Honour14 Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 (edited) Hi Everyone, I am new to this board and I badly need advice on my future steps. I am male & my age is 24. I have been in love for almost 7 years. She is elder than me for about just 6 months. We were in great relationship & we dreamt more about our future. We planned for each & every stage of our life. When she came to know that in her home they were looking for an alliance, she said abt our love in her home. In my home my parents accepted her. But her parents didn’t wish to accept me. They said age & religious caste was a big matter. This happened last year and almost for 5 months, she was out of contact. No phone, no mail, nothing… I was very much frustrated and almost after a big war she talked with me thru her sister & friends. She said her dad accepted for our love. I Spoke with her dad also, he accepted me but her mom denied me. One year she was well with me back, dreamt more abt our marriage and decided to marry by this month end. But suddenly 2 weeks ago no contact from her. Her mobile switched off. No reply from her mail. I was just in a shock till this second. Last day she replied that she breakup everything with me and she needs a peaceful life away from me. My age & my caste is a big concern for her irrespective of 7 years relationship. There is no other option left to get in touch with her. Her mail, her FB all deleted. I did all for her in my life & she stood behind me in making my career good. She encouraged & supported me much in developing my profession. She was everything to me. But now I cannot believe this. I tried to do suicide & cut my hands but I was unfortunately saved by my colleagues in office. I didn’t wish to have a life without her. My possessiveness on her is killing me. I cannot dream of my life with another soul. Kindly advise me. Edited November 5, 2013 by Honour14 Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 You can't control what she wants and how she makes her decisions. All you can do is accept them and find happiness elsewhere in life. But suicide is nothing but a permanent fix for what is just a temporary problem. Take care of yourself and treat yourself well, and you will be able to heal, move on, and find someone better suited for yourself. Seek professional help for these suicidal thoughts as by hurting yourself you are hurting friends, family, and everyone else who cares about you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 In certain cultures religion & caste are HUGE matters. You said her mother didn't accept you. That had to play a critical role in her thinking. In the end she chose her mother over you. That's all there is to it & it's highly unlikely that you can win her back Link to post Share on other sites
ClemsonTigers Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 You posted at 4:30 am EST in the US so I am presuming you are overseas in an Asian society and culture that strictly regulates marriage and relationships (successfully, for the most part, I might add). Since your dreams were crushed and you've apparently even made a suicide attempt, your situation sounds very dire. It's not like Asian societies have a lot of mental health support systems and suicide hotlines to call. I don't have a lot of time and I don't even know if you are still around seeking answers but my recommendation to you would be to immediate replace the dreams of a life you had envisioned with this woman with a new dream such as getting to America or Canada or somewhere besides where you are. Just making a new goal and redirecting your attention away from your misery is a great first step. Your English sounds very good so assimilating shouldn't be a problem. If you happen to already be here….move away from home as soon as you can and start a new life somewhere far away from the reminders of how you thought things were going to turn out. You can always return…but a change of scenery can often refocus the mind onto healthier pursuits. Suicide isn't a solution…it's just the end and it creates more misery for your family. You are only 24…find new dreams. Link to post Share on other sites
sam-confused Posted November 6, 2013 Share Posted November 6, 2013 there are lots of people in your situation Honour14. I understand completely how you feel about life without her. please don't try to kill your self. life is confusing and unfair but sometimes their really are clouds with silver linings. she seems to have chosen to leave and go with her mothers views and although it hurts to be pushed aside you need to believe in yourself. You said that she was everything to you and she supported you and was always there for you. These things will be missed but you need to give yourself these things and then let someone else add to them. don't let her be the only person to make you happy. talk to friends or your family. you don't have to talk to them about your split but about things that will make you smile or laugh anything you would normally talk about if you weren't broken inside. and I know this sounds crazy and stupid but it really works..... smile even when your at home alone try to smile maybe once a day. it's amazing how strong a smile can make you feel if you keep it up. good luck and I know one day you will be happy again. Sam Link to post Share on other sites
Author Honour14 Posted November 7, 2013 Author Share Posted November 7, 2013 Ya well i realize i behaved so stupid. I am working as Human Resource Manager in an organisation where above 1000 employees work. i counselled many of them personally on their behaviors. but when i faced this situation i was completely out of mind. I am living with my parents nearby my workplace & i am gifted with a satisfied job. I am the only son in my family & my parents are much worried about my behavior. Unable to concentrate in my job. This situation is so ridiculous & cannot able to handle it. only her thoughts everywhere. I don't know where i did mistake. I am a teetotaler and never had any other girl friends in my life. i was very much affectionate and possessive on her. I need to sort this our of my mind. I wish to live peacefully now. I want to concentrate in my job & look after my family & friends. i want peace of mind. kindly advice 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 7, 2013 Share Posted November 7, 2013 the peace you seek will come in time. As the days go by, your pain will be less acute. Keep yourself busy & surrounded by positive people who love & care about you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Honour14 Posted November 10, 2013 Author Share Posted November 10, 2013 I am facing a new trouble. Very new to me... I cannot able to sleep... I am facing anxiety issue. I am getting suddenly in between my sleep just like my chest pains horribly. I don't think of her & try to keep myself busy by involving myself voluntarily in new projects, reading books, spending time in PC games, going for a long drive with awesome musics playlist in my car... I try to keep myself busy but now my mind & heart isn't accepting this change.... I cant able to take control over my heart & mind... To be even silly, i sit alone in a room & talk to myself with open mouth about our relationship & her dumping me for her own selfishness... I try to convince my mind & heart to just work for me... But my own internal enemies are fighting against me... Will i never ever recover from this....? i need advice badly.... Link to post Share on other sites
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