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Whats best for the Kids? Marriage or Common Law


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Old 14th January 2017, 5:21 PM   #1
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Whats best for the Kids? Marriage or Common Law

I have friends that are married/oommon-law. What do you think is the best for the kids.

Having parents that are common -law to each other. Or married to each other.

2 couples lest call A/B. A are common-law but the woman is separated from her ex, not divorced. Couple B are common-law, but neither has previous marriage. Couple B the man has said to me the only reason he has not married is because the woman does not want to take his last name. She wants to be independent. I could be getting the story mixed up, but thats what I recall. Couple A the man says he would love to get married, but the woman in Couple A. Her ex is slowing down the process and not signing paper work etc.

I don't know why. I feel like Children belong in a relationship with couple that is married. The Common law thing works when there is not kids. I feel like if the Common Law's have any problems. They will throw in the towels before the Married couple.

All my married couple friends, who are close to me. They seem really stable. Couple B in the common-law seems stable as well. Its Couple A-Common-Law that seems unstable.

From what I have seen with friends and family around me and my age group. If I meet a woman. Get her pregnant under yr 2 of being together. Don't get married. I will be broken up with her. As opposed to going out for 2 yrs. Don't get pregnant. Have a baby in yr 4. I will be more solid.

So what is it about Marriage that defeats common-law.
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Old 14th January 2017, 6:16 PM   #2
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The thing which is best for children is commitment by the parents. Both marriage and common law can equally be undermined by lack of commitment. And let's face it, marriage is very easy to end in most countries these days.
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Old 14th January 2017, 9:15 PM   #3
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A commitment to the kids is the first thing. I have friends that have kids in common law and marriage.

Seems to me like in the Marriage couple. The kids have more to their lives. One Common Law couple is on the right path. The other Common Law couple have the ex in the background preventing them from being married, because he does not want to sign certain papers.
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Old 14th January 2017, 9:22 PM   #4
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A commitment to the kids is the first thing. I have friends that have kids in common law and marriage.
Ah yes, commitment to the kids is important too.

We may be 25 years defacto, but our commitment to providing our kids with a solid family unit is absolute.

To be honest, the commitment we've made to be there together for our kids is stronger than the commitment I made (and walked away from) in a previous marriage.
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Old 15th January 2017, 8:15 AM   #5
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2 couples lest call A/B. A are common-law but the woman is separated from her ex, not divorced.
People really need to understand Common Law marriages better. Common Law marriages are LEGAL marriages. If the law where the couple live allows Common Law marriage and the couple meets the requirements, they are married under the law.

If the woman in your above example is legally married to another man, she CANNOT be Common Law married to anyone else. In other words, they're just living together.
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Old 15th January 2017, 9:23 AM   #6
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What's best for the kids, is growing up in a stable home with two parents who love them.

I don't think as far as the kids are concerned, being married or common law makes a difference.

As long as the couple themselves are happy with not being married, it's fine.

Quite often the problem is that one may want marriage and the other doesn't. It's usually the woman who wants marriage and in some cases when she finds out that no proposal is forthcoming, she leaves to start over.

So now, the children end up being between 2 homes.

Where a couple stay together long term with children, there's no difference than where the couple was married.
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Old 15th January 2017, 9:48 AM   #7
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It depends on if the two parents are both happy being common law compared to being married.

If one person isn't okay with the arrangement then their unhappiness will flow through.
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Old 15th January 2017, 9:50 AM   #8
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Common Law Marriage Fact Sheet ? Unmarried Equality

Being married or not is mainly a financial issue. If both partner are financially well off, there probably isnt much difference. If not, being married helps to protect the kids should something happen to either parent.

Last edited by Whodatdog; 15th January 2017 at 9:52 AM..
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Old 15th January 2017, 7:58 PM   #9
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Married...duh.
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Old 15th January 2017, 8:01 PM   #10
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My dear Mysterio, you could always use a condom while you're having sex with your girlfriend until you prescribed time limit has elapsed.
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Old 16th January 2017, 11:37 AM   #11
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Originally Posted by basil67 View Post
The thing which is best for children is commitment by the parents. Both marriage and common law can equally be undermined by lack of commitment. And let's face it, marriage is very easy to end in most countries these days.
Certainly agree, in a historical context, divorce is easier to obtain today.

But that doesn't stop me from feeling marriage often acts as the last line of defense, the last little bit of glue holding a couple together when times get really tough. There's something about knowing you can't just throw your stuff in the back of your truck and leave, there's a legal process you'd have to surmount. And for whatever small extra increment of stability marriage provides the kids involved, it should be insisted on by the partners.

I understand not everyone feels this way...

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Old 17th January 2017, 3:16 AM   #12
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I guess one would have to track stats to see what the difference between the two with regards to reasonable stability with kids in terms of behaviour.

Marriage is a lot more of a stabalizing factor than people think. I have yet to see the Common law couple plan surprise B-days and really act very loving towards each other.

I look at my friends. Male/Female in Cohab/Marriage couplings. The Marrieds always come off as calm and chill. The Cohabs, except for one couple always feel like they are going to go off the rails.

I go with what is the best situation. I think this way.

Meet/Date go out for at least 2 yrs. Always have protection when having sex. Maybe one year of cohabing and getting engaged in yr 3. Marry in yr 4. Thats the way it is in my mind for a stable romantic relationship. Always have affection and at least have date night 2 times a week, to keep the spark alive.
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Old 31st January 2017, 5:26 PM   #13
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You're planning too much. May I suggest the organic way of living life?
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Old 2nd February 2017, 12:39 PM   #14
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Committed parents is first.

After that, it depends on your local laws. Don't think this is a one-size-fits-all situation.
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Old 2nd February 2017, 1:43 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mysterio View Post
I guess one would have to track stats to see what the difference between the two with regards to reasonable stability with kids in terms of behaviour.

Marriage is a lot more of a stabalizing factor than people think. I have yet to see the Common law couple plan surprise B-days and really act very loving towards each other.

I look at my friends. Male/Female in Cohab/Marriage couplings. The Marrieds always come off as calm and chill. The Cohabs, except for one couple always feel like they are going to go off the rails.

I go with what is the best situation. I think this way.

Meet/Date go out for at least 2 yrs. Always have protection when having sex. Maybe one year of cohabing and getting engaged in yr 3. Marry in yr 4. Thats the way it is in my mind for a stable romantic relationship. Always have affection and at least have date night 2 times a week, to keep the spark alive.
Anecdotal evidence is not compelling. I could easily select couples from my experience where the situation is the reverse.
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