The caged bird sings.

[SarahMay]

So I am in a relationship and I am engaged. the man is near perfect he wants to work to give me everything I desire, he is kind and I know I never have a worry of lack of trust. However I have recently met this fella at a park I visit everyday, we walk together for hours talking about things. I never knew it was possible to met someone who is so in sync with me. I can not explain the feeling. I have never felt this before. I leave and I have to go park somewhere to cry in such frustration. Never would I act on anything I refuse to even inquire about his number. I have no idea what to do and this wieght that has fallen upon me is unbearable. I have questioned my current relationship prior to meeting this guy, simply because I don't feel that excitement of a relationship I feel old and tired even though I am not even 25. But as I said he wants to be there for me with everything and I don't think I could gain the courage to leave him for the simple reason I am not happy for no exact reason. I have no one to talk to and really need someone to help

[abby_tx]

You're incredibly young. Hold off on the engagement or break off the engagement if he doesn't make you happy.

 

My girl cousin was in this EXACT same predicament. She dated the guy for years. He was a very nice guy and would have given her anything she wanted. He proposed. She said yes. A year later she broke it off with him because she wasn't happy and couldn't go through with it. She's never been happier. She met a new guy who makes her feel all the things the first guy didn't.

[SarahMay]

I think you are right, I find myself so between my thoughts of what I want. It's not that we are not happy, I just feel like this is not where I want to be, almost trapped. It's hard because he loves me so much and tells me all the time and his friends tell me the same thing that they have never seen him that way and never thought they would. He gave up everything to come across the country to be with me. It's so hard. I have lost myself in the process.

[OhThatGirl]

I think you are right, I find myself so between my thoughts of what I want. It's not that we are not happy, I just feel like this is not where I want to be, almost trapped. It's hard because he loves me so much and tells me all the time and his friends tell me the same thing that they have never seen him that way and never thought they would. He gave up everything to come across the country to be with me. It's so hard. I have lost myself in the process.

 

Not good.

 

You're very young. I know at your age had I been in your situation I would have felt the same way. 5 years later and I'm still learning about myself, who I am, what I want.

 

On the other hand my best friend got married at 24 and is perfectly happy 5 years later. I'll tell you what though.. Going in to her marriage she never ever would have described feeling trapped. That's a red flag. It says to me you want out, you want to see what kind of connection is possible with other people, but you don't want to hurt your fiancé.

 

All of which are reasonable. But only you are going to be able to work this situation. Think of a few things.. This other guy in the park.. If you ended things with your fiancé, tried a relationship with him, realized there were issues you couldn't fix.. Would you want your fiancé back?

 

The problem with being engaged at 24 is (depending on your relationship history and personality) you may just be wanting answers. The "grass is greener" situation.. "Can I find someone who is a better fit? Someone I have a deeper connection with? Someone that I would never ask these questions while I'm committed to?" Some may say "the grass is greenest where you water it" and that stopping contact with this other guy may give you a chance to focus on the relationship you're already in. Others might say that you will be curious and resentful of your fiancé until you have more time to see what's out there.

 

This is what I can tell you for sure.. When you describe your fiancé you do it from a practical point of view. He cares, he wants to give you everything, you trust him, there are no real problems. When you describe this other guy, you describe the connection you have.

 

Let's face it. Only a small part of a relationship is chemistry and connection.. But, it's a very important small part. It's what drives you to stay, work through issues, keeps you feeling good when everything he has worked to give you becomes stale, boring, and meaningless.

 

I would really advise NOT getting married until you have some time to do a lot of introspection about how you really feel. Just from your post it seems you are pretty uninspired in your current relationship. That's not likely to get better even if everything works from a practical standpoint.

 

Browse the Breaking Up section. Look at some of the original posts. There are looooots of guys saying "things were great, we had no issues, I gave her everything, I wanted to marry her, she broke up with me!"

 

Well yeah. No problems and giving a girl everything she wants doesn't always mean lifelong happiness. Sometimes it means mediocrity and for some, that's just not enough.

 

Also know that life is not a romantic comedy and if you are chasing the Hollywood image of love you will be disappointed and may have left some great guys in your dust. It really comes down to you: what are you willing to accept? Are the practical points of a relationship enough or do you want the amazing connection AND the practical points? Knowing of course nothing is perfect and you may never find everything you dream of. When you answer that, you have to commit to it so think carefully.

 

Good luck. Keep us updated.

[FitChick]

Postpone the wedding. You seem immature and think that everyday should be romantic. Then seek premarital counseling with your fiance. A third party will spot the problem(s) and know if it can be fixed. Then decide.

 

In my opinion no one should get married before they are thirty. They need to live life and grow up.

[carhill]

OP, I found this to be quite common amongst MW's in my 20's. They got married young, either to get out of their parent's house or because they were in lust, then matured in their M's and went looking for aspects of compatibility that their young husband wasn't providing them.

 

So, your canary sang. Time to sit fiance down and discuss the hard topics. If helpful, PMC can clarify the specifics. In general though, my instinct is that this is done. However, guard against saying 'we're done' and immediately chasing the guy in the park down. I know that goes against every romance movie ever written but part of maturing is reflecting upon one's choices and learning from them and not acting impulsively. Good luck.

[BikerAccnt]

Postpone the wedding. You are young yet. Being married is something you need to want with your entire being.

[GorillaTheater]

Feminism run amok.

 

Read it how you want, but the OP would be doing both herself and her fiancee a big favor by calling things off if she's not in a place to move foward. It's his life, too.

[almond]

However I have recently met this fella at a park I visit everyday, we walk together for hours talking about things. I never knew it was possible to met someone who is so in sync with me...Never would I act on anything I refuse to even inquire about his number.

 

Don't kid yourself - you have already acted. You have strong feelings for this man, and visit the park every day and walk and talk with him for hours. You may not have his phone number, but this is still crossing a line. Imagine if your fiance was doing the same with a girl he had strong feelings for!

 

You thought you had found "the one," but now you're confused. It's hard, but you need to either let your fiance go, or immediately come clean and stop seeing this other man. It's not fair on either of you to continue like this. You can be open and honest with your fiance and try and work through it, but it seems like you have a lot of doubts. You have a hard decision to make, but whatever you do, don't do nothing.

 

Communicate with your fiance. Be 100% open with everything you are feeling and doing. You are not ready to marry him - it would not be good for either of you. Commit yourself to getting your relationship to a point where you are both happy and satisfied with each other, and don't stop working till you either get there, or you break up. Again, stop seeing this other man immediately, and if you can't do this, then let your fiance go without delay.

[pteromom]

I am not happy for no exact reason.

 

Before you can take any type of action, you need to go deeper into this so you can find out why you aren't happy. It's possible that it has nothing to do with your fiance.

 

Are you happy with your career or career path?

Do you have hobbies and interests that fulfill you?

Do you have friends to lean on and laugh with?

Do you have a passion that lights you up and makes you want to jump out of bed in the morning?

Do you have goals you are working toward?

Are you happy with your spiritual life and are you the person you want to be?

Outside of a relationship, when it is just you alone with yourself, are you happy and full?

 

Just some stuff to think about. It is YOUR job to make your life what you want it to be. Sure, it is lovely to have a giving and accepting partner to walk beside you and share love with, but that's not all there is to life.

 

You need to shut off the thoughts about this other guy or whether you want to be with your fiance, and focus on YOU first.

 

In the meantime, don't get married. Don't marry him unless you can walk down the aisle fully confident that you want to be with him.

[blombox]

You need to try to see why you are not happy. Maybe you will go to this new guy, and then the exact same thing will happend.

 

Then, when you know, you need to decide if thats a good enough thing for you to leave him. This proces is really hard, because things could ge complicated. After that you could make a desicion.