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Ex-FWB has feelings for me but won't admit it


Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

Old 4th October 2017, 7:19 PM   #1
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Ex-FWB has feelings for me but won't admit it

This fling I had with a friend fell into a relationship pattern. At this point, based on how she acts and behaves. It's evident that she has feelings for me but wont admit it. I get the vibe that she doesn't want me, but has strong enough feelings in which she does want me. I know one reason is the age difference; I'm 29 and she's 49.

I have tried to discuss this with her but she dodges the topic. Lately we have been fighting a lot too, and even though she says there isn't a need to keep in touch, she responds to my texts. I have feelings for her too, and I don't know what to do at this point.
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Old 4th October 2017, 8:02 PM   #2
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I would be wary of assuming she has feelings for you that are similar to yours for her. It is easy to 'project' what we are feeling ourselves onto others and assume they feel the same. Why would she deny feelings? Has she said anything about the age gap being a problem?

Given the age gap, if she does have feelings for you, she may not trust that you know your own mind. She will know about crushes, about thinking you want something then changing your mind later. She may have been through several relationships that have fallen apart. She may be trying to protect herself: perhaps she doesn't want to risk getting too involved with a guy whose natural tendency will be to find a woman his own age and form a couple.

If you want this woman, then first of all you need to examine your motives. Are you so interested in her because she is keeping herself at a distance emotionally? What if she did say she had feelings for you, wanted a committed relationship that lasts, how would you feel? Try to be realistic rather than chasing what seems exciting and elusive at present.

If, after you have thought carefully about this, you still feel she is the one for you, then I suppose you need to tell her. You risk rejection, yes, but if you don't then she could assume you are only in it for casual fun. There are no guarantees how this would go. The age gap is significant. After a while, you may tire of being with someone older and seek out someone your own age. Also, she may feel she cannot share herself with you because of the experiences she has been through. It is more obvious to an older person than the younger one. I know my life experience makes a difference, but younger guys really don't understand that. An older woman will be looking at things from a totally different perspective. She may be right.
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Old 4th October 2017, 9:14 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by spiderowl View Post
I would be wary of assuming she has feelings for you that are similar to yours for her. It is easy to 'project' what we are feeling ourselves onto others and assume they feel the same. Why would she deny feelings? Has she said anything about the age gap being a problem?

Given the age gap, if she does have feelings for you, she may not trust that you know your own mind. She will know about crushes, about thinking you want something then changing your mind later. She may have been through several relationships that have fallen apart. She may be trying to protect herself: perhaps she doesn't want to risk getting too involved with a guy whose natural tendency will be to find a woman his own age and form a couple.

If you want this woman, then first of all you need to examine your motives. Are you so interested in her because she is keeping herself at a distance emotionally? What if she did say she had feelings for you, wanted a committed relationship that lasts, how would you feel? Try to be realistic rather than chasing what seems exciting and elusive at present.

If, after you have thought carefully about this, you still feel she is the one for you, then I suppose you need to tell her. You risk rejection, yes, but if you don't then she could assume you are only in it for casual fun. There are no guarantees how this would go. The age gap is significant. After a while, you may tire of being with someone older and seek out someone your own age. Also, she may feel she cannot share herself with you because of the experiences she has been through. It is more obvious to an older person than the younger one. I know my life experience makes a difference, but younger guys really don't understand that. An older woman will be looking at things from a totally different perspective. She may be right.
I enjoyed the time we spent together wheb we had our fling. She also made it feel like a relationship. I would love to have a relationship with her. I just find it funny that everytime we fight and she says there's no need to keep in touch because the fling is over, she's still there. If I text her she replies back. We start talking, sometimes flirting even, like we never fought.

She said we can't be together due to the age difference and her daughter. Yet I recently made a Facebook post about how women from my past that turned me down due to being overweight, suddenly want me now that I have lost the weight and kept up with my appearance. She commented on the status basically giving her two cents. The next day she texts she saying she felt the post was directed towards her. She also said a bunch of other posts were about her as well.

She always brings up this one girl who's a friend and is nothing more. She said my post about us getting lunch was to make her mad. She said the women who are my friends that came out to the bar on my birthday that took pics were to piss her off. Everytome we fight, people say we spund like a couple. When we had our fling, people thought I was dating her.
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Old 12th October 2017, 10:50 PM   #4
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