. She was a real cutie. My first date, my first kiss. We we just inseparable. Then my mother and stepdad divorced and we moved to a town about thirty miles away. I was crushed. But my sweetheart did everything she could to keep the relationship alive. She even spent a weekend over at our house. Both sets of parents were very supportive of our friendship and, well, it was different in those days. At least it was for us. We were raised by good folks and behaved ourselves. Besides, we were only in fifth grade! Anyway, the weekend ended and we took her back home. I never guessed that would be the last time I saw her for 25 years.

 

We lost touch and it was my own stupid fault. I stopped calling and time just slipped away. But there was never a week that went by that I didn't think about her and wish I had my friend back. After I graduated I began to try and find her again. I had no luck and would give up for awhile only to start again. Pretty soon 10 years had passed and I found out through the grapevine she was married and had kids. I knew where her parents lived but couldn't bring myself to go by there. I think I was scared of making any trouble for her or disrupting her life. I carried her fifth grade picture in my wallet all those years and kept little mementos of our friendship like postcards and notes.

 

No matter how much time went by I couldn't forget about her and about three weeks ago I just decided it was time to try and reach her mom. I located her mom on Facebook and she put my in touch with this special girl. Suddenly, after 25 years I am talking to my childhood sweetheart again. It feels so surreal, like a dream really. It was as if all those years just faded into nothing and we talked so easy and comfortable with one another. In the few weeks that we have been reconnected our feelings have grown. We talk everyday and send each other multiple emails. It's the greatest feeling I've had in my entire life.

 

She sent me some new pictures and I decided to replace the one in my wallet. It just fell to pieces with age when I took it out. That was painful! But I'm so glad that I didn't have to leave this world without telling her how much she meant to me.

 

The thing is, she's still married. It is, by even her mom's account, an abusive relationship. It hurts so bad to know that I missed my chance and could've spared her any pain. But, I've missed my chance no matter how much I would like to rescue her from her troubles. As bad as I would like to share my life with her, I only want her happiness.

 

Should I just bow out gracefully and keep in touch from time to time? Should I continue our daily contact? I don't know what to do. It is emotionally confusing. All I know is that even if I can't be with her she knows how much she meant to me all these years.

 

Has anyone dealt with anything like this before? Any advice would be appreciated. I'm a good guy. I want to do the right thing.

[thegoodlife]

I'm only 21 years old, so I certainly don't have much life experience/relationship experience and I'm not the best person to give advice on this. Maybe you can find more responses in the Marriage & Life Partnerships section?

 

But here's my 2 cents:

 

Normally I would see no problem in childhood friends reconnecting later in life, but since there are feelings re-emerging and she is still married, I think you need to do the right thing and bow out. The fact that she is unhappily married, and it's an abusive relationship really has nothing to do with you, that's between her and her husband. I can understand the feeling of wanting to be her knight in shining armor and save her from all of this, but the truth is the only person that can save her is herself. She sounds like she has enough on her plate as it is, and she definitely doesn't need an emotional affair to confuse her even more.

 

She now knows how you felt all these years, so even if nothing more comes of it, you can move on feeling at peace with that.

 

Abusive relationship or not, she's still married and if your relationship to her cannot be strictly platonic then it should not be happening.

 

Good luck with everything.

[TroyNJ]

I'm only 21 years old, so I certainly don't have much life experience/relationship experience and I'm not the best person to give advice on this. Maybe you can find more responses in the Marriage & Life Partnerships section?

 

But here's my 2 cents:

 

Normally I would see no problem in childhood friends reconnecting later in life, but since there are feelings re-emerging and she is still married, I think you need to do the right thing and bow out. The fact that she is unhappily married, and it's an abusive relationship really has nothing to do with you, that's between her and her husband. I can understand the feeling of wanting to be her knight in shining armor and save her from all of this, but the truth is the only person that can save her is herself. She sounds like she has enough on her plate as it is, and she definitely doesn't need an emotional affair to confuse her even more.

 

She now knows how you felt all these years, so even if nothing more comes of it, you can move on feeling at peace with that.

 

Abusive relationship or not, she's still married and if your relationship to her cannot be strictly platonic then it should not be happening.

 

Good luck with everything.

 

Your wise beyond your years young man! OP should not distract this Girl at all..IF her marriage ends and she contacts him it's all good. People must lean not to be selfish.

[You'reasian]

The thing is, she's still married. It is, by even her mom's account, an abusive relationship. It hurts so bad to know that I missed my chance and could've spared her any pain. But, I've missed my chance no matter how much I would like to rescue her from her troubles. As bad as I would like to share my life with her, I only want her happiness.

 

Bow out.

 

She's married.

 

Tell her you're glad that the two of you were able to re-connect and that you'd like to keep in touch as friends.

 

PS - if a woman has relics of hers that make it "appear" she's still married, be her friend but nothing more...

[thegoodlife]

Your wise beyond your years young man!

 

Young woman, and thank you!

[2sunny]

i vote for contact a few times a year. anything more and you will be a distraction to her marriage. doesn't matter how bad that is... she has chosen it and as long as she's married then you need to leave her with as much time to her M instead of being her distraction from that unhealthy life.

 

if you pursue on a daily basis - you are likely to become the Other Man. are you married yourself?

 

time will tell how she deals with the marriage. if she concludes to end the marriage - then if you are single - THAT would be the appropriate time to step in and have more contact... AFTER her divorce is final.

 

if you stay in contact in the meantime - you may end up playing an unhealthy role for her... the rescuer... the doormat...the guy i dump all my problems on.

[kostoronto]

I agree with 2sunny. You should maintain enough contact to let her know she has a better option, but not enough contact that you become her personal therapist.

[Mary3]

I'm only 21 years old, so I certainly don't have much life experience/relationship experience and I'm not the best person to give advice on this. Maybe you can find more responses in the Marriage & Life Partnerships section?

 

But here's my 2 cents:

 

Normally I would see no problem in childhood friends reconnecting later in life, but since there are feelings re-emerging and she is still married, I think you need to do the right thing and bow out. The fact that she is unhappily married, and it's an abusive relationship really has nothing to do with you, that's between her and her husband. I can understand the feeling of wanting to be her knight in shining armor and save her from all of this, but the truth is the only person that can save her is herself. She sounds like she has enough on her plate as it is, and she definitely doesn't need an emotional affair to confuse her even more.

 

She now knows how you felt all these years, so even if nothing more comes of it, you can move on feeling at peace with that.

 

Abusive relationship or not, she's still married and if your relationship to her cannot be strictly platonic then it should not be happening.

 

Good luck with everything.

 

 

Amazing heartfelt advice from a 21 year old Thank you !

[samsungxoxo]

How sweet that you finally found her after all those years and had an old picture of her. That's such a beautiful encounter. Anyways I think you should keep in touch with her, don't lose that friendship but do remind yourself that she is married. However just because she is married doesn't mean your friendship has to end, keep being her friend.

[oscakool]

My advise for guys is to not ever dwell on the past and what could have been. We all have regrets. It's part of life. Keep her as a friend but don't try to "get" her. Go out and meet some new girls and enjoy life. Be happy for what you have in life. It's better than living in a swamp in Africa.