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Wedding Planning Ultimate Thread


Getting Married Cold feet to pre-marital stressors--the place to discuss all the issues that come with saying "I do."

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Old 13th August 2017, 1:02 PM   #46
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Just under two months to go and it's...done? Mostly? I mean, all that's left to do at this point is get the families together the night before (at my parents' home) and make thank-you gift bags for our vendors. This is fine. We have been much too busy with the house to care about wedding planning anyway. But when I glanced at the automatically generated wedding checklist TheKnot provided I see how much absurd BS I'm supposed to be caring about.

"Order small wedding favors for guests." Uh, no. Upwards of 75% of wedding favors are left behind because they're useless junk. We are feeding them foie gras and rare bay crab; I think we're good.
"Start your pre-wedding facial appointments." Are you kidding me? The only facials I'm getting are blasts of polyurethane and paint thinner.
"Make your first tooth whitening appointment." That is $600. You know what else I can get for $600? A proper industrial nail gun and air compressor.

I had my second dress fitting yesterday and it is looking great. But the more I look at it the more aware I am that it's just a damn dress, like any other dress, and all this wedding stuff is pure silliness. I am glad we aren't doing anything overly complicated because I wouldn't be able to handle it on top of reframing a closet.

This installment's cost breakdown:
Tux for my fella - $599
Suspenders - $69
Dress shirt - $110
His shoes - $250
Domain re-registration: $17
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Old 13th August 2017, 1:52 PM   #47
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lana-banana View Post
"Order small wedding favors for guests." Uh, no. Upwards of 75% of wedding favors are left behind because they're useless junk. We are feeding them foie gras and rare bay crab; I think we're good.
How did I just find this thread? I'm so happy for you

I agree that wedding favors are overrated. The only good wedding favor I have ever received was a bag of M&Ms. Seriously, who wants a candle with someone else's wedding date on it?
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Old 16th August 2017, 5:45 PM   #48
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As I've mentioned, we are having one dance at the wedding. On our first date when the conversation got a little awkward he pulled me close and suddenly started slow-dancing with me. He's continued to do this throughout our relationship, especially when I'm sad or stressed. About half the time he'll also sing one particular song. One of my fiance's many hidden talents is his voice; I remember being startled the first time I heard him sing. I love listening to him sing, and I love what that song has come to mean for us, so when it came time to pick music for our one dance I knew it automatically.

The problem is I now feel a sentimental attachment to this song that is stronger than superglue. As soon as the opening progression plays I start to cry. Maybe it's just because I'm alone on a business trip and still have eight days before I see him again, but I put it on and bawled like the world was ending. I love this man so much it hurts.

I need to start listening to this song so I don't ugly-cry like a fiend at my own wedding party, although that will almost certainly happen anyway. But it should at least wait until after my dance.

(And in case you're wondering what it is...now you know. RIP to The King.)
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Last edited by lana-banana; 16th August 2017 at 6:58 PM..
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Old 11th September 2017, 7:49 PM   #49
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Twenty-six days to go. Our to-do list on the house is winding down--not that we're anywhere approaching done, but we should have the master bedroom finished by the party date, and that is a big achievement. He has been sawing, nailing, and working like crazy. I am in charge of sanding and painting. We spend a lot of time covered in dust.

I am a bit under the goal weight for my dress, so that's fine. I'm not really worried about it but will probably be all salads for the last week. (The fact that I was so stressed about being two pounds heavier than normal should give you an idea of how consistent my weight is.)

The rest of my beauty routine, well, uh, I guess I should try one. See anyone have recommendations for tooth whitening? I drink herbal tea all day long and it stains a bit. I thought about springing for the laser stuff at the dentist but c'mon, that is money that could go to the house or the honeymoon.

I've been having a lot of pseudo-panic about the direction of my life lately---I have flashbacks to people I knew as a kid, jobs I didn't get, decisions I made, etc, and I feel overwhelmed with how many things could have been that weren't. I'm not upset at all, just stunned at how many things had to work out (and not work out) for me to be here, now, today, standing with the man who became the love of my life. I have a lot more respect for how arbitrary and strange life is. There were millions of possibilities for me, but by a combination of luck, the decisions of others, and all my best and worst traits, I'm here. It's very humbling.
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Old 12th September 2017, 12:47 PM   #50
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Hey Lana, congrats! Sounds like you have it all under control.

For the teeth, a regular dental cleaning should take care of any staining. Plus, you'll know your mouth and teeth are healthy. And it won't cost $600.

Best wishes to you and your fiance!
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Old 13th September 2017, 6:35 PM   #51
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Wow - getting close !!

Pseudo-panic is normal, pretty much before any event that you consider important. You probably experienced similar stuff before graduation, house buying etc, no? I think the more challenging part is the post-event dip, but you'd be honeymooning so fingers crossed this won't even be a thing

For the teeth whitening: Crest White strips do the job and you pay 1/10 of the in-office treatment for similar result (after laser treatment the teeth are whiter *initially* due to enamel dehydration). Oh, and drink tea/coffee/wine with a straw before the wedding so you don't reintroduce stains

For weight: girl, 1-2 pounds?? At least for me +/- 10 pounds are not affecting dress size a notch (possibly because I'm taller though). 2 pounds you can lose easily for the occasion with sauna the day before. Obviously not permanently but if you need to...

For other beauty routine: I think not enough time to change things - stick to what works! (because new cosmetics etc sometimes turns sour - allergies/sensitivities you want to avoid on all costs). Deep hair conditioning will be nice, maybe a facial NOW so the skin has time to recover if it gets irritated (3 weeks is perfect). What else... Waxing? Mani/pedi once now, once right before... You know, you'll look great in any case Beauty stuff is all for us to feel in control, I'm sure you'd be radiant because you'll be very happy to be the bride
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Old 14th September 2017, 5:10 AM   #52
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Wow, thanks to you both for the good advice! And thank you very much for the point about beauty and control; I had never considered that before. So why am I as a control freak so disinterested in beauty? Maybe because I'm not confident I'll succeed at it. I can lift weights all day long but feel nervous about touching eyeliner.

The post-wedding blues is another interesting point. I spend at most twenty minutes per day thinking about it. Yes, I'm very excited, but it's essentially just a big, gourmet food and drink party with an expensive dress. My coworker is also getting married soon but he is having a traditional Catholic wedding with a full Mass and hundreds of guests. He spent a half-hour yesterday just complaining about bridesmaids.

At the end it's only as stressful as you make it, and the less you try to do, the less there is to worry about. I am far more concerned about flight delays with the honeymoon and so on. I know I won't be depressed when I come back because we have a new project awaiting us: the living room! Time to plaster, sand and scrape, paint and polish, all over again...
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Old 15th September 2017, 1:23 PM   #53
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I think we just tend to focus on things we're best at because they are the best confidence boosters. For you is lifting weights, for someone else could be winged eyeliner Final effect: the same - feeling better about ourselves!

It is awesome to have a housing project aligned for the post-honeymoon time I think the blues comes from having less to do - you'd definitely avoid that! Btw your house project sounds epic - are you remaking every room from scratch? I admit my patience didn't get that far... Slowly fixing stuff here and there and whining about it

The honeymoon must be the most exciting part! The party is more for the guests but the honeymoon is personal I'm looking forward to reading updates!
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Old 21st September 2017, 1:23 PM   #54
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Sixteen days. Do you ever feel your appetite getting out of control? Tell yourself "I have to put on a wedding dress in sixteen days." I'm at a fine size and still don't feel very motivated to eat. Even so, I'm in charge of weeknight cooking at our house, and I've been fixing the man a veritable feast: pork tenderloin, lentil stew, roasted root vegetables, socca, crepes, etc. Fall is my favorite season for cooking.

I got LASIK last week and it's the best decision I've ever made for myself, maybe even better than my IUD. If you don't wear contacts or glasses you don't understand how liberated you are. Now I can work out, walk around, and go to sleep without having to take anything off or out. Contacts are convenient, but they're also expensive and the frustration of wearing them during allergy season is a notorious struggle. But it's over now! I can enjoy my honeymoon without bringing anything but a little vial of eyedrops.

The night before we are having a "family dinner" in lieu of a rehearsal dinner (we're at a bar, there's nothing to rehearse!). It will be an opportunity for our immediate families to meet, which frankly scares the crap out of me. My fiancÚ's parents had a VERY acrimonious divorce; they did not speak for years until his sister's wedding, when they exchanged two sentences without looking at each other. I do not know how they'll fare around a single dining table in my parent's very small home. And did I mention his sister's husband thinks the moon landing was staged? It's gonna be a heck of a time.

My fiancÚ wants to do a three-day juice cleanse starting Sunday. We both know that cleanses are silly pseudoscientific woo, but it's an appealing idea in some ways, and I have enough low-sugar, low-carb juice recipes that I think we can do this in a healthy way. But I also secretly think he won't last a day without coffee. We'll see.
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Old 21st September 2017, 2:22 PM   #55
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Yay for LASIK. Just curious: how does it affect the ability to play sports? I heard it is not recommended for athletes but the technology may have advanced.

For juicing... Just don't get anorexic because of 'a fancy party with an expensive dress' as you called it yourself. As you know probably better than me, juicing has no tangible benefits (unless you're binging on junk food in your 'regular' days but you're not)... You'd basically lose poop weight and dehydrate a little at the very best...


Quote:
Originally Posted by lana-banana View Post
Sixteen days. Do you ever feel your appetite getting out of control? Tell yourself "I have to put on a wedding dress in sixteen days." I'm at a fine size and still don't feel very motivated to eat. Even so, I'm in charge of weeknight cooking at our house, and I've been fixing the man a veritable feast: pork tenderloin, lentil stew, roasted root vegetables, socca, crepes, etc. Fall is my favorite season for cooking.

I got LASIK last week and it's the best decision I've ever made for myself, maybe even better than my IUD. If you don't wear contacts or glasses you don't understand how liberated you are. Now I can work out, walk around, and go to sleep without having to take anything off or out. Contacts are convenient, but they're also expensive and the frustration of wearing them during allergy season is a notorious struggle. But it's over now! I can enjoy my honeymoon without bringing anything but a little vial of eyedrops.

The night before we are having a "family dinner" in lieu of a rehearsal dinner (we're at a bar, there's nothing to rehearse!). It will be an opportunity for our immediate families to meet, which frankly scares the crap out of me. My fiancÚ's parents had a VERY acrimonious divorce; they did not speak for years until his sister's wedding, when they exchanged two sentences without looking at each other. I do not know how they'll fare around a single dining table in my parent's very small home. And did I mention his sister's husband thinks the moon landing was staged? It's gonna be a heck of a time.

My fiancÚ wants to do a three-day juice cleanse starting Sunday. We both know that cleanses are silly pseudoscientific woo, but it's an appealing idea in some ways, and I have enough low-sugar, low-carb juice recipes that I think we can do this in a healthy way. But I also secretly think he won't last a day without coffee. We'll see.
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Old 21st September 2017, 3:52 PM   #56
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An excellent question! There is a similar procedure to LASIK called PRK that is used for athletes of contact sports (I work out very hard but no contact), law enforcement, and people with thin or unusual corneas. It takes longer to recover and is more painful, but the net effect is the same. My coworker just had PRK and is very happy with the results.

Honestly I think the chief benefit of a juice cleanse is psychological. If it gets us more relaxed and focused on what we're consuming, that's fine. And I'm sorta jazzed to not have to clean the kitchen for a few days.
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Old 21st September 2017, 4:07 PM   #57
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remember to breathe

At different points during the day try to take a step back & observe. Look at the details. Savor the moments.

With the blur that is your wedding day, these moments will become some of the clearest in your memory.

Best wishes!
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Old 27th September 2017, 8:42 AM   #58
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Ten days to go.

My paternal grandfather was in a car accident on Monday. I don't know much about his condition, since my dad didn't have any news to report and said he would update us when he did. (The banana family is very stoic that way.) Granddaddy wasn't coming to the wedding, as he and Grandmamma are 91 and past the point where they can travel safely, but I was hoping to see them again soon. They have been my role models my whole life. Grandmamma taught me how to cook and even now she paints, sews, and does calculus for fun. I got my grandfather's introversion and quietly determined nature. There's no telling what will happen, but Granddaddy is one of the toughest people I've ever had the privilege to know. Get well soon, sir.

My friend who was supposed to cook our family dinner can't make it since he's working and won't get a flight up until the morning of the event. So we bought food from our favorite barbecue place; it's going to be divine. I'm still nervous about whether his parents will be able to spend time in the same room comfortably. It's been ten years and they won't even make eye contact.

I'm legitimately excited now, although it's mostly for the honeymoon. I don't like hyping up anything too much in my mind and by training I am used to finding potential faults in things, so all I can do is think of all the ways things will go wrong or disappoint people. That way I'll be pleasantly surprised when things are nice, right? In the meantime I'm going to keep enjoying this beautiful song for brides.

Photographer's second payment: $350
Second half of bakery payment, including gratuity: $966.79
Catering for family dinner: $184.79
Wedding undergarments: $43
Jars for vendor thank-yous: $24.99
Jam and jelly ingredients to go into said jars: $22
Total cost of haircut that I tipped 50% for because it was so cheap: $65
Dumb cardboard signs to remind people to use our wedding hashtag: $10.01
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Old 27th September 2017, 2:28 PM   #59
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Fingers crossed your granddad will be well soon - the rest will be fine. Being pretty much raised by my grandparents I know the connection grandparents-grandchildren can be extremely strong, and even that they can't attend your wedding - I'm sure they're overly excited about it.
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Old 30th September 2017, 6:22 PM   #60
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One week to go. In fact, this time next week I will be in a wedding dress, partying it up with our closest friends.

I am right where I need to be weight-wise, two pounds under my goal weight, so I'm easing back and enjoying girly protein shakes and such. I wrote a fun themed workout to do the morning of the wedding that should use up my excess energy and get me in the right frame of mind. Some people find peace at the spa; I lift weights.

The fella is having another sort of bachelor's party tonight, this time at a horse racetrack with some old co-workers. I'm at home to clean some more, do last-minute home repairs and use up leftovers in the fridge. It's not a bad deal. I appreciate the time alone.

We are spending money like water as all the wedding bills come in. We've been saving for this for a while, but it still freaks me out. I am so glad that we're meeting with my financial advisor after the honeymoon so we can redo our asset portfolio. Am I a nerd or what?

Random crafty stuff from Michael's: $61
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