asiangirl Posted December 7, 2014 Share Posted December 7, 2014 (edited) Me and my boyfriend are in our late twenties; we both are Financial Independent adults. I know him for 4 years already, we live in the same neighborhood. The first 2.5 years, we were acquaintance then became casual friends. The next 6 months he spend to chase me. He chase hard for 6 months just trying to get one date with me. He waited outside my apartment stairs many times, just to wait to see me so he can asked for my cell phone number. After he have my phone #, he wants to spend more time with me; so he still wait outside my stairs hoping I would open the door, and go outside to see him/hang around with him. I know we live in the same neighborhood and all, but I think it was extreme to be waiting outside a girl's staircase. He must be serious right? I pretty much was touch by his persistent, and I didn't want to keep him waiting outside, it was cold in the winter time too. So I gave in to be his girl, and that how this relationship started. We have been dating for 1 year already, and we are in committed relationship. The ways he treats me is still the same as day one, he is a caring, loving and protective boyfriend. He doesn't even let me carried a light bag of groccery, lol. We are an interracial couple, so we do get alot of ignorant/negatives comments towards us and his skin color; but it doesn't bother him at all. He told me to be strong and "We" will make it through this together. It is all his effort, his persistent and steady affection that help carried this whole relationship through till now. I believe he committed to me because out of his own willing, he bought matching 'promise ring' to show his commitment (it's the classic band wedding ring type). He wears the ring on his finger all the times (even without me remind him). So this should be a good sign that he committed right? He wear the ring everywhere, I don't know if he take it off when carried big work load at his Warehouse job. But whenever he not at work, I always see him wear it. He always wants to live together with me, and he mentioned marriage. He even asked me when am I going to give him a son, yet still have not pop the "propose" question. So should I be worried? I am sure he is not cheating on me because after work he drive straight back to be with me, and he tell me his whereabouts. We both work full time, so whenever we have same day/time off, we do sleep in the same bed. And I know his body smell, so if there another woman smell on his body, I would definately know. So far no clues or signs of him cheating, no different smell on his body. So cheating is not a possibility, unless he hide it real good. I just wondering why he still not propose yet? When he always wear the ring, and he talks about live together/marriage/give him a son, etc... Of course I don't want to force him into marriage, it is not true happiness if you are forcing your man to married you. Any opinion/advice on why he still not propose? Should I worried that he not committed to me, any red flags? So I'm just the Asian girl in his neighborhood, the official "girlfriend", the girl got him to wear the 'promise ring", and that's it? This gonna to be the status for the rest of my life? --------------- BTW, we are a poor couple live in "the Hood" (neighborhood for lower income people). He is far from rich, neither am I, but we both have full time job. I splits half half on dates with him, I always pay for my own. I voluntary to help him because I know he doesn't have much money himself. I told him that if we live together. It will be 50/50 Financially; that this month I pay for rent, next month he pay for rent. All household bills will be split half half, evenly distributed. So money shouldn't be why he scare of marriage, because he have no assets. His permanent address is his mom place, he have no place of his own. He only have clothes, some favorite books of his, his Car, and his Warehouse job. I know some men scare of marriage, because they don't want to loose their Assets if divorce, but my boyfriend doesn't have any assets. He even asked me when am I going to give him a son, yet no propose... should I worried if he truely being commited to me? Edited December 8, 2014 by asiangirl Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 You have to talk to him about this. He may feel committed to you (meaning he won't leave or cheat) but unwilling to marry for whatever reason. He may feel that he doesn't have the financial wherewithal to support a family. As a single woman with a child you would be eligible for more government benefits. If you want to get married you are going to have to broach the subject. You don't have to propose but you have to start the conversation so you can learn what he thinks & feels about the subject. Link to post Share on other sites
Author asiangirl Posted December 8, 2014 Author Share Posted December 8, 2014 (edited) I am not qualify for any government helps, I make over the limits. I get pay $13 an hour plus % commission on everything I sales. So my income is more than enough for 1 person, no qualify for government assistant. I don't need any government helps neither, I been out on my own since I was 18 (due to I was mentally/physically abuse by my mother in my childhood) so I decided to move out far away from her. Now in my defense of my Boyfriend, because some posters around Forums said he is living off his mama, and he immature. That is not the case... Please don't judge his situation, not everyone born with a golden key in their mouth/have rich parents. His situation is complicated. His dad was in and out of jail, and died when he was in his late teens. His mom was busy trying to get her life back together, she also struggle a full time job while raising him. So he pretty much grow up by himself wandering around the street. He actually very independent at young age, and works different jobs too. He have an older sister, but she passed away from a drunk driving car accident. So now all he have left is his mother (This is why I don't want to move out far from here, I want him to be close distant to his mom) He have a bedroom in his mom place, but he rarely home to sleep. He works mostly night shift, and if he not sleep at my apartment; he be over at his male friends/buddies place to hang out, watch NFL Football, etc... He also pay half of the rent to his mom, he doesn't live with his mom for Free. All the groccery/food is him buy for his mom every time, he also help pay the bills too. I considered this to be Financial Independent, because he put in his fair share. I know all this because sometimes I am over at his mom helps she cooks and helps clean (we live in same neighborhood) It is me also pitch in to helps him buy groccery for his mom too, and I know every month he put in his half share rent. He can't just move away and left his mom all alone by herself. She is the only blood family member he have left. He have money in his Saving account. He wants to save it up to buy a house, but currently right now he doesn't have enough. To be frank, marriage is not my top priority; we both are a poor couple anyways, not like we gonna get any financial benefits out from our marriage. I just want his heart, and want to make sure he is committed to me. Edited December 8, 2014 by asiangirl Link to post Share on other sites
ArtsAndCrafts Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 Well the solution is simple. The next time he mentions living together, commitment, marriage, the future, or having a child, just ask him what that means to him. What do you see as our future? When do you see us doing that? You have to actually talk to him. I don't think you have any reason to be worried. He sounds like a great guy who loves you. Do you love him? No reason to rush into marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 i don't want to stereotype here, but you said you live "in the hood" and "in the hood" where i come from means that the women are often single moms or the kids are born to couples that are unmarried and struggling. the next time he asks you "when you going to give me a son," then tell him you believe in marriage and wouldn't want to raise a baby before you're married to him. that is a way of stating what you want w/out putting any marital pressure on him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author asiangirl Posted February 1, 2015 Author Share Posted February 1, 2015 (edited) Thank you for the recent replies, greatly appreciated. The answer to the proposal question have been answer, I am more than happy. Edited February 1, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
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