Having doubts

[Laurenwho]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]I am supposed to get married at the end of Sept. When he proposed I was very excited and it seemed like plenty of time before we got married. The thing is I'm not sure I can go through with this. I love my fiance, love his son and truly enjoy spending time with them. I see them almost every day and miss them when they are not around. I am just scared. I don't want to make a mistake. I see so many of my friends married and unhappy, my parents are married still and don't get along. I DO want to get married. I'm nearly 30 and I want to have a family. I don't want to be alone. I hate dating. I know if I call off the wedding, I will be ending the relationship. My fiance has put so much time and effort into the wedding and he is so excited about marrying me. He is taking his ex to court for permission to move closer to where I work. He is doing so much for me. He benefits from this too, dont' get me wrong. But he has really put a lot of effort into our relationship.[/FONT][/COLOR]

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[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]So here are the reasons I'm not sure I want to get married: I will have to deal with my insecurities stemming from him leaving me last year for another woman. He's also lied to me once since then about something totally stupid (but had to do with another woman) It was in December but I am still on guard. I am trying to trust him more and he's given me full access to everything in his life, but I still keep my guard up at times. Sometimes (not often) I feel like he uses me. If we were not getting married he would not be able to live in a nice house with a yard for his son to play in (cant' afford it on his own) but then again neither can I. Also he will have someone to help him raise his son and he won't have to be a single dad anymore. [/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]I'm also afraid that I'm making the wrong decision. That while I want to get married- I'm not sure I want to get married to HIM. But maybe thats just fear talking. [/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]There are things I don't agree with about the way he raises his son- he doesn't make him wear a seatbelt unless I am in the car, he spoils him too much. He often tries to be his son's friend rather than his parent. We have talked about these issues and he is working on some of them but on others (the seatbelt issue) we just don't see eye to eye.[/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]Sometimes I wonder if he will end up cheating on me. He's never cheated before but he did leave me very suddenly for someone else last year and he DID cheat on her. So I know he is capable of deception. [/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]I'm afraid I won't be a good step mom to his son. I'm afraid I will let them down.[/FONT][/COLOR]

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[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]Now I do love my fiance very much. These are the reasons I WANT to marry him.[/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]We have a lot in common. We enjoy a lot of the same activities and have a lot of fun together. [/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]He spends time with me. This is HUGE. In my past relationships my exes have started out spending all of this time with me and then it fizzles out and everything else became more important than our time together. But since day 1 my fiance has ALWAYS wanted to spend all of his free time with me. He loves being with me and always wants me around. Even when I want to take a day and do something with friends he misses me and wishes I would spend the time with him instead. he wants me to go everywhere with him. Just because he likes having me around so much and to me that is huge. [/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]He loves to cuddle. Most guys I've dated- again at first they were very affectionate but then it fizzled out. My fiance has always been very affectionate with me. Always giving me hugs and kisses and wanting to hold me. With my ex, I felt like I was bothering him if I tried to give him a hug.[/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]Our sex life is the best I've ever had. He is up for anything and so much fun in bed. He is also such a gentleman in that he believes in "ladies first" and will do anything to make sure I enjoy myself. He is very appreciative and lets me always know how much he enjoys it. For ex. this week his son has been gone and we've had sex every day (sometimes twice even though we only see eachother in the evenings). He woke up at 4am yesterday and did not get home from work till 8:30pm!! He came home with chemical burns on his legs and he said it hurt VERY badly. We ate dinner and we'd had sex for the last 10 days in a row so he shouldn't even want it because he was exhausted. I was going to leave him alone because he was hurting and he was so tired. Well he started it and he said he wanted to do it because he knows I always want him. He was doing my favorite things and I had to make him stop and offered to give him a bj instead because I knew he had to be in pain while trying to please me. But that is what type of guy he is in the bedroom- he makes sure that I am enjoying myself (and i return the favor) [/FONT][/COLOR]

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[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]I can see myself (well all three of us) being happy together. My fiance loves to take trips, try new things, and since being with him I've done a lot of things I never thought I'd do. So its always interesting. Yet we also have a good time just sitting at home on the couch cuddling and watching tv. [/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]I can talk to him about anything. He knows so much about me (and vice versa) and I can be myself around him. We can talk for hours about absolutely nothing.[/FONT][/COLOR]

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[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]I spent about 4 yrs of my life with my ex who told me he wanted to get married and just led me on. I see so many posts on this site from women who want to get married and their men just don't have the same mindset. I've been there and it is miserable!! I never ONCE talked about getting married (seriously) or pressured my fiance into this. He 100% proposed to me on his own and he has suprised me by how excited he is about marrying me. So I'm very lucky to have a guy who WANTS to marry me and I don't think I should pass up the opportunity because if we break up I could spend the next five years just trying to find someone to date and then I'll be closer to 40 and still not have a family and that is a huge fear of mine. I mean, this might be my one chance.All my friends are married and I feel so left out. Not the reason I want to get married but its a reason I feel better about getting married.[/FONT][/COLOR]

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[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]How does one know for sure that they want to marry someone and that it is the right decision? Are you not supposed to have any doubts?[/FONT][/COLOR]

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[zxcirce]

I'm confused. Aren't you still trying to date the far-away guy?

[lexi29]

Sorry this is MY thread. I work with Lauren. This computer is in our break room and I came in and saw she was on loveshack (I was the one who told her about it) and thats why I decided to post today. She must not have logged out when I pulled the site up. I have no idea what else could have happened as I don't know her password. WEIRD!!!

[curiousnycgirl]

Wow how bizarre as I read this I was sure it was Lexi, and could not figure out why she would have 2 threads.

 

Lexi - many of us have been telling you all aong that September may be too soon for you to get married. I know I (or we) told you so doesn't help - but it's the truth. Most important thing here is to be true to yourself - if you don't feel ready - don't push yourself!

 

Wish I could tell you how to know if/when you are ready - but I've only felt that way once, and it was a million years ago - sorry.