SolG Posted January 19, 2014 Share Posted January 19, 2014 My niece is about to marry and I'm thinking of giving her and her groom a pack of relationship books as a gift. To give you some context, I have a failed marriage and I'm now an OW (neither my niece nor the rest of the family know the latter). So.... I'm thinking of giving them a pack of books about marriage and maintaining a long term relationship as a gift. I wish someone had told me when I was 21 and 'in lurrrrrv' about the realities of how relationships change over time and need constant work and nourishing! Am I off track? Or do you think this type of gift would be appreciated? Look forward to your thoughts. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 19, 2014 Share Posted January 19, 2014 Don't do it, IMO it would be insulting to assume they need help with thier marriage and presumptuous to think you have the answers to that. This is off course only my opinion... oh.. and if you think they would read them you would be most likely mistaken, they would get put in the nearest garage sale or put in the closet. I have seen this scenario with religious readings when given and the person doesn't have the same beliefs. Buy something on their registry.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 19, 2014 Share Posted January 19, 2014 If they like to read books, give them a gift card to a book store they frequent. No harm in buying the relationship books and reading them yourself. Then, if they come to you for counsel and advice, you'll have both the lessons from your life experience plus the information from the books to share, and perhaps 'lend' them a book as needed. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted January 19, 2014 Share Posted January 19, 2014 To be fair, I can say that some wedding gifts are geared towards the Couples likes, Mountain climbing, Travel Books, Cook Books...etc. The partaking of wisdom on Couples Tips is probably crossing a line though when its a wedding gift book. Maybe a suitable gift that still gears towards Couples is a GETAWAY Weekend retreat...Where they have couples seminars that are relaxing yet rewarding in "fine tuning" the relationship. My Niece got one and she and her second husband agreed to go at the five year mark, they are actually looking forward to sharing the gift at a resort. They just sign up for the workshops that they both think need assistance, from Finance to Life Goals. It allows them to decide and work together. Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted January 19, 2014 Share Posted January 19, 2014 I think something very varied, aimed at all the trials and tribulations life can bring (something uplifting), ALONG WITH something pretty/celebratory would be nice, but they could find the gift you suggest offensive. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 19, 2014 Share Posted January 19, 2014 You are sending a negative message like their relationship is already doomed Get them a traditional wedding gift. Since your heart is in the right place, when they come home from their HM, take your niece out to lunch & give her the books then. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted January 19, 2014 Share Posted January 19, 2014 (edited) My niece is about to marry and I'm thinking of giving her and her groom a pack of relationship books as a gift. To give you some context, I have a failed marriage and I'm now an OW (neither my niece nor the rest of the family know the latter). So.... I'm thinking of giving them a pack of books about marriage and maintaining a long term relationship as a gift. I wish someone had told me when I was 21 and 'in lurrrrrv' about the realities of how relationships change over time and need constant work and nourishing! Am I off track? Or do you think this type of gift would be appreciated? Look forward to your thoughts. I would appreciate it! At a friend's wedding in lieu of a regular guest book she had guests put marriage advice on pretty note cards and drop them into a drop box that they could read. The books idea seems similar. However, I guess in her case she technically asked for the advice and I could see how this might be unsolicited and maybe offensive. But I agree with the suggestion that you could give a more traditional and "happy" gift then maybe when you have one on one time with your niece some time later you can gift the books then and explain why. Edited January 19, 2014 by MissBee Link to post Share on other sites
Author SolG Posted January 20, 2014 Author Share Posted January 20, 2014 (edited) Ok all, this is what I've decided. I'm going to give my niece Dr Willard Harley's 'I promise you: preparing for a marriage that will last a lifetime'. Next time I see her as a read she might find interesting leading up to a wedding. I get your point that it's not the best look for a wedding gift. However, I actually don't see it as negative or sending a message that the relationship is doomed. Rather, that even though we know that 50 per cent of all marriages will end in divorce, we nonetheless societally choose to focus so much time and effort and money on a wedding... But not on preparing folk for the realities of marriage itself. (Of course there are exceptions such as those that seek out premarital counselling.) The ones that are prepared and pragmatic and understand that marriage requires regular ongoing maintenance are more likely to be in the 50 per cent that make it. I don't expect her to read it now, but rather to refer to it when she wants to. It's more the message that I guess I would like her to absorb. Anyway, I'll give her the book and have a chat upfront, and give her something else as a wedding gift. But it won't be traditional or from their registry... I have a rep as a crazy Aunt to uphold! :-D Edited January 20, 2014 by SolG Link to post Share on other sites
scorpiogirl Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 I seem to be in the minority here but I think it's a good gift. I think a lot of people allow the romance and butterflies of the "wedding" to overshadow the realities of The Marriage. I am also the only friend ever to recommend a prenuptial agreement to my engaged friends where everyone else says it's unromantic or it's jinxing them. I think marriage takes work no matter how perfect you are for each other. For me it's a lifetime thing and if it's to last that long a smart couple would appreciate the tools to help them navigate what is often unknown territory. Link to post Share on other sites
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