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New Year with ex-FWB


Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

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Old 19th December 2017, 7:27 AM   #1
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New Year with ex-FWB

Hi all, would really appreciate some advise.

One of the guys in a group of friends became single in January after his long-term gf cheated on him and they broke up. On becoming single, he went on a bit of a spree of women and said he didn't want another relationship for a good long while. We became FWB a few months after. We were friends mostly and hung out with our mutual group of friends as friends only. Just if the opportunity presented itself, we enjoyed a few added benefits. He was sleeping with other girls and that was all fine with me, we had no romantic interest in each other at all. We last slept together less than 6 weeks ago and even before then, I wanted to end our arrangement. I didn't discuss it with him as it felt like it had naturally ended.

Fast forward to now and a few days ago we were chatting about something else and he mentioned he's started seeing someone and thought I should know. Fair enough, clarity is important. However, for New Years, he is hosting a party with all these mutual friends that I was planning to attend.

My question is, should I still go? I've asking him to let me know if I'm no longer welcome but he said "it doesn't need to be that way". Which is all fine and dandy in theory, but unfortunately I have had bad experiences with gfs not being too keen on me being around. There is nothing between us but I feel it's complicated given the fact that it's at his house and we were last together less than 6 weeks ago. What do you guys think? I don't want things to be awkward or difficult for anyone involved but I also want to spend NYE with my friends. I knew he'd start seeing someone eventually but didn't expect it to be so soon. I don't know if she will be there at NY or not.
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Old 19th December 2017, 7:58 AM   #2
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Will you be uncomfortable? If not, go. He invited you and they are your friends also. If it will be a large group that includes a lot of your friends, it's not like you have to talk to him and his new partner all night!
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Old 19th December 2017, 8:07 AM   #3
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Originally Posted by caveman621 View Post
Will you be uncomfortable? If not, go. He invited you and they are your friends also. If it will be a large group that includes a lot of your friends, it's not like you have to talk to him and his new partner all night!
Thanks for your reply! Good point. I've been focused so much on how she may feel (if she even knows about me), I haven't really considered how I would feel. I've just had a couple of these situations in the past that have really blown up in my face where the new girl hates me and makes that clear without even meeting me. THAT makes me uncomfortable!

I don't know how I would feel TBH. I don't care about him in that capacity and our friendship isn't really that strong either (he played up that part to get me to sleep with him) but he is fun to hang out with in a friendship setting. I am jealous of him though (as painful as that is to admit). He very much did not want a relationship, was just after casual and all of a sudden he's in one. Whereas I really have wanted a relationship for a while and it just ain't happening. (To be clear, I do not want a relationship with him). But I guess my jealousy (or maybe longing is a better word) against him is no different than that towards other couples...
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Old 19th December 2017, 8:27 AM   #4
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Chances are he hasn't even told his new gf about you or I doubt he would put you guys in the same room together. You should go if you want to. I'm sure he'll take care of his gf. Have fun.
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Old 19th December 2017, 7:26 PM   #5
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I agree with the others. If you're comfortable with going, then go. You can keep an eye on the situation. If you get a bad feeling or aren't sure she's cool with you, then you can always steer clear or leave early.
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