Want to be more than just friends...

Tru-Wild · 5th February 2006, 5:33 PM

Please help me! I've been friends with a girl for close to a year now and have had feelings for her since day one. When at first we would talk, she dropped what seemed to me as hints, but I was too afraid I guess to make a move. We still talk, but the hints have abruptly stopped. I think that I have fallen into the friend zone, or perhaps my imagination was just running wild. Just yesterday I went with her and with friends to a movie, we had a great time and I made everbody laugh(being the kind of guy I am), but felt that the girl I liked was sorta not there halfway. Sorry I guess I'm bieng kinda vague, I can just hope that you know what I mean. If its just that I'm totally in the friends zone, can anybody give me a few tips? All comments would be greatly appreciated

SuperFantastico · 5th February 2006, 6:12 PM

Read these links in order and you will know all you need to know.

http://www.fanfic.net/~jeffwong/rant47-friend-zone.html

http://www.fanfic.net/~jeffwong/rant...iend-zone.html

http://www.intellectualwhores.com/

read the ladder theory at the bottom of intellectual whores.

http://www.fastseduction.com/guide/

This site will help you become good with women. You'lll learn alot.

Hope this helps. I didnt want to post this on your post because some people might find it offensive. But you have private message disabled.

http://www.joelogon.com/platonic/

this last site is just for kicks. Its funny because its all true.

Tru-Wild · 5th February 2006, 6:35 PM

No offense to you as a person, but....I AM TOTALLY DISGUSTED BY THESE SITES!!! Heh, well there you go. I am looking for an actual relationship, I'm not Mr.Hey-lookit-me-imma-f***ing-wommanizer. I totally disagree to the information on those sites.(Once again no offense to you as a person, lol) If anybody has any non-sexist or stereotypical comments, they would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

SuperFantastico · 5th February 2006, 7:26 PM

Well heres your dilema. You are now right in the friends zone. You missed your window to make it more than that.(window is like 2 or 3 months, thats why she dosnt give you signals anymore)

Advice on how to get out? Well aside from some moviesque save her life from
*insert danger*, the only real way to get out of the friend zone is to stop being her friend. Now i dont mean say "F you" i mean stop hanging around with her all the time. Stop treating her like your best friend, because that is all you will get from this if you do.

If you distance yourself from her and be more allof( ie not at her beck and call)
this will begin to change how she sees you. If she wants you go out with her and her friends say
"Actually I cant, i'm meeting a friend later" Then after like 6 months or so of this come back into her life BUT(and this is important) treat her as if she was your girlfriend. Be more sexual(not as grabbing, but show her you are attracted to her. Touching her arm/face/ect.) And treat her DIFFERENTLY than you treat other female friends.

Getting out of the friend zone takes ALOT of time and engergy. The best thing to do is move on, but if you want to try, what i've written is about the only way to do it.

P.S. To put this in perspective, ive been stuck in the friend zone for 12 YEARS!!!!!! I have tried everything you could imagine. Above is the only thing that almost worked(i screwed up and started treating her as a friend...heh still nervous around her i guess :P )

P.S.S. Dont discount those sites so easily. Look past all the swearing and crap and you will see patterns that MANY guys such as us have had to endure. And its not about getting laid(ok with those guys it probably is) but
about empowerment of yourself. Its ok to be friends with women, i got a bunch, but its NOT ok to be just friends with THE GIRL YOU LIKE. Information is a tool, like a hammer. You can smash
a window or build a house. Its your call. Some guys will use this to pickup chicks, others will
use it to finally get the girl they've always liked. Its better she go out with you than some jerk.
I've had to endure many years of torture as she(the girl i fell for) went out with *******s and i had to listen to her take about how crappy they were and how she wished they were MORE LIKE ME!!!!!! I've had to watch her suffer as really ****ty things happened to her because of these guys.

Like I said, its not about treating her like crap, but you have to distance yourself, change HOW she thinks of you with time, then come in and treat her DIFFERENTLY.

The only other way is to just tell her how you feel. It might work, or it might not. But with both
ways there is a risk. If you tell her how you feel, you might get the "your like a brother to me(which hurts, cause i had that exact one used on me), or if you wait too long she WILL get a boyfriend. But as they say, nothing ventured nothing gained. You dont risk anything and nothing will happen, i guarentee it.

All i can do to help.

seanryann · 5th February 2006, 11:43 PM

I was, and I guess still in, the same situation.

I haven't known the girl as long as you have known her, but for the longest time, I wondered if the 'hints' were real, or just my imagination.

Looking back, the hints were real, and I made a mistake by not acting on them (I'm trying to make up for that now).

Don't worry about the recent outing to the movies. If you're anything like me, and it sounds like you are, you're probably over-analyzing every time to spend time with her. That's the wrong thing to do. If you think she's being stand-offish, take a step back, and make sure that's really what's going on. More likely than not, it's a case of you over-thinking things.

So my advice is to try to spend a bit more time alone with her. Suggest going to a movie, or going out for supper, or ask her to come over and watch a movie with you. Anything that you can do together.

Forget that 'friends-zone' BS. Lots of couples start off as friends, and there's nothing wrong with that.

You're going to have to make the first move here. A simple 'hey, we should go see that new movie this weekend' line will suffice. One or two of those nights, and then go from there. You'll be able to judge if she's up for more. Good luck.

Tru-Wild · 6th February 2006, 7:03 PM

Thanks alot for the imput. Sorry about my little outburst there, I've had a bad day (heh, happens to all of us right?) I really do appreciate all the help from everyone. Any more would be greatly appreciated, thanks everyone.