Emack Posted May 8, 2006 Share Posted May 8, 2006 My boyfriend and I are both 24. We met in college and dated all 4 years. I moved to go to graduate school, we broke up...that whole "what do I do w/my life " thing..it was his decision to break up. I was heartbroken to say the least. Fast forward months later...he moves to the town where I am in graduate school and we get back together after he pleads and begs and says he's "figured everything out and knows he wants me in his life forever". We get back together and everything is awesome, better than ever. HE brings up the subject of marriage 2 months into us getting back together. We look at rings, wedding sites..the whole thing. We are both so excited..and I"m ecstatic. He even asks my parents for 'my hand'. I knew he was going to 'ask' me around December. Well, after Thanksgiving he sits me down and says that he loves me but is not ready to get married. I flip out, "why did you change your mind?..you don't take a girl to try on engagement rings and let her pick out bridesmaids dresses and then say 'just kidding..not yet'!" I decide I'm not exactly 100% ready to get 'married' either. Fast forward to current day. Here are the stats: we've been 'together' since 2000. As of last week when we talked about it he 'didn't know WHEN he would be ready to get married'. He is the only one of his buddies that is w/a serious girlfriend. He's still in the party mode. (and I am too somewhat...but not like he is). I'm ready to move on to the next phase. Not getting married..but he could at least give me a ring! I'll wait two years to marry him...I just want the commitment he's offered me and then jerked away from me back. We love each other very much. We cannot live w/out each other...but we live very independent lives. On the weekends he is w/his 'guys' pretty much all the time..I'm never invited..which is fine. I don't know what to do...is he , the love of my life just jerking my chain?? What do I do??? I need some advice. I'm open to all your comments Link to post Share on other sites
tikigods Posted May 8, 2006 Share Posted May 8, 2006 Sounds like you are stuck with a guy with a peter pan complex. He still sees himself as young and sees his friends running around having a good time without an "old lady" back at home. I think that until this guy grows up then you won't see a ring on that finger, now its up to you to decide if thats okay with you, cause it could be years till he is done having fun. Link to post Share on other sites
Mirage222 Posted May 8, 2006 Share Posted May 8, 2006 I would go about your life happily as is. Don't bring it up to him anymore because that can just push him further away from your dream of marriage. If he cannot commit after all this time or does not know if your the one he wants to marry/spend his life with by now then I think it is time for you to make other arrangements. I am going through this too, my guy is 36 though and "not ready" .. when he says this, my thought is.. he is not commited to me like I am to him. He wants me as a girlfriend, nothing more though. So, although I am still with him and love him dearly I go about my life a bit differenty now. I don't involve him in all my future plans... because, he is not including me in his.. so ya see, it is not about your ages, it is about knowing what you want and feeling that ever lasting love for eachother. You've been together a hell of a long time now .. your boyfriend SHOULD KNOW by now. It is not normal nor healthy for him not to know his feelings for you after all this time past. Link to post Share on other sites
Walk Posted May 11, 2006 Share Posted May 11, 2006 I know you feel hurt and as though he let you down in this, but I think he made a really grown up decision to delay getting married. I'm not sure I can write my thoughts very clearly on this, but I'll try. First, people change a lot between 24 and 30. He may just be slower to mature than you are. Second, although an ultimatum might work on your bf to get him to marry you, it won't work in the long run. It causes resentment, animosity. I'm sure that's not how you want to begin your married life. Getting married isn't the goal, having the best relationship you can, is. Whether that's signified through marriage, or through personally exhanged promises of treating the other person with respect and integrity. Third, can he freely discuss all his thoughts on this without making you upset, or having you accuse him of not wanting to marry you, or for not loving you? Obviously you need to decide if you can be happy in life without getting married for several years, or ever. And if it's that important to you, then definitely stand your ground. But be careful of placing him in a position of being forced into an area he's not mentally ready for yet. You won't be benifited if he makes this decision out of fear of losing you, rather than an independent desire to announce his commitment to the world. Link to post Share on other sites
JaneyGirl Posted May 21, 2006 Share Posted May 21, 2006 You're so right. It's about being happy and loved, not about marriage. Marriage needs to be viewed in the context of those greater goals. And all that other stuff you said - right on. And hey, 24 is young, so look on the bright side - you can certainly afford to just leave it alone for awhile and see how you feel. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 honestly i think u should find a man that appreciates you and that is on the same level as u. it sounds like he is not ready to get married and his maturity level actually sounds like its more of a 19 year old. i say drop him like a bad habit...u sound like u two are to comfortable with each other which is why u stay together. u live seperate lives and u dont even see him on the weekends. why even date? Link to post Share on other sites
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