Friends - Older Guy / Younger Girl

[Guest]

OK, the whole story is quite long and complicated so I'll give you a Reader's Digest version of the situation. I helped a young lady I used to work with see that the relationship she was involved with at the time was a huge mistake (the guy was married and telling her that he "loved" her and was going to leave his wife for her. He used her then started to move on to another lady). She's about 9 years younger and a lot less experienced with this type of situation than I. In case anyone has the idea that this is at all or in anyway a sexually thing, it IS NOT. I could connect with her because we were so much alike, me when I was her age that is. We both came from bad home lives, parents and such. We needed someone to try and justify our existence. Over the many months that have followed, we have become even better friends than we once were. We have talked for many long hours both on the phone and in person, we have shared many laughs, many tears, many thoughts and many dreams. We have slowly come to realize that we have more alike than we had ever thought before. She now says that she feels that I am her most trusted friend. I too feel that same ways about her and I'm lucky to have her in my life as it is.

 

The problem starts here. I think that in some small part, she realizes that I feel for her more than just a friend but I'm not sure. I do care about her greatly and when all is said and done, I do love her! The problem is that I can not bring myself to tell her this for fear that I'll lose her totally. I know that ultimately it's better to have her in my life even if it's just as a best friend than to not have her at all. In the past few months, we've jokingly talked about dating situations and people in general. She knows that I think the world of her and that I'd do almost anything for her that she asked. In a few conversations that we've had in reference to dating, she's jokingly said that she should just go out with me since I seem to understand her better that anyone else. I was thrilled to hear the words from her month even if they were just in late night banter. It's true though, we do understand one another better than anyone else. We've talked about EVERYTHING! And our conversations have always been enjoyable and heartfelt. Now she's getting over the jerk she was with previously and she's starting to talk to a new guy. I want to tell her how I feel, what I fell for her but I fear that to do this may cause problems between us.

 

Should I stay quiet or should I tell her of my feelings for her? I know that this sounds like a simple query but to one that's having problems, it's a life changing question.

 

If you think I should tell her, how would you suggest I go about this without losing her if she's not receptive to my feelings for her. Like I said earlier, better to have her in my life than not at all.

[paige367]

Go for it!!! Now! Pick up the phone and dial!! But don't tell her on the phone tell her in person. Life is too short to let her get away. Just be prepared to be hurt but man it's worth the risk.

[notmakingsense]

Yeah -- I'd go for it.

 

Once you develop feelings, you have to lay it on the line. Holding your feelings to yourself will build resentment. You have to be prepared for rejection and decide what that will mean. Most of us guys can't stay friends with a woman who has rejected us. If we are able to, it usually is because we've found someone else who accepts us.