Melissa Posted May 22, 2002 Share Posted May 22, 2002 Why is it that men can be so selfish? I have been having this problem with my fiance lately, and i dont know how to deal with it, it is frustrating me so much, even to litte things like, getting himself drink at dinner, but not asking or offering to get me one. I have tried to approach him on this but it just turns into an argument, he can not see my point of view. I just feel like not doing any of the house work, and then see how he feels. cos it wont get done unless i do it. i just feel like i am coming second best to everything. Got any suggestions? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted May 22, 2002 Share Posted May 22, 2002 YOU ASK: "Got any suggestions?" Yeah, find another fiance. If you think things are bad now, before you get married, just wait until he's got you wrapped around his finger in "wedded bliss." Marriage is all about giving and sharing. A selfish person seldom makes a good marriage partner unless he or she is married to someone from a highy dysfunctional family who will suffer through almost anything to keep the peace. The little kindnesses and considerations that you want him to show you are things which should have been taught him in childhood. Asking others if they would like something from the refrigerator, if they would like a drink, etc., is a matter of common courtesy. If he doesn't show you that, it's probably just not in him. Are you just seeing this or was he on much better behavior before your engagement? If he is getting worse, it's a really bad sign because it means he's now becoming more comfortable with you and feels he doesn't have to show you the respect and courtesy he once did. Before you split, you ought to put your foot down and let him know his behavior is simply not acceptable. As you stated in your post, this will likely end up in a big fight. So even if he agrees to be nicer, do you think he can continue after your marriage...long term? But a selfish person will seldom want to see your point of view since there's nothing in it for them. I think you've got a problem on your hands. But I also have to say that we live in an age of self-centeredness. It's not so easy to find thoughtful, considerate people anymore. The most thoughtfulness and courtesy you will probably ever see from this guy has passed...and occurred at a time when it was absolutely necessary to win your heart. Having done that, there's no more need. You've got a big decision to make. I don't see this working at all...especially if he wants to argue about his crap instead of trying to be better. Afterall, you're only asking him to be kind and courteous...that's not such a tall order. Link to post Share on other sites
jimthzz Posted May 22, 2002 Share Posted May 22, 2002 Melissa, Selfishness is not limited to men. and not all men are selfish. There are a lot of selfish women out there as well. That said, you need to discuss this problem with your fiance. If you don't resolve this, your relationship will be a heartache for you. You have to face the possibility that it is not working out. Link to post Share on other sites
Angel Posted May 31, 2002 Share Posted May 31, 2002 A man that is selfish will never make you happy. It is that simple. These things don't get better, they get worse. Be good to yourself. There are men out there that will cherish you. A man would never settle for this! This type of person does not deserve you! Link to post Share on other sites
Bill Posted May 31, 2002 Share Posted May 31, 2002 Nice guys finish last. Girls just go for the mean guys for some reason. Link to post Share on other sites
kdawn Posted June 20, 2002 Share Posted June 20, 2002 Mel, This is so typical. Do it. Stop cleaning and stop going out of your way for him. I had trouble with the house work thing too, and still do, but he actually really likes lists (believe it or not). Maybe make a chart of everything that is done in the house on a weekly basis and then say okay, time to choose jobs. You could even go as far as listing approx. time involved for each. Don't leave any out, even grocery shopping. This may make him realize what all you do. As for the offering the drink thing...you may have to deal with it, simply b/c he doesn't think of it. My husband still won't say "bless You" when I sneeze. I say, pick your battles. good Luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Angel Posted June 20, 2002 Share Posted June 20, 2002 I understand about the "list" thing--it might work--but do you really want to be with a man that requires soooooooooo much work? There are men that will treat you a lot better than this. Love is about how he treats you on a day-to-day basis, to be perfectly honest, I'd rather be alone if I had to put up with what you're going through. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
geena Posted December 27, 2002 Share Posted December 27, 2002 Take it from someone who knows. A give and take relationship is only one way with a selfish man. As long as it is all about them they are fine. Once you need it to be all about you, that is when the fights really begin. Think about what you are getting yourself into. Do you really want to fight for respect, gratitude, support, and appreciation for the rest of your life? Do you really want to have to justify each and every little request so that he will consider doing things for you? It does only get worse. Every day you take it is two more days to expect it. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
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