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Fiance wants a 'contract' put in our marriage.


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Old 18th October 2016, 8:36 AM   #1
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Fiance wants a 'contract' put in our marriage.

Hi guys I'm probably putting this in the wrong section? If so, I apologise.

I'm engaged to be married to a financially comfortable man, a man I've been with for five years. Last night he presented to me a 'contract' to sign at some stage closer to the marriage, on it it asks of me to attend any work gatherings/European trips he has to attend or hosts without hesitation from me regardless if I want to etc. I asked him to get a prenuptial agreement to make himself more comfortable going into the marriage despite me claiming and genuinely meaning that I wouldn't want anything from him if we were unlucky enough for our marriage to end. When I brought this up he strongly disagreed with it and got passed that I brought it up to him. What are your thoughts on this guy's?
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Old 18th October 2016, 8:39 AM   #2
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There is no way I would sign that.

Making a fair, legal financial agreement is one thing, as you move through life and accumulate assets.

But, a document saying you will do what he wants, when he wants, without hesitation... Um, no thanks. That's not a partnership, that's a job contract.
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Old 18th October 2016, 8:52 AM   #3
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I agree with the above. Does he want a marriage or someone to accompany him to social events? What if one time you don't want to/ can't go? Will he waft this contract in your face? Sue you?


You say you've been with him for 5 years, what has your arrangement been up to now re attending work functions and trips?
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Old 18th October 2016, 9:09 AM   #4
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Originally Posted by ChaneyLane View Post
Hi guys I'm probably putting this in the wrong section? If so, I apologise.

I'm engaged to be married to a financially comfortable man, a man I've been with for five years. Last night he presented to me a 'contract' to sign at some stage closer to the marriage, on it it asks of me to attend any work gatherings/European trips he has to attend or hosts without hesitation from me regardless if I want to etc. I asked him to get a prenuptial agreement to make himself more comfortable going into the marriage despite me claiming and genuinely meaning that I wouldn't want anything from him if we were unlucky enough for our marriage to end. When I brought this up he strongly disagreed with it and got passed that I brought it up to him. What are your thoughts on this guy's?
That is strange. Has he given you any reason as to why he wants this contract?
It sounds to me as though he is insecure and possessive. Could he be worried that you might see another guy while he is away?

Has he experienced cheating in the past?

I have a technical job which requires infrequent training and retraining. This training sometimes takes place in, for instance, Brussels or Vienna. I often take my wife with me. It gives us a chance for a shared experience in a foreign country, but she doesn't have to go.
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Old 18th October 2016, 9:30 AM   #5
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This is just bizarre.

What has your relationship been like over the past 5 years?
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Old 18th October 2016, 10:05 AM   #6
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Originally Posted by ChaneyLane View Post
Hi guys I'm probably putting this in the wrong section? If so, I apologise.

I'm engaged to be married to a financially comfortable man, a man I've been with for five years. Last night he presented to me a 'contract' to sign at some stage closer to the marriage, on it it asks of me to attend any work gatherings/European trips he has to attend or hosts without hesitation from me regardless if I want to etc. I asked him to get a prenuptial agreement to make himself more comfortable going into the marriage despite me claiming and genuinely meaning that I wouldn't want anything from him if we were unlucky enough for our marriage to end. When I brought this up he strongly disagreed with it and got passed that I brought it up to him. What are your thoughts on this guy's?
That is the most ridiculous request ever so if you are sick or something and he wishes to travel to Europe you'll have to obey even though you are not physically fit to.

Also what is this thing about marrying him and not wanting anything from him?? You are setting yourself up to be put in the streets with nothing in a few years.

YES you should be entitled to something when this marriage ends. You should have a pre-nup agreement that is details per years you will spend together. If you get divorced 1 year later sure you leave with nothing but if you divorce after 20 years later than yes you are entitled to be set up somewhere and not be put in the streets. If you chose to have children with this man you will have to stay home, you'll have to delay your own financial security to give him children! That is worth money!!
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Old 18th October 2016, 10:15 AM   #7
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^^^^^ Exactly. Spot on post.
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Old 18th October 2016, 10:22 AM   #8
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Correct me if I'm wrong, but this is what I'm understanding: this guy doesn't want you to sign a "normal" pre-nup regarding assets and financial terms, but instead wants you to sign something ostensibly obligating you to play hostess at his whim.


Confirm with a couple of attorneys that such a contract is unenforceable, as I suspect it is, and decide whether signing it or not is worth your relationship. If you do sign, it sounds like you'll come out ahead financially if things go south. Which I'm thinking may be fairly likely given his strange ideas at least about certain things.
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Old 18th October 2016, 10:29 AM   #9
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Are these work gatherings/European trips a bone of contention in your relationship?
Have you refused to go before?

I particularly like the "without hesitation" part. LOL!
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Old 18th October 2016, 11:14 AM   #10
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NO contracts.
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Old 18th October 2016, 11:36 AM   #11
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A prenuptial agreement .. I get that. Fine.

But this? I mean this is straight up un-natural. Is he a lawyer or something? Are you one of his clients or work assistants? Am I weird for asking that.. cause it sounds like you are.
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Old 18th October 2016, 12:35 PM   #12
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That is strange. Has he given you any reason as to why he wants this contract?
It sounds to me as though he is insecure and possessive. Could he be worried that you might see another guy while he is away?

Has he experienced cheating in the past?

No, no real legitimate reason as to why he wants it. He claims he'd be happier having me by his side.

Maybe he is worried that I'll cheat on him [I absolutely would not though], I know how s**t that is to have happen to you, two years into our relationship I found out he cheated on me. I truly believe he isn't now and that's why he is most likely paranoid.

I brought up the prenuptial because I have people 'joking' saying things like I'm only marrying him for his money which I am not. I love this man more than I ever thought I could love someone and I want to prove that to him.
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Old 18th October 2016, 1:32 PM   #13
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Originally Posted by ChaneyLane View Post
No, no real legitimate reason as to why he wants it. He claims he'd be happier having me by his side.

Maybe he is worried that I'll cheat on him [I absolutely would not though], I know how s**t that is to have happen to you, two years into our relationship I found out he cheated on me. I truly believe he isn't now and that's why he is most likely paranoid.

I brought up the prenuptial because I have people 'joking' saying things like I'm only marrying him for his money which I am not. I love this man more than I ever thought I could love someone and I want to prove that to him.
Why are you marrying someone who has already been unfaithful?

If you are a corporate wife to an executive, it's a given that you will be a hostess dependent on your husband's position. However, this is mainly an unspoken expectation rather than a firm contract.

There are far too many red flags here.
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Old 18th October 2016, 1:49 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ChaneyLane View Post
Hi guys I'm probably putting this in the wrong section? If so, I apologise.

I'm engaged to be married to a financially comfortable man, a man I've been with for five years. Last night he presented to me a 'contract' to sign at some stage closer to the marriage, on it it asks of me to attend any work gatherings/European trips he has to attend or hosts without hesitation from me regardless if I want to etc. I asked him to get a prenuptial agreement to make himself more comfortable going into the marriage despite me claiming and genuinely meaning that I wouldn't want anything from him if we were unlucky enough for our marriage to end. When I brought this up he strongly disagreed with it and got passed that I brought it up to him. What are your thoughts on this guy's?
He is insecure and is scared you only love him for his money, and that you will drop your panties for some other guy at a moment's notice the second he leaves town.

In lieu of that, my suggestion to you is that you end the relationship right now. If you end up marrying this guy with that piece of paper signed, it will give him license in his own mind to treat you like a slave and slap you around when he deems fit.

He does not love you, he wants to own you. That is reason enough to get rid of him.
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Old 18th October 2016, 1:54 PM   #15
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Originally Posted by ChaneyLane View Post
No, no real legitimate reason as to why he wants it. He claims he'd be happier having me by his side.

Maybe he is worried that I'll cheat on him [I absolutely would not though], I know how s**t that is to have happen to you, two years into our relationship I found out he cheated on me. I truly believe he isn't now and that's why he is most likely paranoid.

I brought up the prenuptial because I have people 'joking' saying things like I'm only marrying him for his money which I am not. I love this man more than I ever thought I could love someone and I want to prove that to him.
I'm sorry I didn't read this response.

He is a cheater on top of if it?

Continue this relationship at your own peril.

This is a no brainer. Get rid of him. No level of fiscal comfort can compare with someone who will love you and treat you the way you deserve. There is no price tag on that. There is however, a heavy price to pay for being treated like property, which is exactly how he will treat you when you marry him.

Stevie Wonder could see this coming, young lady. Do not do it.
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