Invite Children to the Wedding?

[chucksagent]

People are starting to ask us if they can bring kids.

 

I don't have a HUGE problem with like 8 years old or older...but babies and infants and toddlers and even very young kids I think can be a distraction.

 

My only concern is out of town relatives.

 

What ever happened to babysitting? I NEVER went to a wedding with my parents when I was a child. Why does it seem like in this day and age people gotta always bring their kids everywhere with them???

 

Thoughts?

[tbf]

The wedding is for the couple so what they prefer, should be the way the wedding proceeds.

 

That said, I love children at weddings.

[xxoo]

Do what you prefer, but understand that it may mean some out of town people decide not to attend.

[Silly_Girl]

My parents never went to a wedding without us. Funerals maybe, not weddings

 

I probably would have turned down an invite that didn't include my son, when he was younger. Now he's older it wouldn't matter at all.

 

It's absolutely your choice to have the day as you prefer it, but I would be wary of mixing the rules up between folk as to who can bring their tribe and who can't. It could get very messy

[pink_sugar]

Yep, I remember my MIL was offended when we were iffy about inviting their friends who had 5 kids. Thankfully, they weren't able to make it otherwise there would have been 8 kids total in a small wedding of 50-60 people. We had a few kids...no issues as all of them were at least 3-4 and up and were well behaved. It's up to the couple...it's your wedding day. And there are weddings that are adult only or maybe 12 and up sort of thing. But yeah, also consider if they are not local, it may be hard for those people to attend.

[chucksagent]

It's like George Carlin said, "Professional Parents." lol or "Child Worship."

 

It's not a BAD thing to leave the kids with a baby sitter OCCASIONALLY and have a life of your own.

 

I've just never seen anything like the world has been lately. People take their kids everywhere and do everything, I don't understand it.

 

The best part, when my mom was a single mom, she wouldn't go dancing, or partying, or drinking, etc. Her nights out were tupperware parties, weddings, board games with her sisters...Women TODAY are like "gotta take my kids," unless of course its clubbin or drinkin, then they will find a sitter. Lol.

 

Show some respect and concern for OTHERS. I appreciate and agree with the whole "it's your day" advice...and I for one wouldnt CONSIDER bringing, much less asking, to bring my child to someones wedding.

 

I just don't understand why anyone would be offended, but they would be!

[CC12]

People are starting to ask us if they can bring kids.

 

What are you telling them? Did your invitations say anything about kids?

[tbf]

It's like George Carlin said, "Professional Parents." lol or "Child Worship."

 

It's not a BAD thing to leave the kids with a baby sitter OCCASIONALLY and have a life of your own.

 

I've just never seen anything like the world has been lately. People take their kids everywhere and do everything, I don't understand it.

 

The best part, when my mom was a single mom, she wouldn't go dancing, or partying, or drinking, etc. Her nights out were tupperware parties, weddings, board games with her sisters...Women TODAY are like "gotta take my kids," unless of course its clubbin or drinkin, then they will find a sitter. Lol.

 

Show some respect and concern for OTHERS. I appreciate and agree with the whole "it's your day" advice...and I for one wouldnt CONSIDER bringing, much less asking, to bring my child to someones wedding.

 

I just don't understand why anyone would be offended, but they would be!

If you wish respect from others, it wouldn't hurt to show some respect for women and children.

[january2011]

Agree that it would be difficult to allow some kids but not others. So either make it adults only or make some provisions for the kids attending your wedding.

 

If you make it adults only, I suggest a general email to all invitees to that effect. Mention that you hope everyone can make it, because you'd love to celebrate the day with them. However, you will understand if it's not possible. Or something along those lines.

[Nyla]

It would be in poor taste to allow some children and not others.

 

I understand why you would want an adult only wedding.

 

Do what you wish, but remember that those who have children will not attend if they cannot bring their kids. That's completely okay.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

I wouldn't care about kids at the actual wedding but the reception they need to be at home. I don't want a bunch of kids running around being annoying

[Treasa]

This is just me personally, but if I ever get married, I'm just going to let whatever happens happen and have fun with it. I don't want a perfect, well-behaved wedding. I want a wedding that, years from then, people will be saying, "Hey, do you remember when the bride's dress caught on fire and then we all roasted marshmallows over it?"

 

I know that comment seems random, but weddings hardly ever go exactly as planned.

[chucksagent]

cherrypum - What do they do with their kids? I would advise a baby sitter. They are people you can hire and pay $10-$15 an hour to watch over your children while you attend to adult matters. Another option, ask the babies grandparents to watch them. Grandparents are ALWAYS EAGER to watch their beloved grandkids. A third option, brothers or sisters...a fourth, ask an aunt or uncle, I love spending time with my nephew. A fifth, a close friend who you know well and trust.

 

CC12 - We only sent save the dates, the wedding isn't even until August. Which is ANOTHER reason I think asking and hounding us about it is rude. Invites haven't even gone out yet!!!

 

TBF - Please explain how I disrespected women and children? I PRAISED my mother for being a single mother with PRIORITIES. Sorry if you don't like my REAL assessment of the world today but truth is truth and fact is fact. I see it all the time. The same single mother/father I see who "feels bad" getting a baby sitter for a wedding, won't HESITATE to get a baby sitter if an opportunity to go to a bar or a club or a casino with friends arises. Sorry, I think that's BS and it's my opinion. A loved one getting married should be MORE important than a random trip to a GD club or bar.

 

january2011 - thanks...thats good advice...

 

nyla - thanks...thats also good advice!

 

imperfectionisbeauty - We spoke to our wedding party last night, and THAT was the general consensus among them too. Ok for the ceremony but the reception is an adult party with alcohol, music, etc. Not an atmosphere for a child.

 

Treasa - I agree with you in principal. We are getting a giant ice sculpture with our initials, and its doubling as an ice luge. Lol. That's the kind of people we are! haha everyone is like "this is going to be the most fun and wild wedding ever!" We have friends and relatives coming from 16 states. We have a large network and we ALL just love having fun and very down to earth. We are VERY much not planning the perfect wedding. We got a modest venue, blocked rooms at a budget hotel ($80-$110), it's nothing extravagant. We wanted to accommodate everyone we know since their salary ranges fluctuate greatly from top to bottom.

 

Folks...make no mistakes...I don't hate children. There's just a time and a place. I wouldn't even CONSIDER bringing children to someones wedding ESPECIALLY a night wedding. So for then some people to get MAD or OFFENDED is beyond my comprehension level.

 

Crowds, loud music, alcohol, partying, late at night etc. doesn't sound like a great atmosphere for a toddler...sorry, just 1 mans humble opinion.

[Got it]

You have a couple ideas, you can stipulate that it is an adults only wedding.

 

If you don't want to do that and possibly exclude people you can hire a babysitter or two, have a room with kids stuff in it and have a place for kids to go during the reception. The kids are happy, they are doing their thing and the parents are happy that they are nearby but taken care of and you are happy because they are not tipping over the cake.

[tbf]

TBF - Please explain how I disrespected women and children? I PRAISED my mother for being a single mother with PRIORITIES. Sorry if you don't like my REAL assessment of the world today but truth is truth and fact is fact. I see it all the time. The same single mother/father I see who "feels bad" getting a baby sitter for a wedding, won't HESITATE to get a baby sitter if an opportunity to go to a bar or a club or a casino with friends arises. Sorry, I think that's BS and it's my opinion. A loved one getting married should be MORE important than a random trip to a GD club or bar.

Are all the people who want to bring children, single parents? If not, I'm uncertain how single parents factors into this.

 

Also, let's shift perspectives. Why do you feel that parents must shell out on your behalf, over their own wants?

[chucksagent]

TBF - Single parents factor in because my MOTHER as a young, single Mom knew better than most couples today and didn't bring her child to adult gatherings such as weddings. It SHOULD have been harder for her, so whats the deal with everyone today with a two parent household?!?!

 

ALSO, are you seriously asking why we should get what we want over the parents? What planet do you live on?

 

1) USUALLY you only get married ONCE in a lifetime... the parents live with their kids...dedicate one day to someone else other than your precious little babies and maybe they won't turn out enabled little wastes still living at home into their 20's and 30's like most kids today because their mommy smothers them and fights their battles for them.

 

2) The bride and groom are PAYING for the wedding. It's their party. In polite society, you generally bring to a party who is invited specifically. I understand lower class people may not abide by those rules or comprehend them, but people with taste, education and elegance are familiar with these rules.

 

3) I will cite my earlier common sense reasons of: Late night, party, adults, dancing, alcohol, large crowd, does NOT sound like a great place for toddlers. Just one mans opinion though, I'm probably crazy...lots of clean and responsible parents think that's a great atmosphere for kids.

 

4) Why is there a profession of nanny or babysitter if it's so rude to expect people to NOT bring their children? If it was acceptable and ok to just bring kids anywhere, why have baby sitters in the world?

 

5) If someone thinks $40.00 (high end) is too much money for when a CLOSE friend or family member gets married, then they probably fall into one of the above categories I mentioned and/or are not worth having at my wedding. So take what you will from that assessment.

[tbf]

From the sounds of it, it's best that you decline having children at your wedding so the parents don't attend.

[chucksagent]

TBF - good advice...because quite frankly, if someone doesn't have the basic manners to respect someone else's wishes at a once in a lifetime event, than that isn't a person worth sharing that once in a lifetime event with.

[Silly_Girl]

TBF - good advice...because quite frankly, if someone doesn't have the basic manners to respect someone else's wishes at a once in a lifetime event, than that isn't a person worth sharing that once in a lifetime event with.

 

I don't see anybody going against your wishes.

 

They'll come without the little people, or they'll not come. Either way, you win!

[Art_Critic]

What ever happened to babysitting?

 

First I agree with you on the age of the child, if you don't want kids there at your wedding then state an age that is acceptable, but be prepared for some people to cancel and not come as many people go to events as a family.

 

by the way..

Have you priced a babysitter recently ? an evening out to sit 2 kids for 3-4 hrs will cost about 80.00-120.00 bucks and more depending on if they have CPR experience ...

[CC12]

CC12 - We only sent save the dates, the wedding isn't even until August. Which is ANOTHER reason I think asking and hounding us about it is rude. Invites haven't even gone out yet!!!

 

Okay, so did your the 'save the dates' say anything about no children? Or did you and your fiancee somehow put it out there that kids will not be allowed? People aren't asking you about this out of the blue. What happened that gave people the idea you wouldn't be inviting children? I"m just wondering why this is even an issue when the wedding is months away.

[Got it]

I would just pay for a sitter at the wedding personally. It isn't an obligation that these people come to celebrate one's big day it is actually an honor that they want to be there. I think that idea gets forgotten.

 

Or you state adults only and you recognize and accept that you may not have some people attend because of it.

[chucksagent]

Silly Girl - I agree and thank you. My point was, why do people GET OFFENDED> If someone can't come, that's fine, I'm not worried about that. I'm annoyed that OTHER PEOPLE would have the nerve to be mad at our wishes when it is OUR party and OUR wedding day. If my cousin throws a cook out and says "adults only." I say, "Ok man, thanks for the invite." I don't say "HOW DARE YOU SCOUNDREL!!!!"

 

Art Critic - Well, if the guests don't have parents, siblings, older kids, cousins, close friends and they NEED to get a paying baby sitter; I don't think $80.00 is the end of the world when a close friend or family member is getting married. Doesn't happen a whole heck of a lot. People spend money on dumber stuff like smoking, drinking, gambling, fancy dinners...$80.00 ONCE for a large occasion to have your kids taken care of seems reasonable. Then again, it'd be MUCH cheaper if you got a friends daughter or the girl next door...but thanks to the mainstream media BLOWING things out of proportion and 1 or 2 stories out of the 100's of millions of people who have baby sat, now crazed child worshiping parents are afraid to trust the kid next door.

 

CC12 - THANK YOU! This was my EXACT first reaction! CC12, this proves that SANE people like us still exist! Even when I told my mom this story...her first question was EXACTLY what you asked. "Did they mention anything on the save the date? Because if not, the wedding is SOOOO far off, why would they be asking now and not wait until the official invites. Because usually the invite will either say "John, Jane, and Family." or "John and Jane." Like have manners TOTALLY gone out the window??? My mom..FIRST reaction..CC12 FIRST reaction...MY FIRST reaction...And this is all independent of one another, its not like you, me and my mom all got together and said "lets think this way." Are we just ABOVE average when it comes to manners or has the AVERAGE line just plummeted???

 

Got It- GREAT advice, and we have some friends suggest that last night too. We may actually take that route. All the money on the wedding, what's a couple more bucks for a sitter, right? Thank you!

[grkBoy]

My fiancee and I are throwing a cocktail party at night from 8 to midnight. We didn't have kids in mind, but some are bringing them. I didn't say no, simply because I more or less felt they bring them at their own peril. I did make it clear there won't be formal seating or anything like that...so they should not expect a traditional reception.

 

I more or less see many can't get or afford a babysitter for the night. I can't blame them either. I think if someone wants to forbid children from a reception, then they shouldn't be irked if the parents simply decline to come.

[hotgurl]

I am sure people are asking now so they can make plans. You mentioned your guest were coming from 16 different state. That means they have to plan in advance because they are traveling. Especially if they have to buy plane tickets book hotels, find a sitter etc...

 

The formal invites are usually mailed 3 months in advance and this can be too close for a family to get plane tickets budget for the trip.

 

Also with kids there are summer camp schedules to take into account. Are they going to roll the wedding into a vacation. Will grandma be around to sit?

 

Also will little kids I would be uncomfortable traveling a distance and staying away for several days and with infants if you are breast feeding it is impossible.

 

 

You are in your rights to say no kids. But if you are inviting a lot of people from out of town with kids you might be better to arrange for a babysitter at the hotel. My aunt did this for my cousins wedding the kids had a pizza party watched a movie and the adults had fun at the reception.

 

I think you should at least have some consideration for traveling guests at

least don't be mad that they are asking. It costs a lot of money to travel to a wedding. My friends wedding it cost me almost $1,000 to attend it.