My Boyfriend Talks to His 'Girl' Friend More Than Me

[oneconfusedgirl]

I'm currently in a relatively new relationship: we've been dating for about 4 months. I had previously been in a serious relationship with someone (jay) for 11 months, but he broke my heart.

 

My current bf, Danny, and i have known each other a long time and i've always thought he was a nice, cool guy. We never hung out b/c my old BF Jay was extremely jealous.

 

After Jay and I broke up, Danny and I started talking more about personal things and he helped me through my rough time. We became really good friends. That friendship eventually turned into something else.

 

I'm scared of getting hurt again ... I worry that maybe we moved too fast and that I shouldn't have jumped into a relationship a month after breaking up with my previous BF. Am I overreacting?

 

Also, Danny and I have a mutual friend Janet who always calls him. I swear she calls him more than I do!!! Once, Danny and I were at the movies and she called him 3 times and an hour later, another 3 times! Recently, I asked Danny if she knew we were going out and he said "of course!" (I'm not really good friends with her ... she doesn't call me nearly as much as she calls Danny)

 

Now...during this conversation with Danny, he had said to me that he was unhappy b/c he felt that we didn't have as much fun as we used to and that he was afraid we were losing our friendship and getting too caught up in the BF/GF thing. I said to him, "Do you have more in common with Janet? It seems like you talk to her more than you talk to me." and he said, "We're just friends."

 

Now, this is just a sidenote ... when I was with my old BF, Janet also called him a lot too. She told me that he always called her, but I believe it was both of them calling each other. Is she the type of girl who wants things she can't have? My question is ... if she knows i'm going out with Danny, why is she being so friendly?

[lindya]

Now...during this conversation with Danny, he had said to me that he was unhappy b/c he felt that we didn't have as much fun as we used to and that he was afraid we were losing our friendship and getting too caught up in the BF/GF thing. I said to him, "Do you have more in common with Janet? It seems like you talk to her more than you talk to me." and he said, "We're just friends."

 

Do you agree with him that you're having less fun than you used to? If so, why might that be? Could your fears about Janet be cutting into your time with Danny? If so, then any game-plan she might have here (and I don't know if she does have one - you're in the best position to judge) is working.

 

Your situation doesn't sound one million miles from an experience I had. Believing in open and honest communication with my then bf, I questioned our own "Janet's" motives in constantly cutting into his time when she knew he was out with me. What happened was that he decided to investigate for himself what her motives were; and that was a piece of detective work that led him into her bed with a startling amount of speed. At the time I beat myself up for playing into her hands. Now I realise that I just progressed what was an inevitable conclusion.

 

I'm a firm believer that having female friends is good for a guy. It encourages him to see women as people, and helps him relate better to the opposite sex in general. Experience tells me, however, that when a guy starts consistently putting a particular female friend's needs before yours, and constantly takes calls and texts from her when he's on what's meant to be a romantic date with you, trouble is afoot. Not least because most people know damn fine that you don't cut into a friend's "quality time" with their lover in that way.

 

Having said that, I don't think you can ever ask someone to drop a friend for you - however much of a problem said friend might be causing you. You can only raise any serious issues (ie the friend behaving with scant, or no, regard for your relationship) in as calm and reasonable a manner as possible, and hope your partner's feelings for you are sufficiently strong that they'll react to your concerns in a respectful manner.

[oneconfusedgirl]

i just needed to vent my frustrations out...thanks for the advice

 

i recently talked to my bf and he said that he was worried we were losing our "friendship" and that he wanted things to be like they were when we first started going out. He said he feels that I never talk to him anymore and that we haven't bonded in a long time. he's confused b/c he has alot of fun with me when we hang out but when he's away from me and we talk over the phone, it's boring and we never talk. however, he says he wants to work this out b/c he really cares about me and really likes me. i talked this over with a friend and i've concluded that i have sort of pushed him away by pulling back from him b/c i'm scared of getting hurt again. he is the type of guy who doesn't really show that he cares and he treats me more like a friend. my pulling back from him has probably left the field open for our friend janet to come in and "bond" with him. i'm trying to open up to him again b/c i've decided to take the risk of getting hurt...so why not go all the way? i'm trying to be more open in expressing my feelings and more talkative, but i feel like he's pulling back from me. i'm going to be spending the night with him for a few days...including tonight...so i plan on talking to him about us, our lives, and just about everything so we can get to know each other better. i hope things will work out between us b/c i really care about him and really want to be with him...i'm just still scared that if i open up and give him my heart he's just going to break it like my previous bf did...