Wedding and Career Dilemma

[Sekerkuyruk]

To All Willing To Share Thoughts With Me,

 

I am about to get married after an engagement of 10 months and the ceremony will be held on 31st August 2003. My fiance works for an international company and is satisfied with his job and I am working for a company which used to make a lot of profit but is now declining in the financial and moral satisfaction it gives to its employees. Being an ambitious person, my job is quite important to me and that's how I define myself. My fiance has recently been proposed to work for the same company in Germany for a period of 1 or 2 years ( a duration which depends on his decision), and he has studied and worked in Germany before.

 

The dilemma is that we are about to get married and he is expected to leave for Germany at latest this October - November. His title will be the same, and he will not be earning foreign currency. He will be given a normal amount of money for daily needs, will be given a free lodging as well. This step will be important for his career, but I am a translator and if there is one country I would like to go, that has to be an English speaking one. Furthermore, I hate the idea of leaving my family behind. However, the worst will be the fact that I will not be able to work there for at least a year - foreigners are not easily and quickly given the permission to work - and my German is not that good.

 

I have opted that he go first and then I take 1 month off from my work, which he has declined that he'd rather not go where I would not be. If I go there for a short period of time and decide living abroad is not for me, he will still have to stay there because he will have signed a contract already.

 

Do you think I should sacrifice my job for his well being and career interests, still be with him and leave my county for 1,2 years - which means quitting my current job - and look for a new job when I return ? Do you think all conditions provided to him and the concept of togetherness counts in this respect? Or should I encourage him to go and set him free because he is an individual who is firstly responsible for his actions?

 

Many thanks in advance.

 

Yasemin.

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[Leikela]

Welcome to what is called a committment! In a situation like this, if the couple truly loves one another, they find a way to work things out. Noone ever said love/relationships were easy.

 

It is up to you what you want to do. Nothing we say here should sway you in any direction. It is truly up to how you feel. Some people would go with their husband and sacrifice their career for the sake of his, and in other situations the husband would not take the job. It really depends on everything.

 

If he's making more money and if this job will lead to him making tons more in the future, then why wouldn't you support his efforts? We all have to sacrifice in relationships but in the end it's all worth it because we get to stay with the people we love and grow as individuals.

 

The fact that you would consider leaving him because of this seriously makes me question your love and loyalty to him. 2 years isn't a huge span of time where you wouldn't be able to get another job in the US. And who knows, you may like Germany and even strengthen your German language. Are you afraid of taking risks? If your career is more important then your fiancee, then don't go through with the marriage. Plain and simple...