Community Forums

Reload this Page Community Forums > Transitioning > Friends and Lovers

Can he really see me as a friend?

Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

Like Tree4Likes
  • 1 Post By Whodatdog
  • 2 Post By anika99
  • 1 Post By Helena21
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 24th September 2017, 10:38 AM   #1
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 23
Can he really see me as a friend?

Ok, I am one that doesn't believe in the whole guy-girl friend thing. You can't be just friends with a guy or a girl. Even if there are some exceptions to the rule, those exceptions could break too someday, you can never say never. But in this case, we kind of knew each other for years. We weren't exactly friends because he was studying in another country but when he returned we started talking, it lead to flirting and we said that we would meet up and that we wanted something to happen between us. Then he gets a job proposal at yet another country and when we meet he tells me it's better that nothing happens between us, because he's leaving and of course he was right since I didn't want just a one night stand. But the real tricky thing happens next: After he leaves, we maintain contact and he calls me friend, he even says things like ''I consider you something like my little sister''. And I'm like ''seriously????"'

Could this really happen? I mean, yeah things didn't proceed but he can't possibly be able to only see me as a friend!
Helena21 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24th September 2017, 3:15 PM   #2
Established Member
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 582
You may not be able to believe the whole guy-girl friend thing, but it happens every day to millions of people. I have a LOT of guy friends...lots; some I have had for over 20 years.

So yes, he certainly can see you as only a friend, which means he likely will get involved with someone else.
preraph likes this.
Whodatdog is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24th September 2017, 3:21 PM   #3
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 23
They may think it happens but in my opinion this kind of friendship isn't genuine. If you can sit down and think of every possible situation in which something could happen and still you don't find it possible in your case, well then ok.
Helena21 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th September 2017, 9:11 AM   #4
Established Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 3,412
I think you're both right (OP and the author of the first reply). I too have had many male friends over the years. My friendships with males never transitioned into romantic or sexual relationships, but only because I wouldn't let it happen. I know the majority of my male friends would have happily had sex with me or a romantic relationship if I had indicated I was interested in that. I was the one that had to set and maintain boundaries. So while I know that men and women can be just close friends, I also think most guys view their female friends as possibilities. Either possible romance or possible sex. Maybe they don't say it or act on it but the thought is there.

OP I think your friend just realized that this isn't a good time to start something with you right now so he has put you back in the friendship category for now in case there is a possibility for something in the future.
anika99 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th September 2017, 3:41 PM   #5
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 23
@anika99 Thank you for your answer. That is exactly what I meant, and that has been the case too with all of my other male ''friends''. I can't genuinely call them that, you understand. Because since they would happily have sex with you, this immediately takes them of the category. But it goes both ways in my opinion. You too could have had sex with those friends of yours, depending on the circumstances ( many drinks being the main and most usual circumstance ). And then...would you be able to still call them friends? Some people would say ''well, it was a one time thing it doesn't change anything''. It changes everything if you ask me. Even if you just hint something sexual about your friend it changes things, let alone have sex.
cocoa342 likes this.
Helena21 is offline   Reply With Quote


Thread Tools
Display Modes


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Having psychological problems with a friend talking/hanging out with another friend. PuppetLife Friendship 22 1st September 2014 6:48 PM
I Have Strong Feelings for my Friend, Who is Dating my Other Friend- Moving Forward?) BonanzaBean Coping 0 26th September 2012 12:24 PM
my best friend drilled my guy friend at checkout line now he wont talk to me dakotamaiden Dating 16 21st December 2008 12:38 PM
Good friend from college is tryin to make me date her friend..should i? Brady_to_Moss Dating 5 13th August 2008 2:18 PM
Super complicated friend/cousin/other friend cheating...long Yasdnil Friendship 2 14th March 2006 5:19 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 8:09 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.

Copyright © 1997-2013 All Rights Reserved.