Is this "Future Faking"?

[JBlackstone]

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years. I have posted here before about issues in our relationship that were mostly due to my insecurities and anxiety. We had a difficult beginning to the summer. He initiated a breakup because he felt like he reached a point where he couldn't handle my insecurities any longer. We did get back together a few weeks later after minimal contact. I have begun therapy and added a meditation practice to my daily routine. I am making a lot of changes and this is the first time in a long time, maybe even years, that we are having fun together and getting along without fights. In general I am also happier and feel stronger as an individual, regardless of the outcome of this relationship.

 

My issue is that in the past he always said he was not ready for marriage. He would use the reason that we needed to get along better before he could consider that. Now that things are on track, I'm afraid I am impatient and have brought up marriage to him again. Now he says we need to see if things continue to go well and why can't we just enjoy each other and not have to analyze everything. To me, this is a red flag. I feel like it is just something to say to end the conversation.

 

He also uses money as a reason he's not ready to marry. He works in a family business and he doesn't make much money. It's likely that he won't make much until it is passed down to him, which it will eventually, it's just a matter of when. I feel like people get married in all kinds of financial situations everyday. Plus, my parents would be footing the bill anyway.

 

We don't live together but he comes to my house every night, I rarely go over to his place. He doesn't pay rent but does split grocery bills and internet with me, and he is only there when I am there. We spend most of our free time together either alone or with our respective groups of friends. He texts me throughout the day and does helpful things for me. I don't doubt he loves me but maybe I'm not the one?

 

I feel like maybe it might be a why buy the cow when you get the milk for free scenario or maybe he really does need more time. I would like to give it to the end of the year and if he's still unsure, then I think it may be time to end the relationship. I feel like he just may be complacent and will be content to just let things go on this way forever. He is a passive person in general and I'm afraid it's carried over into this part of his life as well.

 

Would do you all think?

[strongnrelaxed]

If you have to keep bringing it up, perhaps he doesn't want to lose you but feels manipulated into marriage. Many men feel this but can't quite articulate it.

 

I would drop the idea of marriage unless you do not love him. If you do not truly love him, then sucker him into it and enjoy the ride.

 

If you do truly love him, then why the hell would you try to trap him like this? How would you feel if you saw another woman trying to do the same thing to him or a male family member?